Battle Of The Bulge

Indian army is now on to fight one of the toughest battles it has faced, battle of the bulge. Nope, it is not a battle against any country and no city is going to be attacked—except obesity.


Yep! Army chief Bipin Rawat has declared war against obesity among the officers and men. Massive majors, colossal colonels and heaqvy havildars will face the stick, if they don’t fight the battle of the bulge and win hands down against their pot bellie annihilating them completely.


Not only the men in combat duties but even army doctors who certify fat as fit will face the good general’s wrath.


Must say this is the toughest battle, army has ever faced. Reduce the tummy? Easier said than done. We belong to a culture where a protruding tummy is still considered a sign of prosperity depite mushrooming gyms and fitness centres. A lean and mean look is considered unhealthy.


Thin guys arte considered sinister. Remember what Julius Caesar said to Mark Antony? Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar I mean.. “Let me have men about me that are fat. Yond Cassius has a len and hungry look.’ Fat men were considered trustworthy. Too lazy to lift a knife and stab you in the back.


Bue Caesar never considered the possibility of the coliseum collapsing during some gladiatorial game and all the fat men falling on him and crushing him. But to be fair coliseum was not build by modern day contractors who are probably inspired by house of cards and a large part of it still stands proudly even after a couple of millennia.


Aw forget the army. Caesar and his fatsos. Take my own case . Once I brought down my weight from a healthy 80 plus kilos to a not so healthy 58 kg through rigorous fitness training. I received q uite a lot of what sounded almost like condolence messages with everyone worried sick about my health.. Someone told me that behind my back, the speculation ranged from TB to HI/AIDS


Now regular exercising keeps my weight around 70 kg with perfect height –weight ratio for a guy of my height. Bit few months ago the weight came down to 66 kg and the wife in her wisdom thought I suffered from some kind of a thyroid complication. She gavce up the idea only when I added a few more kilos though she frowns upon obesity..


Now let us get back to my “former “healthy” 89 plus weight. I owre it all to my dear mom. She belonged to a generation which saw virtue in obesity like Julius Caesar. She thought I was underweight (IK think I was of perfectly normal weight as a kid). So my breakfast included eggs with honey and full cream milk. Other meals included stuffed paranthas dripping with ghee. And Lord Ganesha with his pot belly was held up for me as a rile model. And in no time I got bloated like a balloon.


Marriage and an extremely lean wife who frowned upon my size like General Rawat now frowns upon his pot-bellied subordinates and a gym that came up in my club changed things radically and I started shedding kilo after kilo under my mom’s disapproving eye.


That is why I see the Battle of the Bulge as the toughest battle the Indian army will ever face in a country where obesity of a man iss still considered a sign of prosperity of the groom’s family in the marriage market where “khaata peetha ghar ka ladka” (boy from well fed family ) is still very much in demand and lot of people still probably think obesity is some kind of a city.

It is like the story of Sisyphus who pushed a boulder up a slope only to have it roll down again . He is condemned to eternally push the boulder up the slope. Army chaps shed loads of weight and win the battle of the Bulge. But it is only a pyrrhic victory. Go home for vacation ad mommy dearest worried that sonny boy is not being fed properly by the army stuffs him with ghee rich, stuffed parathas, not to speak of other calorific comestibles. They return to duty overweight and hapless Sisyphus starts pushing his boulder up the slope again. Battle of the Bulge round two.


To get out of this fix, I suggest army should not only target the officers and men and the docs who certify fatsos as fit but also doting moms who make all their sons’ efforts to lose weight a futile exercise. This is child abuse of the worst kind, even if our brave officers and men are not kids anymore, they are still their mom’s children.


May be the army like it doles out bravery awards during both war and civilian times can also give medals to fatsos who become fit nd stay fit defeating all the conspiracies of their worst enemies, scheming moms who are determined to make them lose the Battle of the Bulge.

 

Visw few days ago I saw my favorite Sitarist hujkat Khan perform on TV. I was shocked by the condition to which he was reduced. Mormally plump, he has become hugely fat. He gave the impression that he was unable to keep his eyes open because fat was falling over them. Obesity is a curse. I know I have personally experienced it. And for someone on combat duty, it could im pair mobility at crucial times,

 

More than the army, Satchi, police forces are prone to obesity. In Delhi it is very difficult to see a col[p without protruding belly. Yes it is a major battle and it is for the soldiers, paramilitary tloopers and cops to rnsure that the victory in the battle is not Pyrrhic.-

 

Yes that is the biggest problem with the battle of the bulge. You need real determination to stay away from all those yummy goodies or determination to put in enough exercise to burn all the calories gained from themk.