Do You Get Time ?

suggesting based on your post..

Don’t call every single day, calling 10-15 times every day before they pick up is not normal. Call only once from now on, if they don’t pick, don’t call again till they develop the habit of picking or calling back, because it’s not normal. if they ask about the change, say you feel very “guilty” about disturbing them n decided to grow up for their sake.

Some gap will give more quality contents to talk n add on respect.

Time management is different for everyone. Taking care of kids, in laws n a hubby is not easy n if there are some drama added to it, it can drain you beyond words. So it’s not about being physically busy alone, but being mentally busy too. So can’t really compare without knowing all about ones life.

Advises, keep it minimal. They might be already hearing about what they are doin right n wrong from their spouses n in laws, n you adding on more advises might not be a great feeling. No one likes constant advises.
Looks like they already feel you have it easy by not having kids yet, no in laws living with you, better financials n living conditions, free to do whatever you want, etc n they might not have all of that N you advising on top of that, may only annoy more. Make a mental note to advise only once in 3 weeks or longer.

Make your conversations more fun, common topics, don’t let it swirl only around family n it’s drama n advises.

 

When I got married and the years I had no kid I would tell my sis what busy u r ..but she told me me it happens and then I got to know after having one ..get yourself busy ..I call my mom’s house as P.M modi’s house since they always say busy she she a grand mom of two little naughty kiddos as they live together and my mom helps a lot so but it’s fine as she wants to help her dil..

 

Putting on weight after a baby is pretty common. Losing all the pregnancy weight needs good diet and excercise which requires time, something a new mother might not have. It took me good two years to get rid of my extra weight .
The character flaw that your BIL has will not be rectified by losing weight or dressing well . Your sisters self esteem may be impacted by BIL behavior already. Please be kind to her and not convey that she is not good enough.

Young kids can get pretty clingy. I have had my toddler cry on the top of his lungs when I took a bathroom break. That is life as a mother for you.

You should take a break from calling or advising any of your sisters. If they need help they will reach out to you.

 

Ur life is different than theirs. Don't compare as it will never be correct . It's not just about how many hours u work , it's also about dealing with the inlaws stress, kids planning etc or mentally busy as @ashneys says.im sure u have Ur own challenges too but everyone's energy levels are different , and everyone's stress handling capacity is different , some people need a lot of ''' me time" to deal with life's daily stresses.

Ur second sisters case , by telling her to lose weight or dress well u r indirectly justifying her husband's cheating . That will definitely hurt and irritate her. By giving unsolicited advice we become villains and unwelcome.

Like @troubledmom said u never know what BIL has conveyed to her. With such a cheating experience, a woman can become so insecure and she may be blaming u .. all this is human psychology whether it's correct or not. Better u reduce contact with her for a while otherwise u may get pulled into that mess .if she needs Ur support she will seek u out.

Don't depend so much on Ur sisters as they are not that interested . Siblings get busy after marriage . If they want Ur company they will seek u out. By going after them u r setting urself to be taken for granted.

 

If you want your sisters to talk with you for hours togather its very easy..

Do's
1. Say what they like to hear.. Appreciate a lot
2. ask about their kids, like "what mischievous they did today"
3. appreciate their kids naughtiness
4. Just listten to their problem and give emotional support.


Don't
1. Please dont give any advice on their parenting, time management, weight management unless or otherwise they ask you.
2. Dont give any solution for any problem ... They are sharing their problem for some emotional support only

 

call them when they call u ..they dont appreciate u and may b jealous of ur life too ...kids r just excuse cuz as u said they were like this bfr the kids came...ur husband is right . contact friends instead
btw is ur mom the same way?? if not then call here instead of them ...even sisters can be mean sometimes .
many women with kids are really jealous of those who dont hv / hv more freedom ...may be they despise u (may be or may not be ) for ur freedom ...u dont need their appreciation /approval / justification. just because someone is realted dsnt mean they will like u or help u.. (sorry 4 mistakes.. written it in hurry )

 

No one would get time,its all about priority and creating time. Give yourself a long break from the continuous chase.
Youre right self care is important,I think they are not comfortable 'you' advising them. Take is easy.

 

Dear
Ashneys has summarised it well. I understand how you feel.

It's very important not to give advices even to siblings. No one likes it and siblings are no exception. It might backfire one day.

Also it's clear that you don't live with in-laws. You are free to do everything on your own. But remember your sisters are living with their in-laws. They might not feel free to talk every time you call. Also with kids it's not easy to talk on a daily basis that too at the same time. You can better call them once a week on weekends if they are happy about it.
That too, don't expect them to answer as soon as you call. Sometimes they won't be in a situation to pick up and they or you might call at a later time. It might even get postponed a few more times. Don't be disheartened. This can happen.
And for your Bill's matter as ashneys have said your sister might believe your BIL more than you. Don't give anymore advices about your Bil. Your sister might feel bad to discuss the same things with you after you had a good husband.

Please back off a little and try to limit your calls to once a week or once in two weeks.

India is not America to have so much time in hand without stress in mind. I am not saying Indians will mot have time. The level of stress of living with in-laws and taking care of a kid simultaneously adds to stress levels. Do understand and wake up.

Also they might be jealous of you to have settled in a free environment.

 

OP,
You will understand their life and their issues, stress etc only if you are in their shoes or in a similar environment with kids, in laws etc. You don't have similar problems now. So its better not to compare or give advice based on your 'limited' experience. If there is a will there is way, but we are not machines, so it wont work all the time.

No one like unsolicited advice from anyone. It is a kind of mental abuse. If they ask your opinion or advice only then suggest something, else just be a listener. Always try to be positive over phone or talk good things instead of finding fault.

I have noted that we can talk anything in person, but over phone, even a small complaint appear big to the listener as the face is not visible to them. So I follow a strategy to talk positive, boost their confidence , appreciate good things etc. If we talk negative, no one will be interested to listen, even your phone call will elevate their stress. Make your calls a happy period for them. Start appreciating them, you will see the difference.

Let your sister solve her issues with your BIL, if she asks support then help her, if not don't interfere in it. Its her life , she is an adult, let her decide what works for her. As they all are super busy, they may feel that you are enjoying a super relaxed & happy life and have lot of time to advice. So don't chase them. If they want you, they will come to you.

I don't understand the need to call everyday and also don't know what to talk everyday. It will be a good strategy to limit your call to one per week. That will save you more good things to talk. If they are busy (if they complain like that they are annoyed by your call), respect that. Be busy with your life. If you want to call some one everyday, assign one day for each sister or parent and limit calls or divert your attention to friends. The relationship with siblings will change after marriage and after having their own family. They devote their attention to their own family & kids. You will understand it soon. Every stage of life has its own challenges, ups and downs. So cheer up now and take it easy.