1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

A Match Not Matched.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by paru123, Feb 19, 2018.

  1. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    7,663
    Likes Received:
    23,148
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    Op....a good connect with his mother and sister is not the reason to marry. You did not connect with him .
    And there should not be any guilt because either ways,the horoscopes excuse was used.

    I also do not understand why looks should be discounted when
    looking for a match or why one should feel guilty about choosing the one who you find more attractive.

    Marriage is a union between a man and woman and sexual attraction is a big part of it.
    In arranged marriages where people do not have the time to find out the inner beauty of a person,outer beauty and attractiveness is the second best way to decide. Atleast the physical attraction box is ticked off.

    Beauty means different things to different people and there is no need to be guilty about choosing what you find attractive.
     
  2. Gouri9

    Gouri9 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    65
    Likes Received:
    229
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    I second that..I like her @Sandycandy attitude..
     
  3. ChennaiExpress

    ChennaiExpress IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,183
    Likes Received:
    2,096
    Trophy Points:
    300
    Gender:
    Female
    This thread is quite helpful to me.

    In the past I rejected so many proposals because I simply did not need these boys, nor was I the slightest bit attracted to them. On the other hand, because of Indian culture, many of the prospects behaved as they were superior because they came from boy's side.

    For past few days I was looking at those innocent days when doing matrimonial alliance thinking, what if I would have chosen X-Y-Z instead of my ex.

    This thread and the responses and quite helpful and eye-opening.
     
    abla, MonikaSG, Sandycandy and 2 others like this.
  4. Sangeeta85

    Sangeeta85 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    584
    Likes Received:
    368
    Trophy Points:
    138
    Gender:
    Female
    I should appreciate my rasam too..
    what a funny but a correct analogy
     
  5. paru123

    paru123 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    415
    Likes Received:
    377
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks again to everyone for the inputs. Loved the tomato and rasam comparison. And also fully agree with the attraction part mentioned by yellow mango. I too fully believe that our partners entry into our life should be like the song, tu Ne maari entry aur , dil main baji ghanti hain tan tan tan.....

    Unfortunately with him the ghanti didn't ring in the first and last meeting.
     
    yellowmango and Sandycandy like this.
  6. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    5,951
    Likes Received:
    11,411
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    Unless you are not happy in your marital life, I don't see a need for such a long description about your past encounter with the other guy here.
    It happens....
    I don't know how many proposals I must have rejected in the past.
    You know that I had a secret crush on my H since my early 20s, and then we were dating for nearly 5 years before we tied the knot.
    In between, my parents had looked for many matches without knowing my relationship status (as it was kept secretly), so each time I used to reject citing various reasons.
    I don't even remember who were those guys my parents were seeing for me.
    But now a days, my mom remember those days whenever she sees or hears about those men.
    One of them is the dad of my son's best friend in School ;)
    So, it happens!!! Take it easy...

    What is there to feel guilt for rejecting a guy whom you think is not a good match?
    Specially what is there to feel bad if the horoscope wasn't matching?
    There wasn't any promises to feel bad here.
    There wasn't any personal interaction either, not even dating or chatting....
    It was just another bride seeing, which you may have experienced several times before fixing in with your H.
    Would you feel the same for each and every guy who came to see you then?

    I think the human brain compares and get confusions when they feel low about their self - in this case, your brain might feel low about the choice of your marriage life for whatever the reason; hence this comparison about the other guy's looks, economy and life.

    With time, everyone gets married and settled with their own life. We get to live with what is destined for us.

    When you meet him the next time, just go ahead and greet him. Introduce your family to him, and wish him good life.
    He is not your ex. So, your feelings have no meanings
     
    paru123 likes this.
  7. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    930
    Likes Received:
    1,526
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    There is no evidence to show why this guy is better than your husband.. seeing him from far at a function doesn't give any idea about him or how he really is. You have illusion about him. Everything is projected perfect from outside- but I fail to see a single evidence why you should feel any regret or comparision.

    On the other hand you are having regrets about your marriage that makes you think "what-if", analyse properly
    what is missing in your marriage and work on it. Time cannot be turned back, sometimes it's for the better.Like @yellowmango said above, we take good looks for granted if we get it easily, for those who cannot get good looking partner- it becomes the most important thing.

    Better keep distance from him and his family and move on. Or it will lead to awkward situations.
     
    paru123 likes this.
  8. paru123

    paru123 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    415
    Likes Received:
    377
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks for the replies. Here in this case, there is no feelings or attachments whatsoever towards the other guy. Nor there is a comparison or dissatisfaction with my own marital life.

    The guy is a relative of my relative. So I think it was basic manners to go and talk to their family. Not to remind of the old proposal but a general chat enquiring about their well being since those people had come to our house and had tea. If not me, my mother should have done that courtesy talk.

    The guy is now married with family and so am I, and therefore should not have been an issue to introduce ourselves again. And also they don't know that we didn't like the boy as we had given the reason of horoscope mismatch. In a marriage function where we both families were present for more than four hours and happened to see each other so nearly, I feel I should gave gone and spoken to them. More so bcos there is a common relative who unintentionally share details of both families to each other once in two years.

    SGBV, how does your mother deal with your sons best friend father. I think it becomes more difficult for the elders when they are reminded of the past.
     
  9. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,317
    Likes Received:
    1,535
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    I have been in a similar situation, when a really handsome and really intelligent guy with whom my alliance was considered but couldn't proceed due to major horoscope issues and being same age was not ideal for me..from their end also there was objection as they wanted age difference of 3 years and he was doing further studies and he felt he was not settled enough or old enough to consider marriage that time..there was no bitterness,both sides amicably accepted the alliance wouldn't happen...and then we got other alliances,I met my DH and married him.. recently that guy got married, I happened to see the pics which were uploaded by a mutual relative. He looked good, and his bride was looking really slim and pretty..i confess to feeling really really envious of that girl, because of 2 reasons : first, I imagined what romantic moments she would be spending with the guy, he was looking even more handsome than he was earlier...damn! And secondly I saw her youthful and pretty look, I was reminded of myself many years ago, she looked a lot like what I was at that time..my wedding blouses don't fit me now, even if I hold my breath and pull my tummy in! Hehe.
    But that was a momentary feeling that came and went.
    I realised that to admire a smart and handsome guy is one thing, leading life with him is another thing..I do have enough problems in my married life..with DH and in laws..but I would not be doing justice to myself or to them by drooling over some other guy and imagining stuff that may or may not have happened..
    I did have some, in depth conversations with my close cousin also,nowhere she introspected about the past alliances and proposals she had got..and if she was right in marrying her present hubby etc.
    By thinking "what if" we tend to become over emotional and sentimental, it would be more practical to focus on present and future.
    But , easier said than done..Hehe.
     
  10. MonikaSG

    MonikaSG Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    664
    Likes Received:
    1,006
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    Third :beer-toast1:
     
    Sandycandy likes this.

Share This Page