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How To Deal With Incompatibility

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by shravs3, Aug 14, 2018.

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  1. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    I know that no two persons are same.
    Though husband and wife are one, they are 2 different people , with different world ,different experiences ,different perceptions and so on.

    For example I like going out on weekends - weekend getaways ( 2 -3 hrs from city )
    But my DH is not at all interested in it. He is a movie buff though. He likes to watch new movies at theatres. But I’m not against watching movies.

    I feel bored doing the same stuff again and again . Restaurants , movies grocery shopping . This has become only routine on weekends.
    I love exploring new places , sightseeing admire nature . But when I insist my DH , he keeps postponing things that we can go later , which according to me has never happened.
    Even last weekend I suggested some place which is just in the city but he said no we are not going this time. Let’s see next weekend.

    But he never listens to whatever I tell but if I don’t listen to him next moment a fight will start!


    I am feeling kind of disturbed. This is slowly killing me inside. I feel that he is not listening to me and kind of getting depressed.

    According to me both should listen to each other . Whereas he says only if wife listens always only then husband can listen to wife which may takes up to ages.

    I even tried speaking softly to him that everytime he keeps postponing stuffs. That moment he says he will do but never does. I need to force him a lot for which sometimes I lose my patience !
    After marriage all his cousins and parents told the same ! That he is very lazy and we need to keep bugging him to do some work . Since I’m not used to such thing I feel irritated.

    I am a person who will finish the work when I think something. But he is other way round.

    I know Men are from Mars but women are from Venus. But I’m feeling difficult to accept this fact at times.
    How to deal with such incompatibility issues.
     
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2018
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  2. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    I had a love marriage after dating for 4 years. A loud Punjabi married to a traditional madrasi as we like to call it. We could not be more different. I love dancing while the husband has two left feet. I love tandoori chicken while the husband considers mushroom to be non-veg. We have had to make so many adjustments along the way because we wanted to.

    Designate one weekend a month as your outing weekend. The next weekend for movies . Then both of you are happy. If you do not have kids yet you can also venture out alone for sightseeing.

    I like to plan everything while husband is a last minute kind of guy. If you force someone to do something they will resist and detest it. I plan and execute whatever is under my control. He takes care of things his way. Arguments do not change anything. So let him handle things the way he wants to unless it impacts something very important.

    It is important to reach an equilibrium in the marriage before kids are born . It is foolish to start out with a shaky unbalanced boat in the sea because there is a greater chance of sinking when there is a storm.
    You will find that equilibrium if you want to stay in the marriage and keep it happy.
     
    Itsmylife143, sokanasanah and shravs3 like this.
  3. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    I would be happy even if its once a month. But he says ok and never follows it. This is what makes me frustrated!!
     
  4. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    That's impossible since he never wants me to go alone! Telling US is not safe blah blah. I am even ready to explore on my own. He neither allows me nor he takes me.That's the problem!
     
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  5. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    Do you have friends that you can go out with? Start with small outings close by. If you are not working you can go out on weekdays . Invite friends home when he is around so he knows you are in good company .
    Is there a park close by ? Start going for walks alone or go jogging by yourself. Slowly get him used to the idea of you doing things independently.
    If he has a problem with everything above I do not know what the solution is. The only thing I can recommend is not to plan kids if you already haven’t . Parenting brings its own challenges to the strongest of marriages and relationships.
    I assume you want to stay in this marriage and make it work. It seems like it will take a lot more adjustments on your side than from his. Make sure you are ok with this and give it your best. Finally make sure this marriage and your husband are worth all these adjustments .


     
  6. mangaii

    mangaii Finest Post Winner

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    @shravs3 can you find a friend who has similar interest like you ?
    I doubt your husband will change his life style.
     
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  7. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Got one friend but she has a kid so completely busy with kid. I am not getting any like-minded friends here :( Which is making me crazy!
    Sometimes I do feel I'm pestering DH, but he hardly cares my interest
     
  8. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    There are no much Indians/ like-minded people nearby. I feel as if I'm in a cage
     
  9. mangaii

    mangaii Finest Post Winner

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    How about joining some group tours ?
     
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  10. mangaii

    mangaii Finest Post Winner

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    Remove the Indian part you will find lot of people. You need to be part of group activity to make friends . You cannot magically bump into like-minded people. How about joining some non-profit organization ?
     
    sindmani, SinghManisha and shravs3 like this.
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