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Mother And Mother-in-law

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by jayasala42, May 13, 2018.

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  1. May 20, 2018 #21
    satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Nice write-up JS Ma'am. MIL, murder-in-law, Woman Hitler!!! What leads a woman from the dil to this pedestal? I agree with Viswa when he says that

    No doubt, it would be wonderful to have a healthy relationship between mil and dil, but the one angle which never gets mentioned in our society is the son-in-law's relationship with his pil. Since there are no such expectations of him, there is never any issue on that front.

    The pil (on both sides) have a rich experience. In fact, when the parents of the woman are older than the parents of the man, they have more experience. The insistence on the man's parents having a say in any and all circumstance and the parents of the woman being pushed aside after the wedding ceremony leads to a lot of resentment on the part of the dil. When ego and hurt comes into the pic, the mind would hardly be open to accepting any kind of shared wisdom.

    When men's parents stop feeling entitled merely on grounds of having an offspring with a Y chromosome, hopefully, our society and attitudes will change.

    It will be wonderful when marriages in India are true 'marriages of souls' rather than a contract and 'sambandhis' are truly connected by bonds of love, respect and affection. When yours and mine truly become ours.
     
    satchitananda, May 20, 2018
    satchitananda, May 20, 2018
    #21
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  2. May 21, 2018 #22
    PushpavalliSrinivasan

    PushpavalliSrinivasan IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Jaya,
    As Mr Viswa has said nowadays both the couples' parents prefer to live on their own. This helps in avoiding misunderstanding and reading in between the lines of even normal talk. Better to meet for short vacation and make it enjoyable as far as possible.
    PS
     
    PushpavalliSrinivasan, May 21, 2018
    PushpavalliSrinivasan, May 21, 2018
    #22
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  3. May 21, 2018 #23
    jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    Yes madam, Ego is the main cause of all the problems.It is often said" I may even forgive but not forget'.The stt itself is born out of ego.
    Keeping a distance seems to be a good option and gradually the relationship would come to 'nil'.

    jayasala 42
     
    jayasala42, May 21, 2018
    jayasala42, May 21, 2018
    #23
    sindmani and messedup like this.
  4. May 21, 2018 #24
    jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    பெண் பார்க்கும் படலம் was the hot topic and theme of many short stories in those days.
    Now with so much of skype ,whatsapp messages,'girl seening is no longer a thrill. It is just a formality
    Jayasala 42
     
    jayasala42, May 21, 2018
    jayasala42, May 21, 2018
    #24
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  5. May 21, 2018 #25
    jayasala42

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    I don't know why. the term in-laws ,in Indian dictionary refer only to boy's parents only.
    As you envisage , marriage is no longer a thing of contract between two families;sadly enough it is neither a contract betwwen two souls.Many marriages break soon before the festoons fade.On many occasions during honey moon the couples plan to disintegrate.Let the couples understand the postives and negatives of the other partner fully before tying the knot.

    Jayasala 42
     
    jayasala42, May 21, 2018
    jayasala42, May 21, 2018
    #25
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  6. May 21, 2018 #26
    jayasala42

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    Dear Pushpa, in many of the families this is what we follow.When misunderstanding is preconceived and prejudiced,no force on earth is capable of patching.We are born as individuals and we can leave as individuals.
    Jayasala 42
     
    jayasala42, May 21, 2018
    jayasala42, May 21, 2018
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  7. May 21, 2018 #27
    jayasala42

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    Dear viswa,Thank you for the response.As children grow bigger, frequency of visits narrows down.Normally girls would like to spend more time with her parents, though grand children might have their options.Only when the grand parents are below 70 and are healthy enough to prepare varieties of dishes for her grandkids, they look for the arrival of grandchildren.As time passes and health deteriorates,the same parents
    who were longing to see the grandkids are not so enthusiastic about welcoming
    them.Children are also not very particular to spend time with grandparents.Parents request the sons and daughters to come alone to see them.That is the reality these days.

    jayasala 42
     
    jayasala42, May 21, 2018
    jayasala42, May 21, 2018
    #27
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  8. May 30, 2018 #28
    Thyagarajan

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    :hello:@sindmani @messedup
    Thanks for pressing LIKE option.
    Godspeed shall be granted by God in our earnest endeavours.
     
    Thyagarajan, May 30, 2018
    Thyagarajan, May 30, 2018
    #28
  9. May 30, 2018 #29
    satchitananda

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    Anything rammed down the throat leads to resistance and resentment. Trying to tell women, your mil is like your mother (no she is not, she is not even vaguely like her) and you must love, respect her and look after her will make her resent the mil. A mil, to start with, is nothing more than yet another elderly lady and the husband's mother. Full stop. If they are allowed to just bond from a distance, while living separately, and if she treats her dil like she would treat any other strange woman her age, without trying to order her about, to remould her to 'fit into our house' or overwhelm her, it is more likely that a good relationship might develop and they might feel more 'like' mother and daughter.
     
    Last edited: May 30, 2018
    satchitananda, May 30, 2018
    satchitananda, May 30, 2018
    #29
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  10. May 30, 2018 #30
    sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    True .
    This will be a step for a great bond. I wish this become a true in all our cases now
     
    sindmani, May 30, 2018
    sindmani, May 30, 2018
    #30
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