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Anxiety Issues

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Sweety2016, Apr 12, 2018.

  1. Trustcarelove

    Trustcarelove Silver IL'ite

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    Hey I would really suggest you to go for any basic yoga classes and there are so many apps and youtube videos for mindful living, practice mindfulness, eat healthy, get a good sleep..all these put together will definitely help to some extent.
     
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  2. Sweety2016

    Sweety2016 Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks Deborah...No I would never take it wrong way because when you put it in words, i can make sense out of it. Its so true that am controlling. i want everything my way but when it doesnt happen i start getting angry and frustrated. I will definitely go through that thing about personality. No I dont want the picture to be done..it was just peer pressure seeing some random fb posts..I just want to shout it out to myself to concentrate on ME..rather than all these trivial stuffs.
    So true Deborah..When i was single this anxiety was under a rug. I used to do what i wanted and my parents were and still are there for me to cry it out. But the most important parameter i had was time. Time to compose myself, heal myself till i come back stronger. but now its a routine...strict routine infact due to baby. I am just wondering why some men are this way? H would happily feed biscuits to the baby if she is hungry instead of moving his *** and cooking something.
     
  3. Sweety2016

    Sweety2016 Gold IL'ite

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    Oh DDream thank you so much for that wonderful reply. Many a times your posts in my threads have made me smile. thank you for that... I think i ll visit my doc for a general check up.
    As you said, marriage and a baby has forced me out of my comfort zone. Earlier I used to live alone in my apartment as I wish but now I have commitments, duty and responsibilities. That is making me cranky when H doesnt behave like a equal partner. But sometimes I do remember a golden advice given by rihana. When men do tasks expected out of them like taking a driver's role, lifting heavy luggages etc without any noise, why should we keep cribbing about what they dont do? So when in good mood, i just ignore his attitude completely.
    Now i have reached a stage, where i keep wondering what i really like to do.My school is reputed for its academic excellence where we were groomed like a broiler chicken just for one single purpose of getting into a tier-1 engg or medical college. No extra curricular or co curricular activites whatsoever. Whoever pursued were ridiculed and reprimanded for neglecting studies. I was that timid middle class one who cant stand up against neither my parents nor teachers. So followed the flock. Though i feel embarrased, i need to document this. I dont have any hobbies, interests to pursue..People keep talking about passion always but i dont have one..Am i the strange one? Though i would love to i dont have any friends so no hanging out. I just live, love my dear ones, love my job, eat and pray whenever i feel like.
     
  4. Sweety2016

    Sweety2016 Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you lavani. I ll try reading through this book. I am married for 4 years now. This yoga thing is what I wanted to try as a last resort. there is a yoga studio near my home and I just need to squeeze in some time to attend the classes. I am already feeling nervous. I feel completely alienated from people. Its long since i had any meaningful conversation with a friend like person apart from my H, parents and sister. I did have a close friend and call sometimes. we still have beautiful memories to talk about but she just cant understand and relate with my present self just like my parents. All of these people who have seen me from childhood, the sacrificing, emotional, caring to the extent of putting her needs at the last, loving girl just get astonished when i talk to them about my needs and current state of mind. I really want to grow out of my family..Meet new people, Make friends for life with whom I can establish a deep connection and talk without inhibitions. That will cure my anxiety. I know the problem as well as the solution but just dont know how i would arrive at my solution..
     
  5. Sweety2016

    Sweety2016 Gold IL'ite

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    Dear raisin,

    I think we are similar on many grounds except the employment part and I really empathize with you as I know how difficult and monotonous it would be to stay at home and take care of baby 24 x 7. The painful part is the H having a social life whereas we are sitting at home tending to the needs of our children. I get irritated and had to be on constant vigil with my active toddler. End result I dont even go for walking fearing her running away from me in the road. By the time H reaches it 9.00 PM and where the hell can i go..gym, yoga , shops everything is already shut then. Family easily suggests you have a adorable daughter, talk with her, play with her, be a responsible mother..It does makes me happy but doesnt rejuvenate me..I want my daughter to see a positive confident woman more than a complaining exhausted mother..I pray to god that her life is more colourful and cheerful unlike mine..
    Planning to join yoga studio in the morning slot. And one suggestion I can give about movies is watch some really good ones that can give you a soulful experience and from my personal experience hollywood is my stress buster. Recently I watched interstellar, theory of everything, a beautiful mind, inception, la la land, blue valentine again and felt better. I keep listening to the soundtrack again and again to relieve myself. So you should also be having some movies close to heart that is inspirational..try watching that..Earlier I loved walk to remember, fault in stars, notebook etc now I avoid them completely as it makes me emotional..Dont be stoical, talk it out...If there is no one for you share it here in IL you will feel better just like how you made me feel better when I was crying alone. This is what i love about IL..Love you Indus ladies:)
     
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  6. Deborah

    Deborah Gold IL'ite

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    I can totally relate to what you are saying.This lop -sidedness in the relationship makes things worse. Although I try to be on top of all things -cooking,cleaning the house,taking care of the kid, the spouse on the contrary is slacking and finds such chores futile.Also ,he can't do anything correctly aka my way .But to be honest,I have also seen relationships with men always running about getting things done and wives slacking .So this is a very individualistic thing. My own sister is totally different than me.Her life style looks all haphazard to me,all chaos.We always clash when together. No routine,no pattern of doing things (according to me).But whatever she is doing,how so ever she is living ,it is working out very well for her.When it comes to marriage,it is all kismet. We can't predict how our spouse is going to be ,at least not in the Indian marriages.So its all compromise and letting go of small issues,otherwise life would become too labored. Try waking up early in the morning ,say 5 am (I know this is tough and I still can't do it ).Enjoy that peaceful time having your chai ,sorting out your thoughts and planning the day ahead. Or going to bed later than everyone else if you are not a morning person.I can't tell you what else to do,I am sailing in the same boat.
     
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  7. priyasri15

    priyasri15 Senior IL'ite

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    hi, try going for running. i was similar to you and as i started going for walks initially, i felt a bit better. Later i began the habit of running and participating in 5k, 10k and it really helped to melt down my anxiety.
     
  8. raisin

    raisin Bronze IL'ite

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    I don't want to babble here. But I did conquer my anxiety with self help. My husband wasn't being emotionally and psychologically helpful. He did the chores. But recently when I said something like I could have gone mad, he responded saying hadn't you gone mad by the way. It gave me a jolt. If he said that what in real did he perceive? Why do I care? I realised I had lost all respect for my husband then. I'm not angry or frustrated. I simply don't care much. And I decided I am going to be strong for myself. There are still many issues because I have lots of shortcomings including not being to work, drive and a few others. Yet, I respect myself for coming up with little help. There was no change in my life other than my little one growing out of her naughtiness and me gaining some strength.
    Living here in the US, it's worse. There's no support. And that's when you realise each other's shortcomings. My husband wants to work, watch TV and buy groceries since I couldn't drive. I do 90% of the chores and it weighs me down. I look grumpy and irritated by the end of the day. Again the next morning I'm back in to action. If I complain of aches, my husband walks out on me not paying attention, as if I'm lying. He might be feeling I'm good for nothing. I have stopped worrying on that too. If I'm not well, I sneak into bed. If I feel tired, I'm tired and I take rest. I am taking charge og situations that way. Oh yeah, I have these privileges because I don't work!
     

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