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The Way Divorced People Are Viewed

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by Dreamer, Sep 1, 2018.

  1. Dreamer

    Dreamer Silver IL'ite

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    So true. I get so tired of hearing their tales of child rearing. It doesn't affect me or anyone else. Their child is their business. Some even 'show off' like having a child is like an achievement. I pity their children as they are being viewed as some kind of trophies by their parents.
     
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  2. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    My brother is in the process of divorcee and what I learnt from this is NOT to judge people.

    In our case,both our side and th girl’s side are in full support of my brother who is a soft and extremely nice guy(not saying coz he is my brother..he is)

    Anyways..whatever the reasons are truth is known only to the family.

    The society..who is the society?
    Collection of every single one of us is the society.If you think that way,why do we give importance to each and every individual who surely has their own skeletons in the closet?

    Everyone of us views others with our perception and try to humiliate others coz of our insecurities.Yes,it is tough for divorced people but from my point of view I have changed and respect them.they divorced for whatever reason best known to them.

    Also honestly,things are changing now..people Are more educated and not prying atleast in the metros I feel.

    Just living together for the sake of society (??) is a nightmare.Do the right thing for your peace of mind
     
    Last edited: Sep 2, 2018
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  3. Dreamer

    Dreamer Silver IL'ite

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    Well said @anika987 and that's how I started - not living for the sake of society. My only issue is that while I am not living for the society's sake, it should also stop judging me and giving me looks, talking behind my back and guessing the 'reasons' for my divorce. It is, in a way, intrusion of privacy and that's hurtful.
     
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  4. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Unfortunately that’s how the “society” works..There is no way society is going to get perfect.thats something we know and should accept.the hard truth!it never was,it never is and it never will be.period.

    Secondly,practice accapetance and hurt.Dont try to fight it.the more you resist,the more hurt you will feel and it will take time to heal.

    What my brother did was..he found a new job,started physical training,took some new hobbies and he feels more confident.He did not stop meeting people but continues to meet more and trust me it gets easier,people accept you for who you are.

    Blaming the society or telling I feel bad coz of him or her is futile.Nothing is going to change.think positive.

    One door can get closed but another door opens.

    How you handle things in Times of adversities is your biggest test of character and strength in life.You will be secretly envied!

    You think all married people are happy?think again:)

    Many are dying To get out of the rut but scared and suffering.you are better.
     
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  5. CoolPie

    CoolPie Silver IL'ite

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    I second shreema86. People everywhere are judged. Not only divorces, but also childless couples, singles are more judged.
    According to me everyone is judging others. People simply do not mind their own business. And more to say, People are more jealous too.
    Sometimes I have even felt better I join the people to Mars mission.
    Who knows even where therewill be very few people will soon start judging each other.
     
    Last edited: Sep 2, 2018
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  6. troubledmom

    troubledmom Gold IL'ite

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    Hi there,
    This is not true. My experience has been that after breakup they themselves don’t want to mingle. We made an effort to continue including some friends, whose marriages broke up, in our get togethers. Especially we wanted them to feel that nothing has changed.

    They all refused saying won’t be able to ‘take it’ or didn’t want to ‘deal with all the pitying glances’ even though we assured there would be none.

    Some self selection is also there in this isolation process. What you call ‘marrieds’ are not all so heartless.
     
  7. Sweety82

    Sweety82 Gold IL'ite

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    No. You see only you. This society sees every person differently. People who are unmarried after 35 or 40 , they have their own downs and will be seen differently. After marriage, people who are childless, will be seen differently. people who are having marital problems will be seen differently. People try to extract ur weakness as though they are very good in front of ur face, then......multiply x 10, then spread to others behind ur back. thats all. IT is really sad. they are not bothered about ur reason. they want something to munch and spread. keep away from those people. It is people's business to poke in "none of their business" issues. That is their first and foremost duty. But there are also good people but it is really hard to identify.
     
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  8. ChennaiExpress

    ChennaiExpress IL Hall of Fame

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    Well .... ok

    When my marriage was shattered, I didn't want to speak to anyone myself. Few of my relatives actually enjoyed gossiping that this seemingly perfect jodi was smashed. One idiot relative thought it was my fault (I was surprised when he kept his Fb profile photo black, in solidarity with the Delhi rape victim, I thought he would blame her for her plight!)

    At the same time, (married) co-workers who suddenly became my friend when it seemed I married a "great catch" suddenly disappeared when I suffered a miscarriage, had to serve order of protection, and finally dissolve the marriage.

    It's not that all marrieds are heartless, they are usually quite busy with their own lives, esp their children's lives, and circumstances stick them with similar type people.
     
  9. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    When things happen to one's life, there isn't a lot you can do to please everyone. On balance divorce is a positive outcome -- the misery of a bad marriage ought to be more than the perceived misery of how "others view" the divorced person. Given a few weeks, the opinionated will exhaust themselves, and then get busy with viewing other things to opine about.

    “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
     
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  10. Dreamer

    Dreamer Silver IL'ite

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    Makes sense. Society seems to have a problem with anyone and everyone who is 'different'. I wonder why though. Maybe because most people are unhappy and they try to find other people who 'they' think have some problem in their lives just so that they can ignore their own problems.
     

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