Anxiety Issues

Hi Sweety2016,

First of all relax.Just don't think that you have anxiety issues..this will add to ur problem.feel calm.you say u r a scientist..you will have lot of things to research and learn..focus ur mind on that.dont be idle..engage urself in some activities.Have many friends..spk to ur cousins,relatives...old friends..you will be having watsapp group I guess..just be active on that..and most of all u have ur daughter..play and spk with you daughter..enjoy her growing up..be romantic with your husband..yes we do shout and create fights for silly issues but you should not hang up with it..go for a long walk..take some break..Do things which you love like cooking,ur hobbies etc..you can definitely over come this. Try doing some yogasanas on daily basis with correct breathing techniques..you have shilpa Shetty body workout in youtube..it is really awesome..try doing that.you will definitely feel the change.

 

OP,

You are not alone. I am an MBA in anxiety. I am a great worrier as well. I had a severe episode of anxiety when I shifted from where I lived and was forced to live with a very naughty kid with very lil help in hand. I had to do all my chores and take care of my baby while I lacked the support from my husband (a workaholic). He failed to understand the burden on me and was irritated and annoyed when I tried to express my feelings. I lacked rest, lost appetite and sleep, and had poor energy levels to take care of my kid. To my dismay, I couldn't even take bath for days together as my toddler did not nap. My physician sent me to a counselor as she realized it was stress and nothing else that effected me. By then, I went in to a state where I would feel like fainting and found myself lying down in the bed, abnormally sleepy. I would beg my husband to come home early from work which he never did.

The counselor diagnosed me with nothing. Of course, I was anxious but it was not a disorder but situational. I did not find any remedy until we sent my kid to longer time day care and I began to get out and enjoy some freedom. I am still a big worrier. I have anxiety and I keep it in check.

The best weapon for worry and anxiety is distraction. When you feel bowed down, grab the phone and talk to an easy going friend/relative, watch a funny movie, or get out of the house and walk. Get plenty of early morning sun, check your vitamin B levels and follow one passion of yours. Finding a meaningful activity which you love is helpful. If your work is too much with family life, you might want to take a break. Concentrate on your daughter and that would make you feel more in control. Crying is fine. It is not unnatural.

Well, all that from experience,.

 

A scientist should have an open mind. Science is something which makes one develop an open mind. Let me tell you surely you alone cannot help yourself; none of the self help books can help you.

Real depression with anxiety features needs professional help from a professional psychiatrist. That is what I reiterate, you read the first post of the following thread:


No. Depression can't simply be willed away.

 

Okay.

 

@Sweety2016 - yes, this is anxiety plus controlling issues. Please don't take it the wrong way when I say controlling. Controlling doesn't just mean to have control over people, but also situations and future . Have you read about different types of personalities? This is characteristic type A personality. Over - achiever in everything they do but like everything in control .I am a bit like that too. I like to have things, situations and other's reaction like the way I would like. But things always don't turn out that way. So I started letting go. Or atleast I try . And I have observed that life ( though still chaotic to my standard) becomes a bit smoother.I have let go of making my H do a few things which irked me . He may or may not do them but I stopped letting it get the better of me.I am still working on it. Sometimes I lose my Sh*t but it's getting better with time. Also, you have to accept the fact that we can't make others do anything. If you want that picture in that frame, go get it done.
When ever you get anxious , try to imagine what could be the worst that can happen to you because of that. Your little one gets sick, the worst is you will have to take a few days off work ( may be unpaid). Husband doesn't brush, he will have to see a dentist soon. Getting late from work, no time to cook,worst could be getting a take out. Didn't do laundry today , worst could be wearing an old dress for a day.
Try these tips for a few days. I realized that till the time I was single , my anxiety was restricted till work place but at home parents did everything like the way I wanted ( which isn't good either but they know my quirks since the time they gave me birth) but later everything my H did/did not do would make me anxious. It got worse as responsibilities (aka a kid) increased . And my H is a total opposite.He wouldn't understand when I tried to convey my fears / worries. I was the only one getting worried to my death. So one day, I just gave up on over - thinking / worrying. Jo hoga dekha jaega . Life isn't always black and white .Next time , you get all worked up , breathe -Inhale , exhale a couple times and then do what you can about it , rest - just let go .

 

OP,

Your issue can be due to physical, mental stress plus personality type.

Physical aspects- The life after marriage with kid, job etc is going to be very stressful for anyone. Are you physically ok. Your tiredness, irritation and anger can be linked to health issues too. so consult a physician. Then request for blood test for anemia, Vitamin D, thyroid etc. If there is any problem , take medicine and fix it. This will make sure that your physical tiredness is not adding up and elevating your issue. When we are physically tired, we get stressed, irritated very easily. If this not an issue focus on the following aspects

Mental/emotional aspects - Only a professional can tell you whether you are depressed or not. But its good that you identify that you have a problem. To me it look like you can fix this problem. At least try . How many hours you spend for you ? You said you are good professionally, then why you have issues only at home. May be you are stressed too much. You need to relax. Try to spend some time everyday for you to rewind. Do whatever makes you happy and relaxed. Try to meditate/ do pranama etc, yoga, listen to music or watch comedy or anything you like everyday. You need 'Me time' after full day of work. Also try to spend sometime with your dh. Atleast 'touch/hug' him everyday. Communicate well.

Next, accept that you cannot change the past. Its done. Now focus on what can be done in future. You need to relax when you get those anxiety issues. When you get perturbed try to take a deep breath, inhale and exhale with a smile on your face. Do it many times. Tell yourself you are getting relaxed you are ok , you will let it go.. etc. Instead of thinking about 'I' all the time, think about 'you' the person (for example you husband) and try to talk in respectful and polite way instead of acting as a critic. First fix your issues instead on focusing on others. No one is perfect.

You have to realize that nothing is going to happen to this world if we are not here - life will go on. Life is too short to worry about small things. Try to enjoy each moment. You need to understand it is OK to let it go. You cannot expect that others will accept or follow our decision all the time. Look like you are a person of comfort zone. When something goes out of your way, you get perturbed. Dear, relax, try to enjoy positives of everything and take it easy. Worry about something you can control instead of fixing issue where you dont have any control of . You cannot change others all the time, so change your response. If the system is not working for you, change it if cannot do anything dont complain. If you wnat something do it why are you expecting others to do it for you. I feel that you need to realize this specialty of yours and accept your imperfections and keep moving with positive attitude. I agree with @Deborah reply. It agrees with my thinking also.

Personality - Read this link ( enneagram- Type Descriptions). I think you are type 1 (me too). You want to do everything in your own way. The way you think its right. You get anxious/irritated when it is away your ideal situation. So far your were successful especially before marriage because you were dealing with yourself, your marks, success, career . But after marriage, your husband kid,etc.. entered in your life with totally different personalities. In addition to this there is physical stress and strain. You can do everything perfect in you work place not at your home. So you are finding it difficult to controll every thing in the way you wanted. These are my thoughts. Have a self introspection. The imperfection and unpredictability makes life challenging an beautiful. If everything is ideal in this world will it be too boring.. So work on yourself. You can do it. Be cool. Relax, Take it easy, Let it go etc...It take time...have some patience
Good luck.

 

I am very sorry to hear that. I have not experienced such a condition in my life. but i have a rakhi brother who is my neighbour. he is going through this with his wife. he visits my home when my h is there sometimes. sometimes breaks down when his wife fights for really stupid reasons.

there is a book called Inner mattrix. he recommended, i started reading that. it is good which helps us analyse our emotions.

The Inner Matrix: A Guide to Transforming Your Life and Awakening Your Spirit: Joey Klein: 9781452591773: Amazon.com: Books

i am not sure how many years you are married.

this is what my neigbhor told us this weekend. initially at fights will feel normal and you keep wondering why. but after 10 -12 years of marriage, when you retrospect your past, you wont remember facts. you will only remember the memories and emotions of your life. he said, after years fights wont matter at all, there will be a point, when you will just want to leave everything and live alone.

i do not know about your H, but i would request you to please do not fight. those negative feelings we women have ( not all ) do not matter after a some time but if it results in a fight it create a big scar.

if it was happy silly memory that will only matter.

not brushing or forgot to do home work nothing matters.

this sounds quite deep but when i think of my marriage, it makes sense. it has been a fulfilling so far.

you are very right. counselling is a money making business. i can say only , if you spend 1 hr apart from work in yourself like a group yoga, meditation . every day.

 

Sweety2016,

I hear you. I have had this concentration issue after childbirth and a lot of health issues and stressful situations in my family. I couldn't read a few pages together without my mind racing. But as that phase passed (and me watching it helplessly) things improved. I still am overwhelmed with life situations. I miss a close buddy. I miss employment and financial freedom. I miss talking. I miss out a lot of things. I miss my freedom. But I am still keeping myself in my control. I try to read and exercise. Both make me happy.

I do have restless days and my husband cannot relate to it. He has a social world and he can watch movies when he chooses to. How? Because I am there sitting with my daughter and gaining weight with no grey cell activity whatsoever. I am stoical about it now. It is my destiny and I am ok with it.

Anxiety is the worry of future. Don't be anxious about counseling. It is indeed a business and people are there to make money. But I am sure you will get guidance and constructive ideas and you may not need more than a few sessions. You need to work on those ideas.

Why don't you join for some classes? They make a lot of difference.