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Should You Or Should You Not Complain About Mil To Dh?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by poi098, Mar 6, 2018.

  1. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    I have done this for years.
    I let him know what is going on because I needed to tell someone or I would have a meltdown ( men need to be told ...they don't get things unless told clearly) but I made it clear that I do not expect him to take any action on it. That made him listen to me patiently and end of the day I felt lighter and he just went about his normal routine. His mom did the same but I never heard any of the complaints .

    I felt it is important that he knows my side too specially if he hearing from his parents too.But for that you need to have a mature husband who is willing to be fair.
     
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  2. mirrorimage

    mirrorimage Silver IL'ite

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    smart points...noted...yeah only showing off too much works in this society....

     
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  3. IniyaaSri

    IniyaaSri IL Hall of Fame

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    Yeah at times yes. Because most of the Indian husbands are not always reliable in this particular issue!
    No matter how good the relationship is. Moms are always one step ahead for no good reason I feel.
    So yeah instead of stressing ourselves and inviting all sorts of health issues, we got to think and tackle.
    Thats better! Actually we dont have any other option other than this to save ourselves from unnecessary drama!
    :grinning:
     
  4. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    One thing I will say - practice isolating yourself from negative situations. Just remind yourself that these things are common between MIL and DIL.
    If your husband had married any other girls, probably she too would have the same "shortcomings" because that is the norm of this generation.

    So, first of all you are not wrong you are just a product of the current generation and your habits will be as per situation and requirements of this generation(working ladies, more responsibilities and stress, simple and smart dressing culture of today's world, time committed to outside work and no time for cooking, more stress and less energy due to pollution & lower quality food)

    Your MIL is also not wrong as she belong to previous generation and she feel that is the basic things to expect from DIL.So it is very natural for her to lament that way.

    She herself would also have been very different from her own MIL due to generation gap. But you can't make her realise or change anyone at this age. Maybe it is due to their age or maybe due to privilege of being a son's mother, she will not change- so don't waste your energy trying to convince her.

    Once you keep reminding that this was an inevitable situation no matter who your DH married, you will learn to not take it personally and be busy in your work/life . Just observe the situations and be amused.

    Try to make the best of staying in joint family and ignore the negatives, Give her the freedom to complain , you also maintain your freedom by doing whatever is correct and appropriate according to your situation/limitations. Don't bring husband into all this and spoil the relationship.
     

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