Do I Have Too High Expectations?

I think here u r talking about friends with whom u want to hav contact but they r not taking those efforts of minimal communication. I think we all hav such friends. Generally only 2-3 are ur true close friends with whom u can literally talk any aspect of life at any time of day n from both sides u hav such a great bond which is unaffected at any circumstances
From all other friends u just have general bond. If u truly love n care for d person u simply do all beautiful things to nurture that relation.n u accept that person with all its good n bad qualities gracefully.

 

Hi Megha,

This is a common problem I guess. I have the same issue, I gave it a lot of thought and understand that people will give you their time and effort if they feel some kind of closeness with you. I have a cousin who is close to me and is the only person close to me in the whole extended family. I had thd chance to help her when she had a tough time and now we have become close.
You are not expecting too much, if someone does not return your calls/texts, talks behind your back, don't make an effort to meet up with you, it simply means they don't feel close to you or have other priorities. Sometimes, we following up with them even if they don't also helps create a bond. But ensure that you do it only for people you consider genuine.
All the best.

 

@Meghaa,
There 3 kinds of people.

Firstly, the kind who has negativity and scorn towards everyone around them. This kind will not change with no amount of goodwill towards them. They will continue to talk bad about people they come across. Every one has their share of such relatives and friends. Deal with them strictly on need basis like you need to invite them for some occasion or you meet them in some social occasions etc

Second kind is the one who gets close to you only when they need help. Like they are coming to US and need help, they will call you, send messages and moment they are done taking help, they will behave as though you don’t exist. Such people unfortunately are in great number in current generation.

Third kind ,the minority one, has same values as you. They Talk straight forward but do not bitch behind your back. They value your relationship as much as you do. Such kind you can count may be in one hand among your circle of friends and relatives as they are rare. But they are valuable. So thrive to keep such company alive and if you hurt them, mend and correct. Apologize when you are wrong and They will reciprocate too when they are wrong.

Human mind unfortunately tries to remember the bad memories associated with first and second kind. Being busy is the only way to get over the hurt.

 

I assume u are talking about family and not friends.
No u don't have high expectations..it's absolutely normal to long for love and affection and concern of immediate and extended family members..
In case of friends it s also a fact that certain friendships last a long long time while many either away pretty soon..
And you are right relationship is a two way street,,..if one person alone does all the communication and the other person doesn't reapond well, it gets mentally exhausting to maintain such a relation.

 

Yes I have been here. The last person I was talking to was my eldest sis in law and now she decided to side with the family when she knows all the damage caused to my marriage because of them. Even when she herself has admitted I was suffering all the while she thought I was happy.

Your missing them will pass. For me this was not the first time I was estranged. I never cut contact with them the first time, I was given 5 different reasons over the years (read my posts) not even my husband knows the true reason = fabricated reasons.

Keep your distance, with family that start problems in your marriage family like that, who needs enemies...?
Your husband may not like it but remain firm in your decision. Eventually they will show their true colors and your husband will see them for what they are even if they do make him feel ashamed of them for treating his wife so poorly.

For me it finally happened in 2017 (we were married in 2012) my elder sis in law did not call us for our marriage anniversary when she always did every year---then everyone suddenly "forgot" to call him---my husband was so hurt and angry as they didn't even call him who pays for all their frivolous asks $$$$$$$$$$$$$.
So now since she behaved that way, and his family at last treated him like poo poo in a way that he could not make excuses for or ignore---anyway she cut herself out of my life an I accept it. I felt it would happened as she is the outcast in her family and she wants acceptance even if it's not sincere.

My sis in law tried making excuses to my husband and for the first time EVER my husband supported me. He didn't believe her blaming her absence on sudden problems. I sent a message in the first week of November and she conveniently responds via WhatsApp in March....it takes seconds to reply to a message lol and she was always prompt too.
When I saw weeks went by with no response and I witnessed she changed her profile photo 3 times I knew then that her absence was on purpose. So my husband told me to delete WhatsApp on 3 separate times---something I never wanted on my phone in the first place! I was so relieved.
I was so tired of their BS games, and the inability to tell the truth because they know they behaved in a manner that was unwarranted and very childish. She had no comeback when my husband confronted her about it. "What was the point of you having that conversation that day if you were going to treat (*my name*) like this, don't be surprised if she never talks to you again." Her response "Oh no, please explain to her..." I didn't even want to hear the rest my husband was about to tell me. It's all fluff anyway.
My husband still hurts about it, but that part doesn't bother me, I was hurt for years and I was without his support. No woman should have to wait 5 yrs to finally get support for injustice against her by her in-laws. The rest of his family did far worse and he NEVER spoke to them the way he spoke to his eldest sister who was the one who hurt me the least. Isn't that amazing? The rest owe him money so I suspect that is the reason he isn't firm with them. The mentality is "If I am nice to them they will pay my father and myself back" Riiiiight it's been since 2011 and his sister (2nd) eldest and her husband still have not paid back anything. They are expert $$$$$ sucking leeches...

 

@Meghaa distance adds stress in relationship. Long distance relationship needs lot of work from both side. Especially for NRI people I think it is us who will miss them. People who are living in India have too many things going on. They neither have time nor energy to think about people living several miles away. Almost all our trips back home is constrained so it is hard to re-connect. We feel dis-connected and after some years there is nothing to discuss . I think the relationships dies slowly. We cannot blame either party. Diversion is the best medicine.