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How To Forget Someone

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by daksh, Jul 16, 2018.

  1. daksh

    daksh Silver IL'ite

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    I badly some help to get my emotions under control. Please don't judge me, I myself could not understand my feelings.

    I started a new job at this new place 4 months ago. I met this guy on my second day when my ID badge didn't work, he helped me to get inside. He was my boss's boss, Indian American, single, in his mid forties. For some reason, he started giving special attention to me from the start, will appreciate me a lot during meetings, will smile and say hi to me whenever he passes by my cubicle, basically being extra nice to me when compared to others. Then he pulled me into this high profile project when one of his resources left, the project was half way through, I was so new to the organization. He bypassed my manager and started working with me directly. He was super nice and I started to like him too but not in a romantic way. It was so clear he was attracted to me and I was feeling so uncomfortable because of his extra attention, so when the project ended, when I had a one-on-one with him, I voluntarily told him that I am married and showed my family pictures. He was so upset but didn't mention anything explicitly, we talked about our families, life, career, so many things for close to 3 hours. I felt too sorry for him. After that, I didn't see him at all for the next two weeks. After two weeks, it looks like he gave his notice, for whatever reason I don't know. He left 5 weeks later.

    Ever since I heard that he is leaving, I feel so weird, sad, I miss him so much, have been thinking about him a lot. I thought it was just temporary, I will slowly get back to my usual self. It has been 3 three weeks since he left, but I still miss him, the conference rooms bring back the fond memories and talks that we had. I really miss him, I don't usually miss anyone that easily, I am puzzled by my own feelings. Between I am happily married with two kids.
     
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  2. pinky2cute

    pinky2cute Platinum IL'ite

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    This is just infatuation which happens during teenage when the raging hormones and attraction towards opposite sex is at peaks....or when in a routine monotonous well settled married life suddenly there is an entry of someone who gives you more attention.

    Eventually both these phases are temporary and pass off.

    Now what can you do? The more you think to forget, the more you will remember. So instead of trying to find ways of forgetting, just carryon with your routine. Try to rekindle romance between you and your husband.
    Maybe wear something he likes to see you in... Decorate ur bedroom ..put ur kids to sleep early and spend some romantic moments with ur dh. Make some good food that he loves...or order in. Go through ypur marriage album or your early days of marriage and remember the good memories you both had.
    Start something new every day.... Like give him a hug before you both leave to office... Next day just surprize him with sweet love notes...
    These thingsay sound cheesy n you may think these are for girlfriend boyfriend or honeymiin stage couples....but these small gestures often rekindles the romance and brings freshness in the marriage.
     
  3. senoritaaa

    senoritaaa Bronze IL'ite

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    Please be more mature. Think well and bring the senses under control. I Am not blamimg or judjng you. your emotions are quite natural only, But allow your logical mind to take control of your senses and move on. Listen to some good message in Art of Living etc
     
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  4. ILUser07

    ILUser07 Silver IL'ite

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    I don't want to name your feeling towards him. All I can say is this will pass with time.
     
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  5. GeetaKashyap

    GeetaKashyap IL Hall of Fame

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    Mutual attraction and infatuation can happen at any age (it is natural) and they also mellow down or disappear with time. You may be guilty that he left because of you and so this yearning. Suppose you get to know that he left for better opportunities, your guilt/attraction will also disappear! Relax.
     
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  6. NeerjaC

    NeerjaC Silver IL'ite

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    One thing that may help you forget him is to think about what you have in your life right now. You say you are happily married, think about your husband, your children, the life that you have right now. Presumably, given the title of this post, you are trying to move on and forget about this guy.

    He was nice to you, he paid attention to you, he made you feel nice about yourself and that is great but at the end of the day, you are happily married, you have your own life and with time, you should be able to move on. It's hard but time heals everything.
     
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  7. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Maybe you feel guilty he left the job coz of you.
    He too seems immature to exit a good job over this.
     
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  8. daksh

    daksh Silver IL'ite

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    Pink2cute, you have put it in a nice and matured way, thanks a lot! Yes, it is the harmones, the feel good harmones that I was experiencing the past few months by the way he treated me and everything he did for me before and after he got to know that I am married. Because of him, others were being friendly and warm to me, I never felt like I am in a new place with new people.

    Now I have to make that extra effort to rekindle things between me and DH. Yes, we do love each other, but after two kids and the routine daily grind, we hardly have time for anything. Maybe this is a good thing to strengthen our relationship. Thanks for all your suggestions pinky2cute!
     
  9. daksh

    daksh Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks Senoritaa for your reply. As you mentioned, I am trying to be more rational and not emotional, and that is the reason why posted this thread asking for help.
     
  10. daksh

    daksh Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks ILUser07, hope this passes away soon and I move on and start focusing on my family and work again. I really want my peaceful life back. I cannot handle this internal conflict and guilt trip of liking someone being married, when I am supposed to be thinking only about my husband and kids.
     

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