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My Heart Cries For My Sis Who Is Now A Mil

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by blessed, Feb 14, 2018.

  1. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    Let’s hope the honeymoon continues and he can buy the diamond necklace with his own hard earned money and not have to rely on mamma and daddy to keep wife happy .

     
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  2. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    A child who has studied through out on scholarships,paid for his own higher education ,lavished his parents and pampered his sister with gifts should be trusted to pay back .

    He asks for one gift for his wife which he is willing to pay back and he is refused. Now they can keep wondering why he is not pampering their daughter. May be he is saving to gift his life partner.

    If the parents were poor,or the kind whose satisfaction at the wedding was not so important....then I would say ,they were right.

    The parents could have been a little generous with the loan specially since they got a free wedding .May be a little less expensive diamond set could have been given. The child was given samosa when he asked for chocolate. Both can be avoided and not necessary ( unhealthy) but if one has to give,then give what the child wants.

    I wonder if the son had asked them to buy a 10 lakh diamond set for his sister from his side and he would pay them back later....would they have still said...no beta ,we will only give what we can ourselves afford.No need for you to chip in.

    That said.....the son's behavior is wrong and reflects on his upbringing.
     
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2018
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  3. paru123

    paru123 Gold IL'ite

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    He would have surely become a slave to his wife's family with no brains and guts to behave as required with his own parents and sister.

    always important to get married to a similar status family, else you will lose your own self respect.
     
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  4. priyanka12345

    priyanka12345 Silver IL'ite

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    We are unnecessarily blaming the DIL in this case. Its more between son and his mother. Bringing DIL in between itself shows the way interactions would be happening or have happened when they must have met after weddings..

    Even if your sister or you might not have spoken abt , the way you commented abt DILs attitude during wedding or her being pampered by her parents , dont you think DIL would have got some hint.. we all have some sixth sense and know how others feel about us. If she is not keeping her relation with your SIS, neither did your Sis go out of her way to talk.So no need to blame DIL for what her son has done..

    On Son's part its bad to not be good host for his parents. He may be angry because of the gifting mess which took place at wedding or he was not involved in the plans for going around places in US.
    Had son told in first place that they can book tickets on their own? if thats the case its fine what your sister did.
    But if they booked their tickets etc without informing him in advance , he might get offended that he is not considered capable to arrange any trips for his parents also..
    However whatever said and done, he should have atleast not shown his anger like this since they visited for only 20 days.But for better future , your sister needs to talk it out in open with her son. no point in giving silent treatment to your own son when it affects her..
     
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  5. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    That's a pretty unfair assumption to think he is blinded by wealth of wife's family. The guy's own parents are pretty well to do able to afford a few abroad vacations, still he is a hard working scholarship student and studied on education loan instead of taking from parents inspite of being the only son. It's nowhere decipherable that his wife's family had anything to do with his behaviour towards his mother.Things are not so black-and-white, nor do I think it's just about money matters. Surely there are deeper issues between the family members.


    But I do agree the second part of marrying to similar status family , else it becomes a pain point for either side. In love marriage it's not possible, but in arranged marriage one should try as much as possible, because it does create issues.
     
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  6. paru123

    paru123 Gold IL'ite

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    They went on a road trip to meet his wife cousin just 2 days after his parents stay at his place, shows the importance he has given to his wife's family and people. He could have avoided that bcos not always are his parents staying with him. He is fully inclined towards this wife's family now and thats why he treated his parents partially.

    Some boys take their own parents and siblings for granted, whereas they can never say no to wife's requests as wife can't be offended. There could be serious issues going on between the couple and that's why he has behaved so strangely.
     
  7. blessed

    blessed Platinum IL'ite

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    Oh my God, thanks again Rihana, I have just been thinking and thinking after reading your opinion, you are right we are considering ourselves as the best and modest human beings and our DILs are very lucky to have us as their in laws.
    yeah you are right again sorry for the typo it's 4 lakh's set which she gifted to her DIL, of course we thought she is really being very generous as our respective in laws made a deal in gifting us a few thousands those days.
    My Sister had a budget of what she has to gift the DIL , say 4 L for jewelry 2L for bride's saree's and 2L for the saree's of the brides family and for us it looked like,as it is she is spending lot of money and my nephew wants to just show of that his parents can afford more.
    Only after reading your post I realized that he probably wanted to boost his parents pride among the girls relatives and may be he would secretly paid them back .
    I have to agree that the brides family were very friendly and sweet people and didn't even think while spending for anything with regards to the wedding.

    Regarding the brides behavior, Yes even I have a daughter and in a few years I will be in a similar situation but the maximum I can tell my DD is at least stand up if older people are introduced and smile, yes was a little confused and blindly added to the gossip which I truly regret now, wish I had put her in my daughters place. We don't even know her properly and we already came into a conclusion that she is "arrogant".
    My nephew and she were in relationship for more than 3 years before they got married, if he went ahead and married her then there relationship is really strong and we are nobody to be judgmental.
     
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  8. joylokhi

    joylokhi Platinum IL'ite

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    With all this, it gets still astounding that your nephew chose to behave in such a manner with his parents. Only the concerned appear to know the real truth behind all this.
     
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  9. blessed

    blessed Platinum IL'ite

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    Thank you for going through my old threads, in fact I myself was going through it and felt as if I was reading my own diary.. some incidents send shudders down my spine for what all I went through....

    My Sister could have gifted the diamond set as she could definitely afford and her Son requested her to do so, but she already was fixed to her budget of 4 L, if she had to go out of her way by taking loans for that amount then its a big NO.... but if 10 L is not a big money for you and its a pride for your Son then why not?

    Wish we could have explained her but we were also not very clear, and my mother was with her who was not very positive though...

    I really dont know the exact details about Mom and Son or Sister and brother did they have any arguments ? she didnt reveal it to me. But still I am ready to blast my nephew for his behavior which I never ever expected.
     
  10. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

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    Op, First of all your nephew seems to be entitled. He was in relationship with the girl for 3 yrs and married after.So he knew his IL's were throwing a lavish wedding. He cud have pitched in himself with the cost a little. Where does your sister come into picture unless she was in good contact with DIL's parents beforehand.Even then if hinted by everybody around then sharing expenses comes into picture.

    Now your nephew asking for diamond set sprung just before wedding is full blown entitlement. 10 lakhs is not a small amount . For that matter even 4 lakhs is not a small amount. Its not 60,000 but 6 lakhs plus. If he really wanted he cud have saved up and bought it before the wedding. Point is he didn't and thought it was fine to dump on parents . If being single he wudnt pay for it. How can he pay being married. What was he thinking? He wanted to look great without any effort.

    For my wedding all i got was a tinsy winsy set which even a toddler blows on will blow away . I am not mocking it. But my IL"s are loaded and my hubby bought it for me . They didn't find it in their heart to say get something memorable. But my SIL got a designer saree double the price of set in wedding as she is the sister. For her it was memorable. For me i haven't worn it after my marriage and wont wear it too.Thats how all IL's mind works . Definitely not for DIL's favor.

    On the other hand the DIL looks high strung and didn't make effort to be even nice to IL"s. The set incident may not be the reason. My SIL is similar. She didn't want my hubby to be married at any cost. She stopped all alliances as much as she cud. But mine she cudnt. So she never tried to be nice with me until today. Given any chance , she starts with leave your wife. The point is basic courtesy is not given. Some people don't have it. So you can't expect for them to get up one day and be nice. They wont. Your sister has to cut her losses and just say hi bye with son and DIL and get it over with. On the other hand ,the daughter has to distance herself as much as possible and live her own life.This incident shud be an eye opener to everybody in your family. Good Luck.
     
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2018
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