Improving Self Esteem

How is he at his work place ? How does he behave to his parents?. Is he face same anger issue everywhere or its only to you? If its only to you, then you cannot say its anger issue. He is taking you for granted. You are the only person who tolerate it. You need to tell him that you cannot do it any more. He need to respect your emotions.

What you do when he complains about silly things like foam over tea. ?

He is treating you like a servant. You are not his mom. you are his wife. Start ignoring him, talk less, start taking decisions your self. You are a working woman, he has to share house hold job instead of ordering you to do things. Stop depending on him too much. Take baby steps-one at a time.Focus on yourself. You need to gain some confidence.

 

I read your previous post and this one too.
1) You are doing the right thing by giving this marriage atleast 1 more year. This time is needed not only to get yourself back on your feet monetary wise but also so that even if ultimately you decide to file for divorce , atleast you will have the satisfaction that you didn't leave any stone unturned. Just use this time very wisely.
2) You need to be bold . Period . No one will help you out . You have to do it yourself and learn to exert your thoughts . Next time his tea gets cold and he complains , answer with an equally serious face that it has been waiting for him since past 10 mins ( make sure that you knock the restroom and tell him that the tea is ready. )If he says that is everything his mistake, don't falter or get scared of what lies ahead ; simply say that it is no one's mistake . If he is getting late because he doesn't help with the kid , house etc and then gets angry , first ask for help ( "Can you please put on the kid's shoes while I get ready myself?") . If he refuses or throws a tantrum, ask him to go by himself.
Learn to be decisive and stand by your decisions . If you can't even decide what time you want to start for home etc , how will you decide what is good for you in a larger sense , let's say divorce .

3) He will have to learn that his actions have consequences . Next time he asks you to leave the house, simply say that it is your house too. If he has a problem , then he can leave . Trust me he will be shocked .And might even get physically abusive . If he even raises his hand, tell him very calmly that you will not hesitate to call 911. He might take this as a joke . So you might actually have to do it before he starts taking you seriously.

4) There is a difference in having anger issues and being abusive . Your husband is being abusive under the garb of having anger problems. If you don't stand up for yourself , what would you be teaching your kid ? You will have to start making some changes .

Make all these changes in this 1 year . Keep your focus on your kid, your job and yourself . And if things don't change by the end of this year, you would know what to do.

 

It’s great that you have started working. This is a good training ground for you to be able to take decisions on your own, being assertive , establishing social contacts all of which will help you in dealing with your husband . Irrespective of whether you decide to separate from him or not you should start saving money ( separate bank account ) that the husband does not know of. Take time to make connections socially , someone that you can rely on in case of anything. Also learn to take care of all the essentials that you would need to live independently ( driving, filling gas, paying bills) if you aren’t doing that already. Start by taking decisions indepdently for the small things , make that doctors appointment without asking husband. Write down your thoughts/ plans if it helps you be more decisive.
Take deep breaths and say “ I can do this, I am strong “ .

Once your self esteem / indecisiveness issues are taken care of focus on setting boundaries with husband. Stay firm , do not apologize. Slowly insist that he needs therapy.

By the end of one year when you have to be firm , decisive , independent and self confident. If husband hasn’t taken care of his anger issues by then you have to decide what you want to do. You will be equipped mentally by then to take the right decision. I wish you the best !

 

OP, you have to take a very bold stand.
If he behaves badly, he shouldn't get any service. You need to show him there is an effect for every bad action from him. It is better to avoid first and see how things going. For example if he gets angry take your kid, dont utter a word and go to another room. Even if he order dont do anything for him completely ignore. Let him take and drink buttermilk himself. If he questions, you can tell him that you cannot tolerate his angry version. Completely ignore his outbursts. Most people get angry to get what they want . It is a controlling mechanism. you need to show that it has no effect on you, but he will suffer. Go on silent mode for sometime. If he is good then do all service you like to do. He should get a feeling that you will be good only if he is good to you.

I agree with @Deborah on how to deal other situations you have mentioned here.
Start action one by one , slowly improve your confidence. You need to work on yourself. There are so many self-motivating videos and information in youtube and web. Use it. Gain confidence and independence first. You can do it. Then you will get a clear idea on how to proceed further.

 

I personally think that counselors are very helpful. When the dynamics of the relationship is set, healthy communication between husband and wife is often challenging. It is not just the housework and chores that you need to communicate, but you need to feel like your emotional needs are also met. As Indian women, I think it's easier for us to forget ourselves while trying to keep the family afloat. Have you heard of a statistic about how women live healthier happier lives, NOT because they are married, but because they have close female friends? I think it's accurate. When we are conditioned to keep our thoughts and frustrations from our social circle (because it will affect how other people view you and your family), we end up holding all our pain in our bodies. There is no benefit to this. If you don't have close friends to share your troubles, having a counselor to pour out your heart, without judgement, can help you process your thoughts better AND you can get an outsider perspective of the difficulities you face. A good counselor can challenge you and give you advice about dealing yourself and people, more so than your own friends (let alone your parents).

Parents are awful confidantes, and friends are sweet, but they are also just as confused about life. Here are some options. I am not sure about any of them, but try calling them up, ask them about insurance stuff, and just try. You have done your self-evaluation, which is important, but it will be helpful for you to have some support, as you overcome your hurdles.

Plano Hindi Therapist - Hindi Therapist Plano, Collin County, Texas - Hindi Counseling Plano, Collin County, Texas
Dr. Rushina Bhatt, Psychologist, Euless, TX, 76040 | Psychology Today