What Kind Of A Dil Are You ?

till 2 years back, I was the perfect DIL. My PILs are very very low on the "evil PILs" category. Meaning, I have not faced any "major" issues like them interfering in my marriage or trying to sabotage but I have had my fair share of issues with them (especially MIL). Till 2 years back, I used to be mute to all of my MILs subtle taunts, her various quirks and rude comments and her politics. I never complained to my husband or my parents or ANYONE for that matter.
I would diligetly buy gifts for their birthdays,anniversaries etc
I would call them every other day
Try to do everything according to their habits .
They are super super conservative, so much to the fact that MIL doesnt eat anything prepared by people she considers lower in caste /status than her. I put up with even that.
MIL was an expert in Bad mouthing or criticise my parenting , try to establish control over my kids etc. But for 11 years I bore all of it in silence. Never reacting or stopping any interaction with them. When we were in India, they would be at my home most of the time - so that was a lot of time. Once we moved to the USA, i initiated their visit both times - for the first visit did the best I could. Slogged, planned, cooked, cleaned .

2 years back, something snapped in me when I realized that I had a boiling volcano inside. The more I did, the more I was criticised(albeit subtly. IF we ever had a shouting match or open fight, I think I would have felt better.) But my relationship with my MIL was so fake and so "show" that I HATED myself for being so artificial with her. I would say the opposite of what I meant and NEVER stood up for myself. So , well, 2 years back - I had a major MAJOR showdown with my husband on some topic and I realized the ultimate truth that NO ONE WILL STAND UP FOR ME BUT MYSELF. So one fine morning, I decided - no more gifts and no more calls. My MIL first couldnt understand the distance. So she tried her tactics of telling my Hubbdy and my Hubby's brother that I dont call her. When my Hubby asked me, I simply replied "well, if she so badly wants to talk to me, she can pick up the phone and call me". That was the end of those complains. I stopped gifting. The last year when they visited, I didnt plan a single trip. I told hubby that I would be happy to accompany them, but that I was done planning only to be criticised later for the hotel not being clean enough. I just detached myself from her. No small talks, no talks about neighbour's daughter's cousin's son who eloped with a boy from a different religion. Strictly formal relationship.
Let me tell you, its like I have attained NIRVANA. Sometimes I do feel bad that I am a bad DIL, but I already know that the PERFECT DIL world is no heaven. Atleast in the BAD DIL world, I dont have to be sad all the time My hubby does try to emotional blackmail me , but as of today, I dont care anymore

 

I think only my PILs can best answer as to what kind of Dil I am

Anyway, here goes:
Good:
- Genuinely care about their happiness and well being, and can confidently say that I have been doing my DIL duties well
- Always encourage husband to spend more time and money for his parents
- Have adjusted well to their family's cooking style
- Take good care of them when they visit or when we go there, no matter how busy I am

Not-so-good:
- Having been overloaded with free advice from her in the initial years, I have an auto-shutdown when she starts advising on parenting my kid, cooking, personal grooming, housekeeping etc.
Not good as she does give good inputs sometimes.
- For the past few India trips, I have started to spend more time at parents' than PILs' as she expects me to get up early everyday (that's not happening during my precious vacation!). And I have gotten past the stage of trying to please them by staying there longer, as my parents look forward to spending time with me too. H has always insisted that we reach need to spend more time at respective parents' places.

I think my PILs may have a longer not-so-good list about me

 

Hi thanks for a wonderful thread. Thank you @SinghManisha for initiating this.