No Indian Relatiinships

It does happen. Your friend is probably not the cause of it. For those who are residing in India itself, the relationship aren’t strong because of so many reasons. For those who had settled abroad it just adds on because of the distance.

Extended families all develop their own friendship circle and the relatives who are overseas slowly fade away. Moreover there should have a been an intial good understanding between them even whilst in India. If that wasn’t strong then it sure doesn’t last long even if staying in India.

Friends overseas also can be difficult to maintain. When one spends a whole lot of time with work, establishing themselves overseas and with kids education the time would have just flown for her and in no time the reality sinks in. She is neither at fault nor the relatives. It just happens.

One just have to accept the situation and acknowledge it. Moreover kids marriage even if the relatives are invited the only chance of them attending would be if the wedding happens in India. If the wedding is overseas it’s going to be hard for relatives to come. Moreover how long is the relationships going to last unless she moves to India permanently which isn’t going to happen. Everything is time bound.

Friends and relatives do move on with their life. That’s the fact of life for lots except for lucky few. Ask you friend to think what all positive things she had in her life and cherish them.

 

It’s understandable. Indians who are overseas do yearn for the bonding and all aspects of Indian culture. That’s how it is for lots. Just reinforce the same and she will realise the reality.

 

One of my aunts migrated to us nearly 40 years back. She had a huge family , nearly 12 siblings. She had so many relations to look forward to during India visit. Over time, parents and elder siblings passed away and now she doesn't have too many from her generation left and obviously she is not comfortable spending too much time at nieces and nephews home. This is inevitable , will happen to everyone at some point. We just have to do our best in connecting to people and accept that this is the way things will be after a certain point,

 

Coolpie, you are a wonderful friend to have. As a good friend I however recommend you do not encourage her to go down the path of self pity. It will do her a world of good. Tell her that more than having a crowd at her kids weddings what is important is that they have healthy marriages. She should try to improve relationships but if that does not happen move on. Focus on the bond with her spouse and kids. Realize she is lucky that she can afford to take a vacation to India and live in hotels. There are people that would love to be in her shoes with being able to travel to India with no family drama involved
Remind her to count her blessings , a friend like you being one of them !

 

Maintaining relationships is hardwork. When my sister visits india for 3 weeks every year or year and a half, she carries small gifts for our cousin's kids, visits elderly relatives personally, carries some suitable gift and calls a get together to meet everyone else.

All you can do now is to take an interest in yours and husband's cousins' lives, send wishes on occasions, and try to meet them up when you go to india.Do without expectation for some time and see.

I recently lost my aunt and it is indeed scary to lose our previous generation. Without them the tie seems looser and sometimes I fear it could be lost completely.

 

Couldn’t agree more! True relatives just come to the wedding and bless them. But if something happens not everyone will be there for the couple. Harsh reality !

 

This is one of the disadvantages (or advantages, depending on your pov ) of living abroad. Relationships with relatives/friends in India are often tenuous. By living so far away we drift apart. That changes rapidly when someone is traveling here and needs a place to stay, or needs financial help, or is sending an adult child here for work/education/marriage. Similarly, we eagerly reconnect with distant relatives when we need a desi damaad or bahu. C'est la vie.

About local relationships: It's up to her to go out and make friends. She could become active in her local Indian community, organize celebrations, do whatever interests her. Others will join in. Most people are waiting for someone else to take the initiative.

It's also useful to join a virtual community like this one. By posting here she may run into someone local or connect with a like-minded ILite. Many here have formed lasting real life bonds.

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I think this happens to nri's. It also happens to people who are polite. Invariably they get ignored. From what I see Indians like people who flaunt their wealth. They don't care if you are nice to them or not. It is my experience as well that being nice does not work with Indian relatives.