Feel Like My Life Is Over

I am a strong believer of don't have a child if you don't want as I have witnessed many children's life being ruined n it's truly a painful life for the children. They don't deserve it, at all, including your resentment towards yours.

So it's better to not bring a child into this world if you don't want a baby rather than having it, ruining its life n unable to give the life a child deserves.

First, focus n decide on whether you want to stay in this marriage or not.
Second, how to fix or exit.
Till then don't think about another life. It's not fair to the child.
Think about what kinda life you can give the child n be sure that you won't be a bitter mother.

 

Hi OP,

When you are so unhappy and insecure in your marriage, how will you raise a healthy and happy child?
Being a mother is one of the toughest jobs as it calls for all your energy, love, wits, adjustments and sacrifices. An unhappy mother will find it too burdensome and its repercussions will be experienced by the entire family.

Before starting the family, please see how you can repair your marriage. Seek a counseller's help, if needed, in normalising your status in this marriage.

All the best.

 

@Mishkaa,

Your headlines "Feel like my life is over" is incorrect. I recommend the following for you to overcome the situation:

1) Happiness and pain are two sides of the same coin. Your being blessed with a child is the way life is telling you to be happy while you are deep down in the ditch of marital problems.

2) Always remember that your motivation in life is not affected by what others think about you including your own spouse. It is your attitude that makes the difference in your life.

3) I understand bringing a baby into a strained relationship is hard as you need to devote a lot of time and shower a lot of love to the child. Remember, it is his child too and his attitude might change on seeing the child.

4) Get involved in keeping yourself fit both mentally and physically and be prepared to receive the child gracefully. If required, equip yourself with more knowledge to be gainfully employed after the nursing period.

5) Discuss openly how you both need to have time together at this stage to bring your child into life and you need proper respect and attention from him in order to achieve that objective.

Your happiness is entirely in your hands. Please give a good try and I am sure you will succeed to lead a happy married life. My prayers are with you.

Viswa

 

OP,

Calm down..Be realistic. You know very well that your relationship is not working and you didn't want a baby. If so, why did not take precautions?. You brought an innocent life and now thinking about killing your own baby( it is not an easy thing on your body or mind, please don't repent it later). May be that baby is a blessing in disguise.

Bringing a baby into a strained relationship is not good. I agree with others. If you decide to continue in this marriage, then terminating it is not a wise decision.

Have you ever talked to your husband and let him know that you are unhappy in this marriage and plan to exit. Have you given him any ultimatum about stopping his words that hurt you. Have you considered any option to seek counseling and fix the marriage or for yourself. ( in USA employer with cover free sessions. Ask about EAP to your admins). Tell your husband whatever you wrote here in a composed and in a better positive way. He should feel the seriousness of the problem and how unhappy you are. May be he don't much idea how much worried you are. Let him know. Communication is the key. Don't keep everything in your mind and suffer alone.

Now you and your husband is in long distance relationship. So its natural to have these kind of ups and downs and lack of connection. It take time to get emotionally connect in an arranged marriage. You guys need to spend more time as couple. Both of you have to work on marriage. The most perfect marriage happen only in movies. Every one face one issue or other and fights too. How we deal with the situation makes the difference or success. I think you don't have much serious issue in marriage. The issue now can be fixed with mutual understanding. See his positives too. When we are negative, every thing appears negative. Be positive and count your blessings too.

So please gain some confidence and have a talk with your husband about all your concerns and also this pregnancy. Please don't punish you and your baby for this. May be this baby will change your husband attitude to this married life. May be he can move to your place or visit you often
So many ways to manage life career and job. Don't worry too much. If he utter any bad words, you can tell him baby is listening to you and be a good role model and treat babys mom with respect. Etc. If you continue in this marriage and terminate pregnancy without his knowledge, more issues can rise in future . So think really well.

Decide first whether you want to continue in this marriage or not. If you decide to divorce then you can take any decision. It is up to you. There is no perfect time. Life just happens. Please don't hide your pregnancy from him. Take care of yourself.

When we are upset or angry please don't take any decision. Give one or two weeks to calm down. Once you reach a neutral state think very well and decide what you want.

If you can sort these issues , I think this baby is going to give you a new beginning to your life. Wish you all the best

 

Yes like @Viswamitra and @DDream said Pls think about a new life wanting to live in u . If ur H is not emotionally available, What will that Lil soul do for that? I have seen many couples living happily after they have got a baby. So Pls think and proceed.

 

op,

A child is a gift! Its precious and deserves caring parents. Bringing up a child is hard work ,at times exhausting but so worth all the effort you put in and all the personal time you sacrifice. Having said that, I would recommend that if you want to proceed with your pregnancy, please makeup your mind to be the best parent you can. Your spouse may or may not do his part. But please make sure that you make the kid know that he /she is loved every single minute of the day. I too am of the belief its better not to have a child if you cannot own up to your responsibilities. My SIL works with special children coming from emotionally/physically abusive families and the stories she narrates are heart breaking. I would rather a child be not born at all than have it be born and be scarred for life.