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Child Beating Badly

Discussion in 'Toddlers' started by Sweety2016, Feb 20, 2018.

  1. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    I had a friend who started time-outs around 18 months. Basically, when their daughter started acting up, they would tell her that she is getting a timeout because of so and so, and put her in the bedroom alone and close the door for 5 seconds. Surprisingly, it worked, and she came back with better behavior. I used the same technique with my son, and it works, but you must use it sparingly.

    How much tv time does your child get? I have noticed that my son was becoming more violent went we started screen time. And he wasn't even watching violent tv shows (he was watching rhymes). Try to reduce tv time, and instead take her to park or a child activity area (mall, arcade, tumbling classes) where she can run off her energy.

    At this age, I used a lot of board books. Try finding some classics that have good rhyming scheme. Read it out loud without giving it to her, to intrigue her. Book recommendations- The Pout Pout Fish, Where the Wild Things are, A very hungry caterpillar, goodnight moon- these are especially engaging and will keep her interest. There's a reason they are bestsellers. Others that are more picture centric are Goodnight gorilla, peek-a-who and Dear Zoo.
     
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  2. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    If you think daycare encourages this behavior, then you should talk to them.

    She may be thinking its funny. So try changing her attention when she throw something else. For example a toy with some sound. Also try saying NO. Tell her this is not acceptable.

    May be you can try time out ( keep her on a table [I keep my kid on kitchen counter top so they cannot escape] and wait there, be with her where ever it is to assure safety) . Be at her level, look into her eyes, tell her beating is not good and you are going to give time out in a very calm and stern way. Then give time out. Believe me they will cry for an hour (it will come down once they became familiar with 'time out'), but don't give up. Wait till she stops, then hug and tell her again that it is wrong to beat, but you love her not her bad behavior. It works. Next time if she stat beating tell her you will give time out if she do it again. So what happens and then decide your actions

    At this age, they wont have much communication skills or ability to understand everything , But they can follow NO and positive enforcement, like changing attention to something else. In this age they have isolation fear, so isolating wont work with them. It create more panic. She needs your presence all the time.
     
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2018
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  3. MonikaSG

    MonikaSG Platinum IL'ite

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    I don't have a solution but my problem is very much similar with 4 year old son so posting it here. He has anger issues that risen up now to louder level. I may be faulty for this as I got pregnant when he was 9 months. It was difficult for me to handle him with my condition so I used to get frustrated easily. He now became very sensitive and get angry easily. He is ok when I show him love and want love even for his worst behaviour and after looking at his misbehaviour for long if I say a little thing or show little anger then he start crying loudly and throwing things. Then it really become difficult to handle him. He don't want to share anything he want everyone to follow all of his instructions and he want to feel good and lovable all the time.
     
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  4. Sweety2016

    Sweety2016 Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you so much ladies

    @BhumiBabe @DDream TImeout seemed to be a viable option but again her paedeatrician told she is too young for it. I even tried it by leaving her in a different room she cried like anything..Timeout can be started at 3 yrs it seems.

    I am planning to get a tent for her..I ll fill it with toys..i hope she likes it..

    @MonikaSG So you also know the solution right..Give him love...I know its easy said than done that too with 2 children..What I do when I am completely tired is lie down in the bed... hug her and I keep saying i LOVE YOU...I also ask sorry for my temper tantrums..I explain her why I had to behave with her that way..I also ask her to consider doing things other way..Basically I talk for say half an hour.. I wont say it changed my daughter but it definitely reduces my guilt..Also holding those soft tiny hands releases my endorphins and I ll be at peace for those few moments..Worth a try even if nothing is working out..Most important for all moms is Let the chores wait!
     
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  5. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    Oh, random other tidbit. My mom encouraged me to press my son's earlobes daily to help calm him down. This is an acupressure point and reduces hyperactivity.

    And the time out method is literally 5 seconds. More than that doesn't work. My son is 2.5 now, and we only threaten a timeout- but we hardly need to use it anymore. He understands that he doesn't want a timeout. His daycare also uses timeouts and I've seen kids put in short term timeouts for screaming, hitting, and pulling hair- my son was the one pulling the girls' hair :fearscream:

    Try talking to the daycare for methods to deal with your kid. The older teachers have a lot of experience and can give you some interesting insights.
     
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  6. Sweety2016

    Sweety2016 Gold IL'ite

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    @BhumiBabe pressing earlobes seems attractive..ll try it as well..timeout for just 5 secs?? First, I should firmly look into her eyes and say timeout..Then I should take her to her room and then leave her there for those 5 secs right? Please elucidate timeout if am wrong..thanks for the help
    She goes to creche basically and they dont have teachers etc..It is managed by my institution and some ladies from the nearby village are appointed to take care of children. They take care of the children well just like how grandparents do.Nothing more than that..No educative or innovative sessions. Children follow a routine eat-play-eat-play-sleep-eat-play for the day..
     
  7. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    I read this part to my husband and we had a good laugh.
    This was our life for a few years.
    We stopping dining out because our two monkeys would run all over and even end up under other people's tables.
    We stopped going for movies because we did not want to run around them in the dark.

    Now they take us to their favorite eating joints.

    I have used the public toilet with both my daughters inside ,standing facing the door .:relaxed:

    When we travelled by train,at night I used to tie my younger ones hand with my hand and sleep because I was scared she would get up and run off when I was asleep.

    Now they treat me like a child during travel . They don't let me carry a single bag. They get the boarding passes,they find a seat for me and tell me,"you sit aarraam se ma ".( Meaning ,don't wander off:rolleyes:)

    Don't worry....this will pass and someday like us,you will laugh too.
    Chill girl. Enjoy her . She will grow up so fast ,you won't even realize and then you will miss these days terribly .I do .:(
     
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2018
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  8. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    He is four. Talk to him when he is calm and in a good mood ,not when he is throwing a tantrum .

    When he is calm and happy ,lie down with him and tell him the good things about him and then explain to him how he sometimes behaves badly that makes him look bad .Use this time to tell him stories .

    You can re-enforce good behavior by rewarding him with something he likes....like a story ,or his favourite dish or a little extra play time.

    Similarly you can take away something if he behaves badly . The trick is not to take away when he is angry but let him know when he is calm.

    Tell him " You behaved badly so I won't be able to tell you a story today.We can do it tomorrow if you are well behaved.okay baby ".Please follow up. If he is well behaved ,then tell him a really good story .:)

    He is four now...he will understand that actions have consequences.

    Be very specific . You did this ,so this happened. Don't stay angry for other stuff. Behave normally.
     
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  9. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    @yellowmango we laughed too. we were reminiscing all the monkeying by my sena. we tied him to us when travelling by train. we lost him a couple of times in temples malls and him not being able to talk gave us nightmares.

    and now he stays away in a hostel and i miss all this..
    sigh time flies
     
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  10. MonikaSG

    MonikaSG Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks for the reply. I do many of these things but it happen sometime that my younger one needs me for some poo or pee then also he don't want to leave me and then I have to forcibly get separated. He feel that he should always get what he want in the exact way he like it to be. It not always become possible and he end up shouting. I just agree to him whatever he say. Yesterday I had my lunch sitting on floor as he can't see spinach that I was eating and told me to sit there. I did as he said just to keep him calm. But how much to follow? Where it will take him?
     

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