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Thinking To Quit Job

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by mcutiepie, Feb 19, 2018.

  1. Deborah

    Deborah Gold IL'ite

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    Don't quit . It's not just a job , its independence and security in so many ways. I totally agree with what all the ladies are saying . Use the weekend to be the boss of everything - cooking , spending quality time with your kid.If you enjoy cooking and make tasty food , do it on the weekend . If your husband truly appreciates your cooking, he will wait eagerly for the weekends. Let MiL cook for him rest of the time.
    It's true that kids brought up by grandparents are kind of attached to them but no kid isn't attached to his mother too. If your MIL is just staying with you temporarily, put the child in a pre school after some time . He will enjoy that and it will give him some time away from the MIL too. And she can go back.If she is staying with you permanently , he will one day start enjoying his school more than his time at home.So don't be insecure in this matter.
    You can take some time off work if your work permits it - say a month's leave and stay at home . You can use this time to enjoy your kid's company and relax .
     
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  2. Vandhuamma

    Vandhuamma Silver IL'ite

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    Everyone has given wonderful replies, I dont have anything more to add.

    JUST DONT QUIT YOUR JOB, U CANT PLEASE THEM ANYWAYS...
    ONCE YOUR CHILD GOES TO SCHOOL WHILE U BE COMFORTABLE SPENDING YOUR ENTIRE DAY WITH MIL.
    THINK ABOUT IT.....

    JOB IS A BLESSING :icon_pc::icon_pc:
     
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  3. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    I can understand your situation and insecurity. Quitting job is a bad idea. Try to make the best of whatever time you get with your son, like weekends . If you think MIL will snatch your son, put him in a daycare till he gets regular school hours. It will also be good for him to interact with other kids and learn a bit than just being home with your MIL.

    Try to sleep early and get up early. Maybe you have late night work so you are sleeping late, if not then change the schedule. Hire a person to help you with the cooking, but you be the boss. Still keep no expectations from husband.Your husband married a working woman because that's important to him than cooking. If you quit, he will resent you like anything. So don't take such a huge decision for that. Utilise weekends to cook your husband's favourite item(different than MIL cooks).

    Try your best to ask weekly once work-from-home or witch to a better company after some months.But if you quit, your husband may resent you forever. Indian men are wired differently. They will view whatever their parents do as a sacrifice, but whatever sacrifice their wives do, they will justify it as selfish/lazy but hardly ever appreciate the sacrifice. If you run behind pleasing your husband, you will go mad. Rather, hold on to your independence and turn the situations to your advantage. You can cook for husband after retirement. But I always believe an independent mother makes the best(easiest) motherhood as you will have a good say in your son's life and your own life as well. Think of bigger picture.



     
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  4. mcutiepie

    mcutiepie Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks everyone for your suggestions. Few things I would like to add:

    1) Day care: My husband does not agree for this. I discussed this with him earlier.

    2) Sleeping earlier: it is not by choice I am sleeping late. MIL makes my son sleep for longer time during day and hence he sleeps late. I have discussed with her many times but of no use.

    3) Keeping a cook: again MIL not in agreement, then she says I have no issues in cooking and I am free full day, I can do it.

    Currently I am planning to take a break and see if I can have a good set up at home. Because this is in my mind from a longer time. I think I shall give it try rather than always thinking.

    Thanks!
     
  5. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    Taking a break is not a cakewalk. It's very difficult to get back into job as you have to explain your break. Your peers will get ahead of you, and you will be seen with obsolete skills. This is my assumption that you are in software field. It may not apply to all fields(especially skills becoming obsolete). Whatever you do, think thoroughly then do.

    It is good that MIL makes son sleep in daytime. Atleast he spends more time with you that way without compromising sufficient hours of sleep. What more do you want?

    Don't be insecure- he's just a kid. As he grows he will realise indispensability of mom. If you really want daycare, convince your husband that it's required for kid's mental development to interact with other kids and play. Definitely a better battle than job quitting.





     
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  6. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    All the best and enjoy the break.
     
  7. shwetapj

    shwetapj Silver IL'ite

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    Hi dear

    It looks like your MIL is living with you permanently. Hence I would advice you to continue with your job. If you feel the job too hectic then may be try a job change but don’t make a mistake to leave your career and sit at home when you MIL lives with you. Whatever you are thinking of like shopping. And relaxing it will never come to true like our other ladies said some or the other work will come up and like showing your husband that you too can cook? Why do you want to prove? You are already a good person trying to balance home and work. On top of that if you leave your job there is will be another reason for your husband to say you are lazy and not completing your chores and blah blah. I am a stay at home mom taking care of my kid, cooking and cleaning vessels rest of the house cleaning I have a maid. I don’t have any relatives or grandparents coming home to spend time with my daughter that’s why I left my career to fully concentrate on her upbringing. And I don’t believe in the concept of leaving my child with a complete stranger or a nanny. It’s more hectic but it’s worth it. Regarding your son getting too attached with his grandmother don’t worry he will always remain your son. For kids with parents are dinner then grandparents are dessert. And he is too small to comprehend these issues. After few days he will start Playschool and regular school then he will have friends to play. So chill. Though these kids are small they are very smart to understand how much their mother is working for them to give them a comfortable life and you will be satisfied with that.
     
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  8. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    All have given good suggestions..many things I wanted to mention were already told by other ladies in earlier posts..
    U have a good setup here, grandparents looking after, MIL who is ready to cook.
    Ignore her and concentrate on job.
    If ur skills get outdated u will face difficulty later with the competitive job market.
    Grass is on the greener side.
    While working I was thinking , housewives are so lucky they get rest and free time and can go shopping whenever they want, can cook their favourite foods etc.
    But as housewife also schedule is very busy. Free time is very less, if I relax I'm assumed to be lazy.
    I don't get all that much time for shopping..and as I'm housewife I think twice to buy any costly outfits or costly items in general as I'm not working now..while working I would just go ahead n purchase as I had regular cash inflow.
    I have maid only for cleaning purpose, I can't give additional work to maid as its costs more and I'm expected to do stuff as I'm anyways sitting at home..cooks are also quite expensive and hiring full time cook isn't feasible now.
    Some chore or the other does come up and it takes up the time.
    It's not easy to live with In laws 24*7 in general
    Cooking also only to some extent husbands appreciate..it's not the priority , a woman who is financially independent and contributes to household is equally attractive. Cooking work can be outsourced also.
    Husbands are unpredictable..your husband may initially appreciate u..sooner or later you will hear the dialogue "anyways u are sitting at home the entire day, what are you doing/what do u do all day, you anyways free" etc.
    U want to spend time with child..do it. Take a job with flexibility and WFH options.
    And mother is mother..grand mom is grand mom. Grandma can't take place of mom. Kids are smart enough to understand that don't worry.
    If there is an option of doing part time job pls explore that. It maybe a good solution right now.
     
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  9. mcutiepie

    mcutiepie Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks ladies for sharing your experiences.. Even I am not planning to be a complete housewife forever. I am thinking to take a break and then will see how it goes. If things are manageable then I will try to find a WFH job/freelancing and if it does not work, I will start giving tuitions to kids.

    I cannot do all this right away as our home is very much into control of MIL now. Like during my maternity break, since I was home I was able to have a maid for dusting and washing clothes (we still have) even my MIL was not in favour. Now also, my aim is to set up a full time maid or equivalent, to do same I need to be home, need to take control of kitchen and other things. Once I achieve that, I can do some home set up. Yes we get impacted financially, but I have savings for myself. If all this does not work, I will look out for part time jobs or some business set up.

    From last 2-3 years, again and again I have this though of quitting and because of all above mentioned points I am not able to do so. And again being a possessive and extra caring mom, when I see my son not growing as per my expectations, I feel bad. When I saw him so happy and satisfied during weekends/off, I eventually feel what am I achieving by my career. Am I so selfish? My mom was also working and at that time we had financial liabilities and she did not had a choice. Due to that, I always missed much of her time. I always missed her listening to my school stories and other things. Though the struggle my parents has done for us cannot be described in words, the way they started from zero and attained a good life style, provided us good education, everything. But that one factor keeps poking me that I don't want my kid to feel similar way.

    Lets see how it goes.. All d best to me :)
     
  10. Rakshini

    Rakshini Silver IL'ite

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    Hi mcutiepie
    I can understand that when you missed your mom very badly and so you wanted to give that moms affection which you were longing for
    But don't get emotional at this point of time.just bcos your mom was working you were financially OK and well settled.just few things doesn't matter much.
    Our children will definitely love us,it doesn't depend on the time we spent with them.unconditional love.so don't worry about that.
    He s safe hands,so u need not worry about coming late or if he is sick etc.he will be taken care of well.its a bliss.howmany women leave their kids in daycare.?
    Coming to your husband s complaints,it ll not stop even if you cook.it will be a different complaint.6.45 s too early so for working women it's definitely not possible to cook for him.mil s will not accept cook so let her cook as long as she s healthy.full day rest so let her cook.just ignore his words.
    wfh can be a good option for short duration.but I am sure you ll notike to work from home.
    Mil and hubby should not be a reason for you leaving your job.but if you want to take care of your kid,spend time with him etc then you can stay at home.
    My choice s to continue to work
     

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