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Anxiety And Mil

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Starkgirl, Aug 16, 2018.

  1. Starkgirl

    Starkgirl Silver IL'ite

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    I started having anxiety and depression from very young age and been on SSRI to control it. Before i met DH I was in a emotionally abusive relationship, that experience led me question my self worth resulting in very low self esteem and lot of self hatred and trust issues.and in turn my anxiety and depression doubled over after that..
    I never had any kind of support system while growing up as my parents were caught up in their own troubles and I was left alone to deal with my mental illness , bad relation , low self esteem so on...
    It is until I met DH things started to change, he accepted me even after knowing my medical conditions, he is kind , affectionate, protective of me. He knows me way too well that sometime I don’t even have to say what is going on but he will know what is happening in my mind. He is the kind of person everyone said I am not worth of , my best friend indeed (touchwood)
    Everything was good until my MIL came to visit us in US. She could not take that her son treat me well, prioritize me more and does not stand if anyone tries to say hurtful things to me including her.
    Lot of issues happened and she repeatedly made me aware that I am not good for her son, I am weak, like I am nothing . It led me to go into deep depression and anxiety. Along with that all those ugly emotions of self worth and self hatred cropped up in my mind making me believe her word. She got into my head just like the guy who emotionally abused me for months to the point many times I thought of killing my self because of the suffering I was going through. But I survived those days.
    Now since we are moving back to India, all my fears are coming back... i Fear living with that lady, I fear her words, her taunts which affects me deeply, I fear the never ending drama where in I am always the bad wife, I fear spoiling my relationship with my DH . I have so many fears of going back to India mainly because of my mil , I fear she will torture me day in and out and there is nothing in the world I could do stop her or there is nothing in me left to stop her.
    I feel myself so weak filled with these irrational fears which no one understand, I am full never ending depression and anxiety which is getting better of me as years pass by, I am so tired of feeling like this ... sometime I feel I am broken to the point no one can fix me , there is nothing left in this world which can make feel better.
    Currently I am 17weeks pregnant and we are extremely happy that we are having a baby but I don’t want any of these ugly emotions near my baby , I want my baby to be beautiful and strong like her papa . Not bitter and troubled like me. And for that I am ready to do anything but
    What should I do ? How should I convince myself that things are good, I fear worst all time, how should I tell myself it’s not true , how should I tell my mind what my mil doing is what naturally a mil does and I should just ignore it and live my life ... I am tired of myself
    Will it be wrong on my part if I tell my DH that I don’t want to stay with her because it is affecting my mental health? But then it’s not the solution because tomorrow someone else will come and make feel the same way...
    Please tel me what should I do ?
     
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  2. Gauri03

    Gauri03 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    This type of anxiety cannot be mitigated by controlling external influences. Literally anything can be a trigger and send you down an anxiety spiral. You should seek professional assistance. Have you tried behavioral therapy of any kind? The way you describe your thought process I think you would benefit immensely from either Cognitive or Dialectical Behavior Therapy. A skilled CBT therapist can teach you to identify distorted thought patterns and challenge them. You mention fearing the worst which is an example of 'catastrophic thinking', exactly the sort of thing they teach you to identify in CBT. If seeing a therapist one on one is not feasible for any reason, check your local hospitals. Where I live hospitals offer 6-12 week CBT programs that teach common cognitive distortions and the tools to mitigate such thinking. If you can't avail of such services I highly recommend starting with this book -- https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336 Though in your case I feel one on one sessions with a specialist will be ideal.

    Until then, when you are feeling anxious or overwhelmed with unwanted thoughts, try putting your hand gently on your chest. Breathe deeply and practice saying the following to yourself as calmly and sincerely as possible until you can feel yourself relaxing.

    "This is a feeling. Feelings pass. Nothing is as bad as my mind makes it out to be. Everything will turn out just fine.”

    You have a loving husband and a baby on the way. No matter what your MIL says your husband seems to be resolutely on your side. Stay focused on the good things and have a safe and happy pregnancy!
     
    Optimist2019, shravs3, Laks09 and 2 others like this.
  3. Starkgirl

    Starkgirl Silver IL'ite

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    Thank you for your response .
    4 years back when I got engaged , for the first time my parents saw the severity of my anxiety and depression and took me to a doctor, I was immediately put on SSRI and sent to a CB therapist but I couldn’t finish my therapy as i had to move to US with dH
    In my therapy they did recognize that my past relationship played a major role and also that I am zero assertive. I don’t know how to tell someone to stop when they are hurting me.
    Now after going to India I am thinking of Finding a good therapist to help with my issues.
    I did not know about other therapy which you mentioned , I will have a look into it
    Thank you
     
  4. Optimist2019

    Optimist2019 New IL'ite

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    Sorry for interrupting the post.
    Hi Gauri,
    I have seen you had mentioned about CBT and DBT training program at the Hospitals..Please,if you have any details could you pass them to me.
    I have tried researching about them to find any where in USA.Could not find such one.
    Thanks in advance ,
    Optimist.
     

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