Horrible Wife In A Good Marriage

If your husband is earning 5X yours, I can understand his pressure and wanting to relax the few hours he is at home. My suggestion is to sit with your husband and plan what you both need and how you want to plan your life.

I can see that you want to work, but it's probably a good idea to take a break from work and focus on the family when the current set up is affecting your family. After your kids are a little older, you can plan to go back to work.

 

Good start.

No no and NO seeking help from a professional is not a character flaw. U both really need to get out of this mindset. As long as he is not physically stopping you at this point it hardly matters whether he is thrilled about this idea or not.

The absence of a moms helper has already impacted u and ur marriage. There in lies ur answer.

 

Aren't you being too hard on her?

OP lost her semblance in a moment of frustration and hit her husband. She recognized her mistake herself, so is seeking suggestions on how not to repeat the same mistake. She deserves empathy but not another 'shame on you' beating.

OP,
You don't have to be ashamed that your husband earns 5 times you, so deserves to be given free time while you slog just to keep your employment alive.

My wife works in an academic field and has made less money than me; I have worked in corporate all these years. In no way, she is inferior, so deserves to do all house work herself.

Your kids are very young. 5 months old which is still fed by breast milk pumped by mother during her work hours and a pre-schooler, so you as a couple need to work together as a team.

I have seen many middle age working couple of Indian origin taking help from both sets of parents till their kids are 7-8 years old; some of them seek their parent's help even when their kids reach high school age.

 

Don't rush to take away what interactions he might enjoy.
Just ask him if (&how) he likes being playfully hit now and then.
Each pair is unique and there are no generic how-to's.
Go on and have a happy life.

 

There is more than one strand in your OP, but let's take a minute to reflect on this bit, above. I do not have children of my own, but, like most of us, I have been a child, and the older I get, the more grateful I am for some things my parents and grandparents did in raising me. So, with the proverbial reminder about a pinch of salt, here's my perspective.

When raising children amidst the hurly-burly of our formless, liquid lives, two opportunities are not to be missed - the dinner table and bedtime. Around a convivial table is where you teach children how to flourish as social beings, to remember their pleases and thank yous, to speak and be heard, to cultivate the art of conversation, to listen but not interrupt, to connect and invite connection, and most of all, to master the indispensable art of breaking bread with family and friends, and perhaps the occasional stranger, to be a gracious host.

And then, a few hours after dinner, and family time and homework, follows bedtime. That is your chance to nourish them as individuals, to grow cultivated, refined men and women from boys and girls. Just before bed is when children have their defenses down, their restless energies at a low ebb, when, even if they may not be at their most receptive, they are at least at their least resistant. That's when they are drowsily vulnerable and trusting. Any thoughtful parent must take advantage of that.

This is the moment when you put into their heads the thoughts that you want in there. This is the time to explain the reasons for reward and punishment, for time-outs and grounding, for seizure of the Xbox and maybe even car keys - although by that time, they may well be revelling in the pleasures of their "I-hate-you!" phase - your time to explain why the sanctions hurt you more than it hurts them. Under the blankie, and the soft light of the reading lamp is where you teach them to be kind and generous, to forgive and seek forgiveness.

Hold back the Wild Things where they are, say Goodnight Moon, and grab your chance to tell them that you love them to bits, but it's your job as the parent to keep them safe and to teach them how to live; that not condoning bad behavior is a big part of it. This is when you reassure them about the value of the piano and the Tae-Kwan Do; where, with the quality of your attention, you reinforce their trust in you. Bedtime is when you water a child's innate imagination by reading to her, where you show her all that is possible while at the same time encouraging her to seek only what is genuinely worth having.

Bedtime ritual is not just about toothpaste and jammies. It is where you get to be the parent and she the child, in the very best sense of the word. It is an opportunity not to be missed. Outsourcing it would be a loss, whether you realize it or not. Your husband doesn't realize what he is missing. Get help as you need it, but remain mindful.

Here are two articles that you might like, about the same story:

• A Lot of Books at Bedtime
• A Father-Daughter Bond, Page by Page

 

This is rude.

 

Not rude at all. This is rather gentle.

The hubby's suggestion that they outsource the evening routine, is SO in line for wealthy, busy, upscale, people. It is only for the egalitarian masses that the notion of having to parent a child in the evening and the bedtime routine etc.. applies. If one is wealthy, or royalty, one would hire nannies, like Ms. Mary Poppins. She would do the appropriate evening routines with school-work, and then the tuck the tots into beds, and do the reading rigamarole. In the time saved the OP would have her man in her boudoir and minister to him appropriately after his hard day at work ... doing the whatever.... that would rejuvenate him back to happiness.

Bravo JAG.

 

I guess being rude is the norm in IL now.

 

My response was to her shame on you, not on the nanny idea. Read properly

 

@justanothergirl omg, u posted such an eloquent reply. 99% of my thoughts (except for c couple of lines) uve covered such neatly. how do u do that?? ..some tips would be helpful for many of us