No Intimacy

Given the details you have shared here, it is clear your issue is far more than an intimacy problem.
Your husband has clearly lost interest in you. Not sure whether he has lost interest in this life, in his marriage, in his family or just in you?

How he is otherwise? Has he a responsible dad? Responsible man?

Do you really love him? I mean, how can a woman love her husband who doesn't bother to care for her feelings?

 

He should have desire for intimacy from his side too.
If its not happening for 10 years i wonder if its even worth fighting.
Just forget about him.
Have some female close friends.

 

To bring his interest back, you must know the exact reason for his loss of interest in intimacy and other matters in your life.
This could be an underlying medical reason, hormone problem, psychological problem, low libido, stress etc
Or something like family problems. A constant trouble in his marriage life - such as MIL/DIL troubles etc; thus he lost interest in his marriage completely
Or may be he is interested in someone else

Find out the exact reason, and then see how best we can help you out here

 

I'd go with option 2 and i also agree with @SGBV 's ideas. why not ask him when he is in a calm mood ?

 

You are questioning him. Am not sure that is the right way. No one likes to be questioned. And to be pushed to do anything.

And with the details shared here, it will be difficult to say anything

Did he become disinterested after marriage? or after kids? or is he like that by nature etc etc

Have you been interested in listening? Because if someone wants to share their thoughts, there should be someone to listen, right? Besides, most men do not share thoughts so easily - I know, because I am one. And we all hate nagging - but to varying degrees. Some are less tolerant, some relatively more. And some are just indifferent. Few others become indifferent over a period of time

So I would feel that you should think, introspect, go over everything that happened in detail - or take a psychologist's help (or is it psychiatrist?)

 

It must be you who made him loos his interest on you. If you really want to be normal. I insist you to follow these.

1. You Shud change the way you are thinking.
2. You shud be the first one to compromise and talk and bring things to normal.
3. You shud concentrate on the way you look, go to gym work out . try to drop some weight. Eat just fresh vegetables during one meal. All these will help u to look better. Also get nice make up and sexy lingerie.
4. you shud take intiative and bring ur DH to ur direction.
5. obey him with in all ocassions. stand by him on all his decisions.
6. You need to boost him and bring the confidence in him. Ofcourse he is ur hubby. but he is ur first baby.
7. All time talk to him politely and please him in all maners.




You dont have to do the above 7 steps for the rest of your life. just bilindly do these with a happy smiley face for 6 months or so. So that your DH will be attracted to you and everything is normal. Once he is normal , you can trun around and make ur life beautiful


Final Note: Above trick works for me and most of my friends. Somehow attract your DH's by pleasing him. Once DH is in ur path, he will be ur slave.

 

i wish i never read older threads and especially this..too reggressive this thought and advice is ..omg

 

You tell there was no intimacy for the last 10 years. During this period, did you take any initiative to get intimate with DH and what was his response? Did you ever tell him frankly that you are longing for sex?

Please answer yourselves the following questions:

1. How much was he interested in sex till your kids were born?
2. Whether his/your libido was normal during those years? Whether it was equally matched by you/him?
3. What was the quality and quantity of intimacy in the past?
4. Did he/you have any fetishes/fantasies in sex? How was it viewed by you/him? Whether you/he tried to fulfill those fetishes/fantasies?
5. Whether you or he at any time expressed dissatisfaction in sex or criticized/complained/fought over sexual issues?
6. Did you refuse sex for long after your second kid was born, probably in a harsh manner?

Also, do a thorough introspection of his/your expectations and how you/he fulfilled/responded to them during the initial few years of your marriage.

I feel, because

• you blocked his advances on bed often or
• he thought you are too demanding on bed or
• you derided his sexual fantasies or
• you were not receptive to his feelings/opinions in some family matters or
• you were harsh/aggressive/confronting in some issues with him/his family in the past ,

he may be trying to avoid such situations and maintain distance from you physically and emotionally.

If the answers to all the above queries are in your favour, then I feel he may not be doing it deliberately. Since, your second kid was born before 10 years, I think your DH must be in his forties now. So, he may be going through some mental / physical stress due to office work or some family problems leading to hormonal imbalances which would have made him think sex is not that much important now.

I think a honest self analysis and an open talk by you promising your support to him to solve his issues will lead you to a solution which will bring back the spring in your life.

Good luck and all the best.