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Coping Up With Mother In Law After A Huge Fight

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Harini82, Apr 17, 2018.

  1. iamsrihere

    iamsrihere Platinum IL'ite

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    I am starting to think from now on that I should imagine her voice to be of my Mom's and I should answer as though I answer my Mom. At this point, I am trying ALL ways I can do to make myself happy and make them happy.

    Stop bending so much to please them Harini. When your MIL is clearly not appreciating your efforts, you dont have to find ways to make them happy. Be yourself, and slowly people will respect you. The more you bend, the more you will be taken granted for.

    And you dont have to feel insulted, because you have done the right thing by ending the fight.But if you still hold resentments, I would suggest you to stop pleasing your MIL so much because if she doesn't react according to your expectations, the more bitter you will feel. Now that you have had a fight, it is okay to let time heal the issue.
     
  2. anuyogam1988

    anuyogam1988 Gold IL'ite

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    I can understand how you are feeling. It is not easy. But forget what happened last week. You and mil apologized each other. Just forget now. Otherwise it will hurt you. Whenever you remember such bad instances, share it with your husband or get counsellor's help to deal with the situation. Don't care about what your bil or sil might think. If they think bad about you for this, it means they are not happy with themselves. Just be confident (without guilt) when you talk to people, they will respect you. With your mil, be careful. Don't let people to drag you to drama/fight. Read how to deal with passive aggressive or bully inlaws. You will get lot of resources.


     
  3. anuyogam1988

    anuyogam1988 Gold IL'ite

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    Another advise: DO NOT talk about your mil to your sil or anyone. Even if she talks, try to be positive and escape. Main problem with Indian married women is back talking. If you stop talking about mil, you will deal with her boldly. People who talk behind their back, they don't tend to solve the real problem straight forwardly.
     
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  4. Harini82

    Harini82 New IL'ite

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    Thats true. But if my mom yells at my sister in law who came from a different family infront of me and my husband, I will ask her to calm down because I have that lenience with my mom to do so. And SIL who always says "If I get a chance, I want to her 1000 questions" doesnt speak a work, it makes me a scape goat :)

    Yes, you are right. I shouldnt talk to SIL everyday about MIL. I realized that is bringing the worst in me.
     
  5. Harini82

    Harini82 New IL'ite

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    Quite a bit of contradiction.
    It is a "happy" ending but you are left feeling hurt.
    You are happy that your hubby didnt take sides and helped mediate , but hurt that your BIL whom you looked after for 3 years didnt intervene ( also did not take sides), SIL to whom you lend a sympathetic ear didnt show any empathy
    . Not sure what you are trying to tell here except for repeating what I said :)

    You were angry and upset that your MIL shouted at you abruptly, and in front of other family members, yet you didnt use the chance to clear your stand during the mediation. While the issue is resolved amicably you feel you have someways lost out. Like you probably want to tell your MIL to never ever shout at you in front of others, that you felt humiliated, perhaps you expect a sincere apology. -
    I did tell her that I was upset she yelled infront of them. I said I didnt like that behavior.

    What you did was perhaps for the greater good. But do you feel respect for your self? Because some part of you is clearly hurt, very hurt that you have to put up with this. That you let yourself down by not telling your MIL you feel/felt humiliated by her actions. Some of us do not like conflict and try to avoid facing such situations, feel relieved that the situation is resolved even if the resolution was not really favourable to us. - Exactly my thoughts. You totally got this. I am looking for solution here
     
  6. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    :thumbsup:

    :thumbsup:

    Arguments and even fights happen in the most loving of families. It will be forgotten in a matter of days. Don't bring it up again, don't dwell on it.

    Your BIL and SIL should respect you both for hugging it out and moving on in harmony. You certainly have my respect for the way you ended the fight.

    I did notice this. It's good to move forward and not dig up past disagreements.

    In what way were you insulted? What makes you feel you lost respect? I don't understand this part. From what you've told us, you stood up for yourself and then hugged it out.

    What would happen if you were to have a chat about your feelings? Would she justify her own actions or would she acknowledge her mistakes? If you think the outcome would be positive, talk with her when you're both calm. Personally, I would forgive the past and move forward.

    You sound like a good person who is on the right path.

    I second this. You are an adult; sort out your own differences with your MIL. Don't seek support from DH/BIL/SIL. If they offer to mediate, it's still up to you to say, "Thank you, but we will work it out ourselves."

    DH, BIL, SIL and you on one side vs MIL on the other in an ugly shouting match. Is that what you really wanted? I honestly believe you are better than that.

    Your goals are good, but the path to nobility is hard and a few stumbles along the way are inevitable. Cut yourself some slack. You're doing good.

    @Harini82, I learned a few things from you today. Thank you!
     
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  7. Harini82

    Harini82 New IL'ite

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    Thanks :) I am glad
     
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