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How To Make Friends At Work

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by ChennaiExpress, Feb 20, 2018.

  1. ChennaiExpress

    ChennaiExpress IL Hall of Fame

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    I don't know how to make friends in real life

    There are these Indian ladies, married with kids around my age who work in same organization (different division). They are from India and have been in US for 10-15 years

    They noticed me about 2-3 years ago when they saw that I paint Indian-theme subjects either at coffee shop or office mess hall

    I don't look Indian, ppl think Im Spanish or Jewish, so it's not like they were ignoring me before they saw I am good painter, they just didn't know I am also Desi, 2nd generation.

    Nowadays I paint at my desk during lunch because I am scared some mean coworkers may give my painting in progress the evil eye (this actually happened, had to start painting again from scratch). Even some ladies on IL mentioned don't show true feelings, emotions, poetry, artwork to strangers till I feel they are good people, hence I stay at desk.

    However because I am at my desk during lunchtime, I dont see those ladies. Maybe I see them in ladies room, or hallways.

    Question, how do I be friendly with them? How to offer to take them out to lunch maybe once a month (rest of time I rather paint).


    All I can do is email photo of my painting when it is complete. And if someone really really loves my painting, I can give it to them.

    When I mentioned to Dad that one of the ladies visits same temple in Andrah that he does, Dad said definitely I should be their friend.

    They seem like nice ladies, how to do this?
     
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  2. MonikaSG

    MonikaSG Platinum IL'ite

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    Its not always possible that the friends remain with us up to the time we feel comfortable. You may have to give up your lots of time and privacy to earn their friendship.
    If you really want to make them friend then just tell them I too like to join you and call me when you go out for a break.
     
  3. Vandhuamma

    Vandhuamma Silver IL'ite

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    Try talking to them, start with a hi... R u from India?? Which place in India?

    This is enough to initate a conversation. People just start saying the good things in thier place and about current political scenerio there...
    Try saying u support the ruling party....:biggrin::biggrin: people will talk with you for hours and hours to impose thier opinions on u :argue:
    Last sentence was a joke :facepalm:
     
  4. ChennaiExpress

    ChennaiExpress IL Hall of Fame

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    Ohhhhh ...

    Time and privacy .... I do need that nowadays

    I like the idea of asking to join them when they are taking break. Will bring that up in a conversation.
     
  5. ChennaiExpress

    ChennaiExpress IL Hall of Fame

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    Hahahahahahahahahahahah, LOL that made my day

    :roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:
     
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  6. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    You can make friends by interacting with other human beings.
    Then only you kind of see who is that like-minded person who can be your friend among so many others.
    Then depending on your and that other person's comfort level, you both assign each other a role as a friend, a best friend or just as an acquaintance.

    Being rigid or close minded will only hinder your attempt to get friends. Because no one want to interact with such closed people.

    You say that you are an American, and 2nd Gen desi living in the US. But your attitude and the way of life seems more of an Indian village girl.
    I am not taking note from this post alone, but several of your older posts.

    The way you believe in evil eyes, black magic, and so many other social issues, and hence they way how you conduct yourself in such a way that is very different from your modern looks.
    Such conflicting combo may be another barrier. people get confused, and feel uneasy to be friend with you.

    Since you paint well, take it as a mode of communication.
    It is an advantage actually...

    Do paint in public, so others can get attracted and come to you, including those Indian ladies.
    Start your first point of interaction from there.
    Speak about these paintings, as well speak about each other a little bit during then.
    Eg: Where are you living, how many kids do you have, and if possible a tiny paining/gift for their kids etc
    And then slowly interact further by asking how do they like your painting? How do their family like it?
    And of course share each other's mobile no/address... and continue the relationship even virtually.
    Don't overdo anything, but make it simple and casual.

    Unless you feel comfortable and close enough with each other, keep this relationship just formal only.
     
  7. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    @ChennaiExpress You always come across as a very sweet and emotional person, I'm sure you willbe able to make good friendships in office once you open up properly to anyone. Start with coffee machine conversations, once you start interacting with them regularly, they might invite you to job them.
    Don't be scared of evil eye, but neither you have to share your paintings from your side before you get close. That doesn't mean hide your paintings - just find other things to connect upon. They probably feel you are introvert painter and may not like to roam around with them. First be interactive enough when you meet them in ladies' rooms, hallways before asking out for lunch.
     
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  8. ChennaiExpress

    ChennaiExpress IL Hall of Fame

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    Thank you so much.


    I see evil eye more as evil energy. Perhaps being fearless is best antidote to evil eye.


    Will work to be more interactive enough when I meet them.
     
  9. ChennaiExpress

    ChennaiExpress IL Hall of Fame

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    I was open-minded, friendly, and attracted lot of scary gorillas at work. They pawed and clawed at me, hence I had to retreat for safety.

    Even several ladies on IL warned be about opening up too soon.

    One even said "Open one button at a time"

    One button at a time

    America is a diverse country with people of all walks of life and thinking.

    Not just those portrayed on movies and TV.

    Nothing wrong with being Indian village girl. Sometimes I think being a US city girl makes one disconnected from nature. What with the skyscrapers, pavements and all, how does one walk barefeet on the Earth.

    The same Earth that baby Lord Krishna put in his mouth?

    It is the diverse villages that make up India. Villages different in their own way, yet combine to make up the good parts of India

    Even Sai Baba series shows Sai Baba amongst the villagers, helping them through their problems.

    Sometimes old is gold

    Old is gold

    Certainly you should read my thread "Welcome to Wild Ride on Choo Choo Train"

    I do believe evil eyes and black magic have scientific basis. After all it is energy.

    Large Hadron Collider shows that energy creates atoms that smashed into each other and created the Universe

    Energy creates Matter


    That's the only thing I can do right now. It puts me at ease


    I wish I can paint out there. I'm still traumatized. I will try though soon enough. I will take my Starbucks coffee, paints and go there during my break.


    One of the ladies gave me a beautiful photo of old painting. I was thinking of painting that next.

    Was unsure if I should gift it to her. I'd be happy to, but was concerned I am overdoing it.

    I do like the idea of gifting a painting to their kids


    Yes, I'll start with formal.
     
  10. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    Take it slow. Smile and say hi the first time you see them. Next time you can say “ I see you ladies around, which dept are you from “ and take the conversation from there and maybe you can suggest going out for coffee during lunch break. You don’t have to take them out for lunch nor should you gift paintings to anyone so soon. Gift them your paintings once you know them well.

    Respect your art and your capabilities . Not everyone will value the time and effort you put in. I paint too and am very particular about who I gift them too.

    Be confident , don’t reveal your weaknesses to anyone. Specially when you start being friends .

    Also be prepared for the possibility that things might not click after the first coffee. If that happens don’t feel disheartened or blame yourself.

    take care !!
     
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