How To Deal With Incompatibility

I am not sure from which book I read this
The key to being stronger, happier people is to handle adversity better and stop trying to be positive all the time

 

@shravs3,

This is usual, every newly married couple will go through this - my view.

My DH used to do consulting on weekends in earlier days of our life and never was around during weekends. On one of my birthday, I set up an appointment to take a portrait of us (I was also pregnant), he didn't come home on that Saturday and we took the picture, eventually. I was the sad looking lady in the picture! It reminds me of 'how I cried' on that day. Sort of a turning point in my life?

Eventually, I "freed" myself, not to dependent on him; He didn't change, but I changed...not the same person who cried when he didn't show up for an appointment.

One of my hobby is...reading on random subject. Recently, I spent time on reading about astrology. It is a good philological / spiritual topic, explains about life. Everyone on this earth is on purpose to fulfill their dreams / needs or pay their dues. Considered as wealth are - education, career, money, spouse, life span, health, children, good parents, inheritance, caring siblings, reliable extended families / friends, and there are list of '12' categories. The total points assigned '337' and average of 28 points per category. Some category will get more points and some may be below average on the listed category. No matter what, everyone gets the same 337, let it be Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Salman Khan, Sri Devi or an average 'Joe' or 'Jane' on the street! Just think about it, count your blessings.

Look at the bigger picture in your life, where are you now, what you like to do in 5-years, 10-years from now!

 

But do the consultation and see if he changes ..try all the ways to make him different and then stop expecting if u r newly married.
U did mention it is his nature it will be hard for him to change but eventually he might..

 

not good. trust me my kid is in middle school. there is no time . lot of homework. and that too research based homework.

talk and convince.

wish there were a pill like in matrix. mix that with rice

 

The advice "dont get pregnant yet" was the best one for the OP. On the Other hand.....

Changing a husband is like raising a child with preexisting behavioral conditions. It is a lot easier to raise someone with no such preexisting conditions. This is the rationale to adopt a baby as young as possible. This is also the reason why we get pregnant right away, soon after the marriage, and focus on raising the kids the way we want them to be. This consumes all of the time (and a lot more), and one can easily forget the husband that is unchange'able, or at least have no time to pay attention to the situation. This is the reason elders in the family worry, and pester the married daughter to get pregnant right away, so that she'd soon forget about any of the misgivings/dissatisfactions etc.. about the slug she is married to.

Six of one, or half a dozen of the other. Such is life.

 

haha is how it feels in the early times in a marriage where a new bride concedes frustration with a husband.

It is not difficult to find posts on the IL forum from members who describe a married life of 12 years or more, of mental (and even light physical) abuse from the husband, and his clan, that come with the redeemer clause: "but, he is a good father for my two children 9, and 7". That but-clause is where she has given up, because she has no time for that.

A good (mental) exercise is to place yourself in your spouses's shoes (his point of view) and see how annoying you are in attempting to change him. Wouldn't he prefer that you do your household chores, keep your opinions about his behaviors to yourself, bring him a beer when he watches TV programs that you dont care for, and be Lovey-Dovey when he wants you to be. Wouldn't that be a wunderful life ? you serf, he master ?