Cheeniya And His Alter Ego

Alt-PS: Hello Alt-Sri! I never invite cold with thambulam to catch me and I always try to stay as far away from cold. I also try to keep my distance with those who are having cold. Further I try to keep my mouth shut when I am having cold and not to spread it.

As you have said we are not catching the cold, stealthily cold only is catching us and just waiting for a chance to catch us unaware.

 

Blinky: Trollhunters assemble! Where is Cheeniya?



NotEnrique: He must be loitering in Marina Beach singing Yesudas songs and derelict of his duties here. I told you that we must keep an eye on him lest he took off from Triplicane and landed in Travancore to investigate the gold rush there. I told you, but no one listens. No one listens to me! No one listens to me that we have run out of hotdogs in the fridge and what is this godforsaken apple doing here.



Blinky: Hush! We must find him. Pull out your looking glasses and crystal mirrors and scan across all portals.

AAARRRGGHH: What are we searching here? Are we searching for Pangur Cat?



Blinky: No, we are searching for Cheeniya, a human, not a cat, an adult human.

AAARRRGGHH: Humans are careless! They get lost very easily. I would have volunteered to search for a cat instead. Bad humans! Lose themselves!

Blinky: Look troll warriors, we are searching for Cheeniya. Deal with it. My brother Dictatious Maximus Galadrigal would have summoned an army to search for Cheeniya but I have only you two dimwits in his mission.

NotEnrique: I say, give a day or return and he will return. Does anyone know how to make mirchi bhajji here? I want to eat something hot.

Blinky: Quiet NotEnrique. This is no time for bhajji or bonda. We must find Cheeniya.

AAARRRGGHH: AAM READY!

NotEnrique: Do I have a choice?

Blinky: Fan out warriors and return with Cheeniya, with or without his beard.

 

AAARRRGGHH: (Mind Voice) Doesn't she understand we are getting closer to Agni Nakshatra and it is steaming hot outside in Chennai roads?

NotEnirque: I can hear your Mind Voice. You better search for the bearded man she asked us to look for. By the way, who in the right frame of mind will wear a beard in this hot weather?

Blinky: That is precisely my point. Her identification method is flawed. What in case, if the man changed his mind and decided to shave his beard?

Ira: Not a chance. That is his trademark. He would never do such distasteful act even in his dreams especially after I had drawn so many of his images in my drawings.

AAARRRGGHH: Okay. Okay. Let us continue to search. Is this the same man in a statue who was in the news that someone was threatening that all his statues would be thrown out in the future?

NotEnirque: No, no. In fact, he is the opposite. The one you are referring to is an atheist. The bearded man Ira is asking us to search for his God-worshiping person chanting his Slokas everyday.

Blinky: That is right. I have seen him in the Ganesh Temple near his residence a few weeks back.

AAARRGGHH: Hang on. There is a bearded man walking back from the departmental store with uneaten half chocolate in his hand and wearing a part in his beard? Is that him?

Ira: That is right. He was complaining about his peculiar physician banning him from eating chocolates and even his granddaughter is not eating chocolates in front of him. Perhaps, he decided to venture into tasting a chocolate for a change. Yep. That is him. Thank you, guys.

 

AAARRGGHH: So, we are searching for a man holding a half-eaten chocolate with a mysterious shape-shifting beard that is chanting slokas, wait, is the beard or the man chanting, nevertheless, we are looking for half-holding and half-eating chocolate man. Am I right? Is that our man?

Blinky: Guys, listen. Chocolates melt in Chennai weather. We will search for a lost man who appears to be lost. And if he is found incriminated in chocolate slurp around his fingers then forthwith apprehend him.

NotEnrique: I don't care beards or chocolates. Where are my hotdogs? Who ate them? Why was an apple substituted in their place in the fridge? Did Cheeniya eat my hotdog and replaced it with an apple. Is that him? Holy Pippins! I won't spare him.

Blinky: NotEnrique, remain calm. Cheeniya is a vegetarian. He won't touch a hotdog even with a barge pole. We should look for him before the Chennai weather foils our plans.

AAARRGGHH: Are we looking for a man with a half-eaten chocolate, half-eaten hotdog, half-eaten apple that is chanting slokas from a cone-shaped beard which is —

Blinky: Trollhunters! Straighten up! We should search for Cheeniya who could be doing anything anywhere at this moment! Scout him!

AAARRGGHH: I told you, a slinky cat was easier to find.

NotEnrique: He won't be too far.

AAARRGGHH: OK, I will search for a man holding a chocolate-colored hotdog made of apples growing tentacled beard that is wreaking havoc by swaying and toppling the sloka-singing street statues in Chennai. Is that our man? He must be some man with such obfuscating traits.

 

IRA: Where is Cheeniya?

ALT-CHEENIYA: He is resting.

IRA: Resting?

ALT-CHEENIYA: Resting in deep think.

IRA: He is wanted urgently. Tell him that QPQ is housed by peddlers and hawkers selling all kind of commercial ware.

ALT-CHEENIYA: You mean spam? Why don't you say it that way.

IRA: Yes "spam" but I prefer to talk it long.

ALT-CHEENIYA: He is busy resting in deep think.

IRA: By the time he returns QPQ might turn into a Chandi Chowk.

ALT-CHEENIYA: I will convey your concern to him.

IRA: Also tell him that I would like to charge for advertising in the thread, one dollar for visa immigration, and two dollars for hair regeneration. Is that okay with him?

ALT-CHEENIYA: Greed! I will convey that as well to him.

IRA: Opportunity! And I won't share my windfall with him.

ALT-CHEENIYA: And ...

IRA: Well, discount for electric toothbrush adverts. Ask him to hurry back, or he won't recognize the QPQ ground.

 

Ira: You are back?!
Cheeniya: Yes, I am.
Ira: You are really back?
Cheeniya: Why? Did you rent the space to another rambler while I was away and charged him four dollars?
Ira: I heard 'Ho ho ho' trill and thought a lost Santa wandered into our QPQ.
Cheeniya: Santas don't trundle out of their grottos till December. How could you confuse me for a Santa in this blistering heat?
Ira: Nonsensical Santas have no sense of time or temperature. They walk in anytime attracted to nonsense. I am glad you are back.
Cheeniya: I see that you have cluttered the place with newspaper clippings and tabloid microfilms.
Ira: Yes, I was poised for your crash arrival. I had to update my nonsense to match with yours.
Cheeniya: We are only two in a boat floating in a still riptide. How much preparation do you need?
Ira: It is not that we will progress anywhere but we must learn more nonsense to sustain our identity as nonsensical ramblers. Recall the dialogue between Alice and the Red Queen:

"Well, in our country," said Alice, still panting a little, "you'd generally get to somewhere else—if you run very fast for a long time, as we've been doing."

"A slow sort of country!" said the Queen. "Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!"



Ira: Similarly, we acquire more nonsense just to retain our nonsensical 'standing'. Did you say ladies first?
Cheeniya: I did.
Ira: In that case, follow me.