Invite Discrepancy

I had something similar occur. I invited for dinner. Then when they are very late they text my husband what's going on but not me.
I was so angry I wanted to cancel the dinner. DH didn't allow as I had prepared the feast already. I wanted to just pack it and give it to them. I was tired they arrived after 8:30pm and on top of that they said the were not hungry and wanted to eat later when I was already starving! You see that would have been ok had they not been the ONLY guests you know? But mine wasn't a party. In your case, I guess they assumed you are husband and wife so they can just tell your DH and he will pass the info to you.
There's nothing really detailed about a function. You either go or not. But when they ask for help, that's detailed how can they send a text if it is something URGENT so they called you for that. I don't know if this makes sense to you. I understand your view, but it wouldn't bother me. Guess they are busy planning the party, who wants to talk on the phone to more than 50 people for a party invite when they have preparations to do....

 

Wow .. they are clear users .. or should I say users n throwers..

Can understand the situation after reading these posts.. the least she could have done is send you ladies one message, atleast a whatsapp msg.

I do send msgs out to the wives to invite esp if I know them personally. N they have tortured you people in the name of help n called a million times when they needed something but doesn't have the common courtesy to send one msg out to you ladies to invite. That sounds "not right". Anyone would be angry, you are not wrong about the way you feel.

I would use this opportunity to not go, n cut off or distance my ties with them. N absolutely zero help from now on. Mutual respect is important in a relationship or else we are just like doormats.

But goto give it to the lady about her skill set to juice so much in the name of help from you guys. She must be really good with her words, making someone carry 15kg of things for them (n if she didn't pay for the weight) n all is like wow. That's a skill to learn.

 

If I were you, I wouldn't go to the party and would also slowly cut off the help unless it's something critical like baby needed to be taken to the clinic in the middle of the night etc.

You are right, in the Indian context housewarming/baby naming is a big function. Once you have the feeling of using been used, it's difficult to go back to normal.

That said, another way to look at it is such things you pay forward. That is, most of us NRIs when we are new to a country, would've gotten some help from a benevolent senior. It might have been beyond our capacity to repay them, but we can always return the favor to a newbie, and forget about getting something back in return.

 

I just returned from India for a function in my family. And we were talking about this. My parents were the ones "inviting" most of them to the function, because the people who were actually conducting the function are here in the US, all the preps was being done by parents in India. Thankfully, all they had to do was send the invitation by whatsapp and we're talking about elders in the family here - 60+, 70+ old people. They had the capacity to call and personally invite some, but not all.... still no one expected and no one were expecting missed the function because there weren't personally invited. This really is how things work now and people have just adapted to it!

Frankly, I don't see what you're upset about!! In my friends circle, only one of us gets an invite to any party. I send to only one spouse because then that helps me get the accurate headcount. If both spouses respond each with the headcount, it sometimes gets confusing. Any invite my husband gets from our common friends is assumed that it is for the whole family. You seem to be the kind that looks too much at formality and all that... take a chill pill sometimes. Not all your friends/neighbors/acquaintances are devising ways to take help from you and then disrespect you.