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Depressed Because Of “affairs “..

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by anika987, May 23, 2018.

  1. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    wait wait..not me ha ha..my friend.
    Just headed the title to grab attention to the thread.sorry:)


    Long time back I had posted about my friend who got into mutliple affairs coz of her failed marriage etc.I kept telling her how wrong she was but I was advised to not interfere.

    Recently when I spoke to my friend,she is depressed.She went hysterical crying and I could not help but feel bad for her.She admits how wrong she was and all the men treated her very badly after they lost interest on her.I expected this but it was too late.

    Anyways..now she is a changed person and quit her bad ways.She is devoted to her son,and is just into her family/friends,concentrated on her job etc but she feels so numb.

    Point is she feels she cannot respect herself anymore and feels ugly.infact she was talking about converting to Christianity for “paava mannipu”

    My friend did something way out of character.yes,she was wrong but basically a very nice person who thinks good for others and is helpful.I understand she made mistakes and trying my best to be there for her.after all she is one of the very few friends I got and she means a lot to me.

    Mistake is done but she has changed her ways completely.She keeps lamenting on getting back her self respect.i feel bad for her and want her to be he happy person she was before.

    How can I help her gain back self confidence,respect and most of all forgive herself?
     
    Last edited: May 23, 2018
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  2. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    Haha

    Mistakes are part of life. One mistake doesn't have to define our whole life ahead.

    It's good that she feels so strongly about it n feels this deep. Because this will make her come out of it as a lot more stronger person when she does.

    You can suggest counselling. It might really help when she's this down.

    Ask her to plan for travel with her son / family. It will help as well.

    She needs to keep herself busy with hobby, volunteer work, or anything. N she can pick something which she can do with her son as well.

    She first needs to keep herself busy. Then she needs to start believing that those guys are just not worth her time n energy. Instead she can use that time n energy positively for her n her family / friends, people who matter.

    If the guys she had affairs with are from her work place, she can start looking for a new job. Even that change might be good.

    Say, what she's doing now is similar to what she did before. Earlier she was obsessed with having affairs, now she's obsessed with regretting it. It's a pattern. It's like a need to obsess over something n it's about herself. Say you didn't listen to me then, even now you are choosing to do the same. You only want to be one sided. For a change, open your mind.

    A heartfelt regret is good enough, obsession over anything beyond that affects yourself n your life n your loved ones, which is not good.

    Let her feel sorry n cry over it as much as possible but ask her to give herself a timeline to stop this self pity, maybe set a date. Till then tell her to cry every day till she's sick of crying, write about all evil things about herself n her negative feelings on a piece of paper n burn / tear it. Once she runs out of all the bad things, ask her to write good things about her n stick it some place she can see everyday n read it n believe it. N tell her that it's important for her to get her act together for her son now.

    She's really lucky to have a friend like you who truly cares, helping someone in this situation is similar to mothering, it has to be a mix of gentle love n tough love.
     
    anika987, SunPa, messedup and 2 others like this.
  3. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks dear..

    I like her becoz she is one of the very few people with whom I can totally be myself.She helped me out a little but financially during college days..know her for many many years.practically family.
     
  4. Tanuinusa

    Tanuinusa New IL'ite

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    It depends. I think not all men are bad. I have known of women having affairs and yes men abuse and some men do respect women.
    I just hope your friend concentrates on her life. Good luck to her
     
    anika987 likes this.
  5. peace3

    peace3 Senior IL'ite

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    anika987 likes this.

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