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Will You Keep Quiet If Your Husband Chats With A Far Related Cousin Sister Almost Everyday

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by SBRose, Mar 19, 2018.

Will you keep quiet if your husband chats with a far related cousin sister almost everyday

  1. Yes

    2 vote(s)
    9.5%
  2. No

    19 vote(s)
    90.5%
  1. SBRose

    SBRose Bronze IL'ite

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    Yeah Sunshine it will happen soon !I get so upset as my feelings are not at all acknowledged, i have cried and fought last November, but then how can he start chating again this January Thats what agitates me a lot...
     
    Last edited: Mar 20, 2018
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  2. SBRose

    SBRose Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Lovely Ladies, i am so grateful to get valuable advice from you all. Living away from home and being stuck with this type of husband really pulls me down. I strive hard to keep myself happy with my job, art and music. Still i mised the love & support from friends and relatives,
    Suddenly I remembered I could post in this forum for support and that really helped, i was one of the early birds in indus ladies - was active during 2008.
    I am very thankful for Indus Ladies for the extending the helping hand and make me feel home,
    God Bless you all and i hope to hang in here and stay happy with all you around,
     
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  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Op.....if I had an arrogant prick for a husband who liked romancing other people , and if I had a grown up child who did not need to be looked after and if I had a job too....I would not give a **** about the arrogant prick.

    I would stop doing stuff for him completely. Let him cook and clean for himself and let him **** himself or her.
    I would call it freedom ....do my own stuff and live my life the way I wanted. If things got tough ,I would have filed for divorce,taken half of everything and called it good riddance.

    As for son.... I would have made him independent and asked him to go find a sweet girl for himself and marry her the way they both wanted.
     
  4. SBRose

    SBRose Bronze IL'ite

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    This is how brave women talk !
    Thanks heaps ! I really love what you have said here, i will immediately stop wasting my precious energy on this arrogant prick and focus on my art,books and friends who make me happy. If i get brave enough i will file divorce and become a free bird to explore the world!
     
    NeetaR, Sandycandy and yellowmango like this.
  5. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Secure yourself finacially before you take a big decision .
    Be fair but make sure you get what you deserve.
    No point monitoring him and his actions.
    He will do what he wants to do . Besides,if that is what is in his heart,then there is no point in him even mending ways.
    Let him do what he is happy doing. Your happiness does not lie in his happiness.

    Best wishes. Hope you enjoy your life more.
     
    Raffaello, NeetaR, Sunshine04 and 2 others like this.
  6. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear OP

    What is the issue here? Sorry, but I failed to understand the depth of this matter even after reading 4 pages of posts here in this thread.
    Am i missing anything here or are we sharing our own perspectives instead of addressing OP's problems?
    Sorry, please someone enlighten me.

    Are they really fishy?
    Or, are you being so narrow minded and suspicious here?
    Isn't it important to have some privacy and space for self in any relationship?
    And isn't it important to understand and accept our partner as who he is? I mean, not everyone shares the same view point when it comes to interacting with opposite gender. So, we can't really blame our partner if he/she shares a different view on this sensitive matter.
    All we need is some understanding to see the problem in a bigger picture.

    I still don't know whether your spouse is cheating you or not. But given the little info here, I am unable to conclude anything at all. I think, you are being too fast, and one sided when making such serious decisions like ending marriage.
    Even if that is not on papers, choosing to emotionally disconnect from spouse is a serious decision, JMO.

    My humble opinion here:
    Not sure whether I am late or not to share my opinion. But here goes mine.

    I share somewhat similar perspective like what @peartree has shared above.
    I used to be very much introvert as a child in School. So, those days I didn't have any guy friends.
    After college, I became independent and that boasted my confidence level to several steps ahead. That's when we had FB and other social media to reconnect with friends and others.
    I've found many of my childhood peers, classmates, etc in FB and got in touch with them.
    Some of them happened to became friends with me all over again, and we shared whatsapp and continued our chats, shared interest etc privately.
    So, its just normal in my case to chat with my guy friend, perhaps frequently as long as we are done with whatever the " discussion topic"

    Besides, I have a best male friend, with whom I chat almost daily on FB or whatsapp. Our chats starts from good morning, and every now and then we buzz each other in FB or other apps on something or other in general including our family matters, office matters.
    If you wanna know, let me tell you what we were chatting today.
    He: My wife is sick again. This time it is not dengue as the platelet count seems normal
    Me: Wait for 3 days, sometimes the counts may flactuate
    He: She doesn't listen to me, she is active the moment she feels normal. She needs rest, that's what Dr said
    Me: Me too the same. How come a woman stay inactive when everyone needs her. Why can't you take leave and be with her for 3 days. At least you can help with the house work.

    The chat will take any turn, and it will be about social issues, Sridevi's death, money matters, political, religion and what not.
    But never once it changed off track or went to romantic side.

    I feel happy about the fact that I have a friend, and he feels the same about me. Our spouses are being so open minded to trust us first, understand the depth of our relationship, and to let us the needful space to live our life at our choice.
    After all we are adults, and the feel of being monitored by others isn't great.

    Unless you have something to catch him red-handed, I wouldn't worry much about this kind of friendship.

    And of course, I share my selfie in FB and in whatsapp with my guy friends if there is anything that I want to talk in relation to my selfie (may be about the cam quality, about my dress, about my make up, about my weighloss, about the place where I am in... there are so much). And that's not always wrong.

    Being arrogant to you, and spending less time with family:
    Of course this is a problem. This is exactly the major problem in your life
    Find out the reason why your H isn't interested to share time with you.
    If it is because of your close mindset (i am not blaming you, but trying to understand here), or may be you both are a complete missed match.
    Whatsoever, if this makes you annoyed to the level that you feel separating from H can give you some happiness, then you may explore the posibility of it.

    But divorcing a man for the fact that he is talking to his cousin seems a bit too much to me. Unless, he is talking romantically or being involved in romantic relationship with her.

    Not every man and woman romanticize their relationship. There are friendships, platonic relationship, brotherhood, so you may need to have an open mind to analyze this first.

    Please disregard my post if you have any evidence against your H's relationship with this cousin to call it cheating. In this case, you are right.. Divorce may be a best option
     
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  7. Raffaello

    Raffaello Silver IL'ite

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    Successful marriage requires falling in love always many times with the same person, if he can't keep that vow you too stay away from it. In this game you are losing your peace of mind energy and important time. We will age daily, the moments pass and we got to cherish them, so stop looking in to his phone..
    At this point of your life if he is up to something unfaithful to you shame on him to live such a pathetic life. Invest yourself in your son's future, your next aspect in life whatever gets you to positivity do it. Its one life if in a marriage one can't understand the love and reciprocate or cheat other its worth to stay away rather nagging behind them. Lots of good things to see, we should not tell don't do this or that to others we are all grown up sane adults, if chatting with a cousin hurts you then he ought to abruptly stop doing it instead of playing blame game. Every dog will have its day if he blames you and make you feel bitter, karma will make its way so see the positive side and keep. Moving.

    Life is a journey keep traveling. Stay healthy and enjoy your life .....
     
  8. SBRose

    SBRose Bronze IL'ite

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    Well Said ! i will start securing my finances from now on. I will not waste my precious time anymore on worrying about him. I have warned him again today. Hope i get to spend my time usefully from now on.
    Hi Thanks for taking time to post your views in detail, My case is different, the conversations are not normal but him asking for old pics in “yellow half saree” and emotional dialogues etc which i feel not nice. I have warned him twice now not to chat like this. If it is a causual conversation like yours i dont have to take screenshots for proof right ? Since it is mentally disturbing, i had to find a solution, Hope you get some clarity now.

    If he changes his mind and be a good husband, i wont have to think about divorce route. Thanks for giving guidance like a bigger sister. The fact is he given me so much stress past few days. Hence I am getting advise from all of you lovely ladies. Feeling much better now. I got the courage to put my foot down and warn him. He apologised and said he will not chat. Hopefully all goes well in future.
    Since he already apologised once last November, but started chatting again, I find him unstable and the relationship seems more fishy that they cannot stop talking :(
    I hope it wont happen again.
     
    Last edited: Mar 20, 2018
  9. SBRose

    SBRose Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi, Thanks for the nice advice, i like to read it again and again, hope life gets better for me.
    Thanks
     
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  10. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Since it is an anonymous forum, it would be still great to open up in detail about the chat history.
    What exactly he was chatting with her.
    Other than sending selfies and asking a picture of her yellow half saree?
    What are those emotional dialogues?

    You see...

    I respect your gut feeling here. But sometimes our own insecurity and possessiveness influence in our decision making.
    My male friend has been commenting on my dressing, and sometimes he refers to certain sari/salwar and say I look good when I wore them.
    I too go into detail about his dressing and other matters too. But they are plain chats without any hidden intentions.
    But I don't think they seem "normal" to a 3rd party all the time, unless the 3rd party understands us.

    I would still give the benefit of the doubt unless I have evidence to prove this.
     
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