A Wife Or A Daughters Dilemma

Sorry but your mother is a bully. She seems to control your finances, social life directly or indirectly. You are an adult and need to stand up for what is right and wrong. As much as we would like to believe that our parents are always right it’s not always the case.

If renovation can wait tell her you have a vacation planned and cannot pitch in.
Go ahead and enjoy your vacation.

Please do your husband a favor and let your mother stay put in india . Don’t subject him and yourself to her negativity.

 

This is nothing but pure emotional black mail : ( Why should you be scared to face your mom ? You are an adult , a married woman with her own family ! Please go with your husband for the lovely vacation he has been wanting to go .He seems to be quite a nice ,accommodating man ! Please live your life @Vanilasky : )

 

Oh I agree

 

@Vanilasky Are you a single child ? Is that why you are building a house with your parents ?

 

@Vanilasky I don't think you should forego your plans just because of your mom's attitude.

I used to give importance to my parents' wishes and ignored my DH's wishes during the initial days of my marriage. The end result was.....my mom was still crappy about a lot of things + I missed out the wonderful time I could have otherwise spent with my DH.

My advise would be to tune her out. Talk to her back saying that this is what you will do and don't care about her feelings or moods.

The reason for your mom's tantrums seems to be your willing/ complying to her wishes attitude.

I did what you are doing and I regret now. coz people who want to complain will do so for every small and petty thing...but memories once created...stay for a lifetime. Choose wisely!

 

Constant taunting and complaining can cause so much stress to the receiver.Your mom is creating stress in your life so you need to communicate properly or it will affect your life badly .You should not cancel your plans else you are showing your weakness and encouraging the behaviour. Don't feel guilty, if you feel you deserve the vacation take it.
Knowing your mom's attitude you could have avoided building joint house equally with them. I don't know how it works- I mean do you have other siblings with a stake in that or who is going to live in that house and is the renovation really urgent . I think if you are not ready right now, veto the renovations.

 

You are not suppose to please anybody. Being an adult, make your decision based on what you really need.
If there is an emergency going on at your parents' place, it is acceptable that they expect you to cancel your vacation to be with them.
You must know how to balance this. If not, everyone, even your maid and driver will expect so much from you, and try their level best to make you feel guilt when you say no.
Take your call, and end all these guilt trips.

You deserve a vacation, and that is to refuel your stressful life. This vacation should make you both (you and H) happy and relieved. So that you can resume the same busy/stressful life in abroad.
Now, you decide which is the best place to spend your vacation?