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Am I Right Or Wrong In Dealing With My Mom

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by deepti9, Apr 19, 2018.

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  1. Apr 19, 2018 #11
    deepti9

    deepti9 Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks for the suggestion. I will check that.
     
    deepti9, Apr 19, 2018
    deepti9, Apr 19, 2018
    #11
  2. Apr 20, 2018 #12
    MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Your uncle is taking advantage of your mom. Are there any other responsible family members who can get involved?
     
    MalStrom, Apr 20, 2018
    MalStrom, Apr 20, 2018
    #12
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  3. Apr 20, 2018 #13
    poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    Welcome to the NRI reality.

    Lately, the tag of war that is going on in my family is unbelievable.

    When it comes to money -- Lies / hiding the truth / partially sharing information to their advantage! I wonder, how my dad manged to keep these jugheads as 'presentable' decent family to the outside world?
     
    poovai, Apr 20, 2018
    poovai, Apr 20, 2018
    #13
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  4. Apr 20, 2018 #14
    Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    true. same my husbands family are thugs.
     
    Sunshine04, Apr 20, 2018
    Sunshine04, Apr 20, 2018
    #14
  5. Apr 20, 2018 #15
    Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    Would love to know what your uncle eats that he can gobble down an older woman’s savings and digest his food, buy a car and sleep well at night !
    Call up the uncle and ask him for the jewelry back right away. Don’t pick up a fight with your mom but in the future make sure all your and her assets are well protected.
     
    Sandycandy, Apr 20, 2018
    Sandycandy, Apr 20, 2018
    #15
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  6. Apr 20, 2018 #16
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Did this uncle or his family provide some help or support to your mom during the years she was bringing you both up or during the years after you both moved away? Sometimes, help provided during difficult times makes people feel so grateful that they do things like this.

    Either way, maybe you should 'fess up to husband about it, put him in touch with uncle to resolve the matter, and thus some pressure is taken off your mom?

    To answer your question - no you are not wrong in how you are dealing with mom. Pledging son-in-law's chain and rings without telling him is a big no-no. No matter how big/thick the chain, rings.

    You say both you and your husband are working. Is it possible at all to write off the value of those jewels? Is the value small enough to take this approach - "Mom was wrong in what she did. Done is done. Rather than burden her now with the task of getting it back from the uncle, forget that you ever had those." Count it as a small return for how she brought you guys up, and also chalk it down as a lesson learnt about money and relationships.

    If the jewels have some sentimental value, is it possible for you and husband to give the money to get back the jewels, and then mom follows up with uncle for returning the money? Is there any way your mom can make up to you for the missing jewels?

    The other thing is that such matters cannot be hidden from husband for long. Even if you get back the jewels, he might at some time get to know what all happened in past two years. Better he hears it from you and now rather than later. Face the music and turn this into a problem you both tackle together. Or he alone, if that helps.
     
    Rihana, Apr 20, 2018
    Rihana, Apr 20, 2018
    #16
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  7. Apr 20, 2018 #17
    deepti9

    deepti9 Senior IL'ite

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    Yes there are many but no one knows about it. My mom says he has promised to get it back..as you say i will get others involved soon..thanks!
     
    deepti9, Apr 20, 2018
    deepti9, Apr 20, 2018
    #17
  8. Apr 20, 2018 #18
    deepti9

    deepti9 Senior IL'ite

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    sure..thanks!
     
    deepti9, Apr 20, 2018
    deepti9, Apr 20, 2018
    #18
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  9. Apr 20, 2018 #19
    deepti9

    deepti9 Senior IL'ite

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    Oh thank you for your suggestion. Whatever you said are all valid points. Yes he has helped my mom before. Not by giving cash or something..but by taking our family along with them to restaurants, movies, booking train tickets etc...Thank you. I will act as you all suggested and will keep you posted
     
    deepti9, Apr 20, 2018
    deepti9, Apr 20, 2018
    #19
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  10. Apr 20, 2018 #20
    sweetsmiley

    sweetsmiley Platinum IL'ite

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    The base of the problem is something different.. Even my father used to do the samething..
    He is around 70 and staying in india.. He loves to hangout with mid aged guys in near by shop/Mandi...
    Those guys get some snacks and take him out when ever they go as a group.. Basically old age friendships..
    He need that mental support/outside family friends/chat grp... He couldn't find someone in his age with the same everyday hangout mentality..

    But the problem started once they started asking money for loan.. My father said that he doesnt have cash.. still they asked like can you get some money from ur daughter.. she is abroad and she shuld have money like that.. And they wanted for interest rate only. i flatly refused... My father tried so hard to convince me to give money to them...Real problem is my father ready to risk my money also because he is not ready to lose the support/chat gang.. He started feeling that he will be alone if he refuse to give the money...

    Slowly situations changed, he came here for six months and this topic closed..since ur mom is alone she is relying on her brother for some day to day mental support/ need. .so she cant fight or say No... Ur Uncle knows that and took the advantage..so better to inform your husband and involve him and get the jewels. And try to find some companion or person who can help your mom in day to day basis.. And make sure all properties are safe and secure. More property/jewels/ cash are really risky for ur mom's safety...
     
    Last edited: Apr 20, 2018
    sweetsmiley, Apr 20, 2018
    sweetsmiley, Apr 20, 2018
    #20
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