Who Should Be Buying Gifts Me Or Mil Or Both ?

I personally don't think there is anything wrong with you buying things for you MIL. She asked for specific items and you purchased them. It seems nice. She might not see them as gifts, just normal purchase she'S not able to make in India. If there is something that you would like her to get for you, maybe you can suggest that she gets you something (like you want a saree or matching bangles or sweets).

You do have the right to your husband's money, but he also has the right to buy gold for his mom if he wants to. His purchases don't seem excessive, so I wouldn't be too bothered about your children's futures. If you feel like it is cutting into your investments and basic family livelihood- then you could work the finances together. This will keep you in the loop of where money is going and will keep your husband accountable.

 

Nope, no right over husband's money. He can do whatever with his money. The only thing you can do to mitigate or help this situation is to make your own money by working & saving for future. Unlike what we say in wedding wows, we don’t own our spouses or their money. If he works to earn it, he has right to spend however he wants to.

 

Forget her behaviour. Does hubby buy you things? Make you feel special? Regardless of working or not working, youre his wife, any money he makes is for both of you ( different people will say different things). Alot of feminists or modern women think women have no right over a mans money and should earn their own but that’s what fails women further down the line. A man should spend on his wife as his first responsibility is her. But you also have a right over that money ( that he earns whilst being married to you) When you get married it’s part of the package/joint agreement).I don’t think you’re greedy and would take advantage of it like some people do. But you do things for him right? Cook clean etc so yeah you do hAve a right. Being a housewife is hard work ( I’m not sure what your situation is). I assume you’ve agreed to stay at home right as part of your marriage. Anytime he gives you money save some for yourself.

With inlaws I believe if they’re needy then you should help them out...but not for their extravagances.

Does you mil have anyone who can provide for her? Husband? Are they both old? Let him give her gold as a one of/special present ( tell ur husband it’s from both of you) but don’t make it a regular thing because u need to think about your future. Yeah u may get a job in the future but certain things in life doesn’t make a job always guaranteed. You and your husband may decide it’s better for you to stay at home and look after the kids.

Spend on yourself too. Dont be stingy when it comes to getting things for yourself, your husband, your house. It’s your money too. It shouldn’t be that your living the life of a pauper abroad, making do without certain things and your relatives in india are living a rich life on your income. Sometimes when you give relatives too much they expect it without fail. That can be hard when say for example you can’t send as much because you have a baby on the way or hubby doesn’t earn as much anymore?

Ideally it’s best if gifts are given each way. But what if she doesn’t have the money to give it you or thinks her son provides for you so that’s enough. It would be kind of her to give gifts to you. But do what I say never expect anything from anyone so youre never disappointed. However, your mil may not have gotten gifts from her MIL so she maybe following that pattern. Some people also show their love and kindness in other ways for example by their words and actions rather than gift giving. Does she do that?

 

It’s not wrong if your husband gives her..but does she has other source of income or does she depend on her son..
I also feel if she does not trouble u in any other stuff n does not interfere inur life I think it’s good to give her..
Don’t even think of mil giving gifts it’s waste of time n going nuts ..they will never give or think ..just leave it..someone says tell them u don’t need it so it’s sll good ...

 

IMO, its good to see she has rapport with you to share list of items she want .Rather than most of the MIL's who just make faces and feel bad that their DS/DIL are not gifting , she is far better .

Also regarding spending money on gifts is an individual choice unless its hampering your lifestyle .I will not say you are wrong in expecting gifts from her however as long as you and your DH are in a state to afford what you want ,guess it should not matter about her gifting culture .

There are lot of sacrifices parents make in raising kids .They take education loans, buy everything a kid wants and needs so i guess when a person is a position to gift something to parents back we should not oppose .

 

Your husband has first right on his income . And nothing wrong to gift his mom. Actually I don't like anyone who explicitly asks for gifts , gifts should be given out of choice . But if he is ok there's not much you can do .

A wife doesn't have absolute right on her husband's income . However she has right to interfere if he is being very irresponsible with money , like not saving for future , taking lots of debts .If it's some serious matter like this then wife has right to object as a life partner and mother if his kids. Otherwise he has freedom on his income .

Imagine yourself in his place , if you were working wouldn't you like to gift gold to your mom , for all the sacrifices she made and also how much they must have spent for your education your marriage a little bit gold is nothing compared to that .

Other factor is are you dependent by choice / circumstances or your husband doesn't want you to work . If he is the one who asked you to quit job to stay at home to look after house and kids , in that case you have absolutely equal right over every financial decision .my suggestion would be try and become independent financially then you don't have to worry about these things .