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How To Handle Silent Treatment?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by deeprapriya, Jul 21, 2016.

  1. bubble

    bubble New IL'ite

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    Hi Ladies,

    I am exactly in same situation where once @deeprapriya was. My husband and I had a very bad fight on last Sunday. It actually started silly and later escalated to more serious fight. I am working lady and live my lifer quite independently. I manage most of the things by myself.

    As my daughter and my husband were messing up each and every room while playing, I got angry and told him to sort out the things once they finish playing & before moving to another room. And also I complained to him that he is not helping me in house hold stuff and I am managing the things all by myself even after asking for help. This got him irked and started shouting on me saying that I am arrogant and hot head as I am working and has a house to live. He accused me that I don't value him and his family. His ranting continued for an hour or so. I just left the room and stayed away from him as I didn't want to prolong the fight. Later, he stopped talking to me and started giving me silent treatment. I ignored his behavior that day but it continued the next day also. I waited till monday and gave him a call when he was in office as he was very rude at home whenever I tried to talk something to him. He said on phone that he don't need me anymore and will not talk to me forever. He doesn't care if I am there in the house or not. I became sad hearing all this and hang up the phone. I am ignoring his behavior to the best I can but its really hurting me. Like the OP of this thread mentioned, I too an extrovert and very loved & pampered by my family. Sometimes, I feel what did I do to deserve this kind of behavior from him. He completely misunderstood me. He feels I am arrogant and headstrong person but in actual I am just a person with self respect. He is even making my daughter hate me. He is supporting her and making me a villain when ever I tell her to behave. Like in the mornings, she is very reluctant to brush even though she is getting late to school. If I tell her firmly, she cries and goes to him and he will start saying how your mom shouts at you. Ignore her. We don't need her. All these things he says to her.
    I feel very helpless at times. My birthday too is coming in a week's time. I stopped talking to my mom on phone as I feel she will sense the tension in my voice. I usually speak to her everyday. I told her that I am having very hectic week ahead. She is inquiring whether I bought new dress for my birthday. How can I tell her that I am going to have very lonely birthday this time. I don't know how long this will continue and in next month my parents are going to visit us. I hope things gets resolved by then. I don't want him to be rude or disrespect my parents because of the fights we had. He threatened me that he is going to question my parents about my upbringing.
     
  2. deeprapriya

    deeprapriya Gold IL'ite

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    @bubble,

    I just saw the alert today and stepped in to see your message.I was surprised to see that it is my thread which is 2 years ago.

    Life has changed a lot and I learnt a lot.I delivered another baby and I am a happy SAHM now.so packed my Mil to her town.

    Like everyone mentioned, JUST IGNORE. It's really tuff as the day passes by.the more you peg him to talk,the more demanding he will be.

    It's all brought up of him dear, sorry to say that.

    I know you are is in pain....but this is something that you can't change.
    Strongly believe that your happiness is with you,not with him.

    Like other days, you do your work automatically without showing that you are upset. Cook for him and keep his food on the table.enjoy with dd. It should be like you are doing work perfect at home and he is only not talking.

    If he asks DD, and puts a bad image on you, you erase it....it is easy to pull the child by talking to her and make her get ready.tell her,if you brush, I will get you a small gift or something she will enjoy...

    If he tells your DD that, we don't need mummy, at that time itself you correct her, how important she is for you and how important mom is for everyone. She will change.he will be ignored by your words.

    If he doesn't talk to you till birthday, you enjoy...go to temple and cook items as per your wish...

    Next time dont expect him to do the household things, if you can, you do it.otherwise leave the items as it is.leave the toys in floor, clean it when you find time.if he asks, tell him you are very tired...if he pulls you for a fight, tell strongly that, if you can't help just keep quiet, don't fight with me...I will do when I am able to do.

    I had faced this, seeing me getting tired he changed to an extent like arranging stuffs,taking care of kids, buying veggies, drying clothes. But when he started helping I didn't ignore, I appreciated in front kid like saying see ma, daddy helping me a lot.... this way his image in front of child also has to be maintained la.

    But still, there are so many things happening,but I don't take it seriously

    I know how it is, but we need to come out of it.. advance wishes for your birthday.when is it?.mine is on July 22nd.
     
    SunPa likes this.
  3. senoritaaa

    senoritaaa Bronze IL'ite

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    In my opinion , Handling Silent treament depends on the issue.

    1) If you really think you are not at fault and you have done nothing wrong, you are good. Think from their repsepective as well to arrive at a judgement. So once the issue colls off, you can make an attempt to state your point or explain. yoy may or maynot get a proper respose to this . But still no harm in making an attempt . Be firm and calm and just state your justifications. This approach works if the opposite side is a person who understands .

    2)And in casses were you are at fault, you can apologize.

    This will set expectations about you that you will give in if it is your fault and will not give in where you thik you are not at fault. THis wil help for future issues as well so taht the person will not try unjustifed demands
     
    yellowmango likes this.
  4. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    @bubble.
    Ask your parents to post pone the visit for sometime.
    Make any excuse or tell them the truth.
    Don't let him blackmail you with this and do not let him misbehave with your parents.
    (If the visit is a few months away....this can wait)

    Tell him you have asked your parents not to come because if he can not respect you ,you doubt he will respect them either.After that,don't discuss this.

    As for house work. Get a maid to do most work ,rest you do. If they make a mess after that...let it stay there.

    If daughter is troublesome in the morning....send her to her loving dad for brushing. Tell her ,go to dad sweety....he will help you brush nicely ...I am busy with other work. Let him do the dirty work.

    For some time ,ease up with daughter .
    You can discipline her later .
    Don't let him make her a tool in his powergame.

    You work with her when she is in a good mood.
     

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