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Sending Daughter To India On Vacation

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Independentgal, Aug 2, 2018.

  1. parvathi1980

    parvathi1980 Platinum IL'ite

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    No paedophiles in the USA? No crime? Well you have to be cautious in any big city of the world. Not just young girls but also young boys and women. Teach your kids to be careful of strangers. And also not do anything that makes them uncomfortable. And request grandparents to be in the child's vicinity when she goes out to play.
     
  2. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    Children are no longer safe in any country. That aside why is your husband arguing with his heavily pregnant wife for a trip that is 1 year away ?
     
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  3. mimi77

    mimi77 Gold IL'ite

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    If there's a concern in your mind,pls dont send the child alone .....A child feels much safer with the mother around her.....And mother knows best.....you will remain always worried about your child till the time she is back home safe.....And in India , so many nasty things happen in the home itself with extended family members ......Its not so safe.......No need to please anybody at the cost of your child's safety.....pls follow what your conscience says....
    .
     
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  4. peartree

    peartree Platinum IL'ite

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    The child is going with her dad. Not alone.
     
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  5. mimi77

    mimi77 Gold IL'ite

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    Yeah but still not safe......her dad will certainly trust his own parents ,but how responsible are the grand parents.....thats a big question which only OP can answer.....despite being responsible parents children are falling prey to sexual assault abd they are only grand parents.......A ten year old child is too small to visit someone 's house without the mother......my personal opinion....no offence meant
     
  6. blackbeauty84

    blackbeauty84 IL Hall of Fame

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    Make some ground rules:
    That either father/grand parents should be with her 24/7
    She should always have mobile phone with her and have the emergency number saved.
    If the father/grand parents are taking her somewhere, you should be informed

    I think you should allow your husband to take your child for vacation. Prepare your daughter on staying in the vicinity of grand parents/father, when to ask for help etc. You are just sending your child to grandparents house. I'm not sure what worries you so much unless your husband/in-laws are very irresponsible.
     
  7. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Platinum IL'ite

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    If there is a tough decision to make, I always think what is the worst possible outcome if you decide for it, and If the worst possible thing is something you could live with , you shouldn't think twice. In this case, if something goes wrong, will you ever forgive yourself? No matter how good your mil or anyone else is, no one else can be the protector better than you. No, please don't allow her to go without you. p.s I stayed under loving grandparents but I still had many unpleasant experiences.
     
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  8. Mathima

    Mathima Bronze IL'ite

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    I agree with this. And like old days v should make their families suffer for this. Their identity should be revealed n punished for grooming such morons. It's equally the responsibility of the parents of male child to make them understand the opposite gender and how they should take care of themselves n their female siblings or friends. We should monitor the behavior of child then n there to help them come out of teenage issues.

    As a father of 5 month old girl my hubby now itself telling let's keep her at home n study. Y to school. May be a thing of joke but when hearing news daily I too think is there any option like dat. My elder one is autistic boy n it makes me more worry that even if some harassment happens to him in future will he able to convey and if can't what I'm going to do.
    Coming to the thread topic, u juz make sure that it's the responsibility of ur in laws to take care of LO. Instruct her to never ever leave alone outside home n always to be in front of grand parents. If anything she felt awkward means she should immediately inform them.
    Above all if u dont want to let her go try this one to convince ur hubby.since u told she's gonna be 10 years wt i felt was she is in the margin age of attaining puberty , so tel dis as reason. I'm not frightening you but nowadays 10 years becoming normal for girl to attain puberty. I've seen many girls like that. Don't mistake me.juz a thought.
    I'm sorry if u got hurt.
     
  9. shama146

    shama146 Gold IL'ite

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    Even if u let her go, u will be in tremendous stress till she comes back, which is not good for u since u r pregnant.

    Prevention is always better. What if some untoward incident happens. Convince ur hubby. Tension is not good for ur health now.
     
  10. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    If he has taken her by himself a few times, then you have less to support your argument. And she is older now.

    You worry is kind of understandable, but you have to learn to deal with it, and to take whatever measures you can to mitigate the already low risk of something happening. You cannot stop him from taking her because of the reason that you are worried about media reports. As a mother, I understand your fears, but he is her father, and has equal rights to take her. Don't let your fears and worries rock the boat when your marriage is getting back to a better state.

    About "if he spends 110% of time with her..":
    That is not possible. Perhaps not even for you. At 10 years, kid will go out with relatives. There might be many guests in the house, you might step away to go to the bathroom or something.

    What if he says something like this in the future: "I will not let you take her or baby to India because if they fall sick in the middle of the night, you will not be able to take them to a doctor yourself."

    I will again say - I understand your worries, but you cannot stop him based on that. When I once had similar worries, I rationalized to myself: "If I die young, my kids will have only one parent -- him. If we both die, our kids will go to our relatives." If I can't trust husband or relatives with my kids when I am alive, then... : )

    So, I'd suggest make peace with the fact that you cannot stop him. It is not nice to deny him that experience. Focus on what you can do to alleviate your worries. Such as:

    - at 10 years, your DD is old enough to understand and remember precautions and safety stuff that you tell her, slowly over a period of weeks, without letting your worries, fears show through.

    - stop arguing about the issue. Instead, gently, tactfully, in small doses, tell husband what you worry about, and what he can do. Don't ask for the impossible of he be with her 110% of the time.

    - find one ally among the relatives or in-laws. Talk with them about you situation, making sure to present it as a problem you have. Don't bring up media news. Try a tactful approach. Perhaps, say that she is at an age where she needs to be reminded to cross road safely.. and then add on your actual worry. Present it as a problem because she is an NRI and you are the "over worried" mother.

    - more than strangers, you need to worry about relatives who are not staying in the house but visit to meet your husband and DD.

    - technology.. give your child a phone, charger with adapter, and regularly whatsapp. Make sure to show it as you are doing because you miss her. If you chat, do not interrogate her about dad's whereabouts. : ) Limit chat to a hello/hi/miss you. Be prepared for others to read the chats.

    Trust your husband. He is the father of the child. He is the father of your to-be-born. Might not be easy, but you kind of owe it to him.

    "Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body” ~ Elizabeth Stone
     

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