Mom And Dad Marriage

Growing up, we were a close-knit family. We went through financial struggles due to my dad's ignorances. He'd simply believes in people based on their talks and would lose money. Even with all these, we had the best childhood we could ever ask for. For a few short months, my mom had to do physical labor for food while dad enjoyed just sitting at home (we are coming from a rich family in the area and only our family became poor among all the relatives). After I got job, I started supporting my family and now my brother is supporting. Now, my mom owns a small business through which she is earning money.

I got married without any expenses for my parents. After marriage also, i've been supporting parents. My main problem is, my dad doesn't respect mom and doesn't even talk to my mom properly. He become so comfortable sitting at home that he expects more money from my sibling. He has his own circle of friends and he was enjoying his bachelor life to the fullest when my mom visited me in US by inviting his friends to home every day and buying them things like chicken etc for cooking in my sibling's money when my sibling is struggling hard to balance his finance.

At this point, he wants a car and all he cares is his own luxury. He is simply sitting at home and cribbing that he struggles a lot in his life. He doesn't talk to my mom happily and always moody when he is at home. He has his own 2 wheeler that he uses to roam around the city every day to meet his friends. But never pick-up/drops my mom at her shop. So, my mom has to walk 2 miles every day after a long work day (i've told my mom to take a break as I can support her completely. But she said she'd go mad if she sits at home and this business is something she thoroughly enjoys). My dad doesn't like my mom doing a business either. He wants her home all the time to serve him food and make tea. He is constantly arguing that my mom should leave the business an stayed home (things were not rosy even before my mom started the business). He went to a great extent to stop my mom from doing business by talking to the shop owner.

My dad loves me a lot, but doesn't even listen/change when I explain things to him. All these years I tried in all the way possible to explain things to him. He wants to show off to people that he has lots of money. It used to be a problem, but not this big of a problem. I realized the magnitude of the problem when my dad visited me for 6 months. Until then, I didn't believe my mom when she explained this thinking dad would never go this far.

He no longer cares/loves mom. He only cares about showing off to others. He wastes a lot of money and expects us to support him. Never satisfies with anything in life. My mom cries every time I talk to her. She said she doesn't know what to do, but can't live with someone who doesn't even want to talk to her. But she is not even ready to take temporary separation and wants him to change to someone who cares about her.

I don't know what to do. It hurts that we are no longer a close family. Dad drifted away and is living in his own dream.

How can I help my mom?

 

Thanks everyone for the response. I stopped giving money to my parents altogether a couple of years ago and I'd buy things whenever I visit them.

My brother only sends a set amount for family expenses. Dad gets some pocket money from that amount. He cannot accept the fact that he only gets little pocket money and wants more. hence, scolds about my brother to my mom.

I told my mom the same thing you ladies recommended. He wouldn't change. However, he wants to keep the reputation in the society and would do anything for that. I asked my mom to move out of the house publicly and stay at her mom's house for a month. It would push him hard to change. I don't expect any big changes. He'd probably change for a short amount of time and would go back to his old self after that. But IMO, it's worth the try.

It's been bothering me so much so that I decided to post here and get your input.

Trust me, I've become very blunt with my dad. I love him, but no respect for him. My mom is one of those humans who live for others. She still loves him and not able to accept that he doesn't care/respect her. She has high self-respect and not able to accept his actions either. It's affecting her health too. I cannot keep her with me in US due to many reasons. She likes India and the city she lives. I wish my dad comes out of his dreamland and sees the blessings he got in his life.