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Calling My Parents To Usa And Ego Clash Wid Husband Help Plz

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Prabh, Feb 16, 2018.

  1. Prabh

    Prabh New IL'ite

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    Hi all
    Thanks for replying always when needed
    Please help in this matter

    Little bit of background
    Last year in 2017 my in laws visited in June July and as planned earlier this year in 2018 my parents are going to visit US as this was already planned earlier only.
    Everyone knows this my in laws my husband and we have been discussing i mean my husband and I always discussed months etc around when my parents are going to visit and all the planning.
    My husband also seems to be so excited that my parents are going to visit and they will be here for 2-3 months.

    But in mean time my brother always travels to US in around may June so my husband was always saying that lets plan with him only so that parents are not alone while travelling .I got his point that he is caring and wants company of parents and that too their own son.
    But I always was bit hesitated when he told my brother that let us know your dates of June when you are coming and we will plan mom dad trip accordingly. Because I know his company will let know the dates very early and we will be late to book tickets for mom dad as well.

    So one fine day when he was again asking my brother an dates i just said in irritating tone in sign language to my husband that why u want to wait for him and why you are asking and depending on him again and again.
    On this we had a fight that i alwyas become irritated from last 3 months when ever he asks my brother so now I am not going to deal with this matter you decide dates etc and plan the trip.
    I explained him it was not intentional and it was just out of excitement that we should book tickets and nothing personal.
    But he was stubborn and said nothing ab this topic and said not to talk ab this with him.
    I never tried as well.
    It's being one month and we had not talked about this topic and he is also quiet .meanwhile i asked my brother and he told me dates of his plan to be in US in June and I now know the dates for him but have not disclosed it to my husband .

    So please help me how should I start this topic again with him.
    It's his nature that he is stubborn and egostic in some matters and sometimes he cab change his decision when I have to plead and stay sorry millions of time.

    But in this case as my parents are involved i don't want my self respect to be down as it will be always on my head i forced him to bring them here now for 2_3 months .
    I don't want he or my parents shd not be comfortable by living here.

    I want he shd be normal enough again ab this topic and take the decision himself again as he was earlier excited for this trip.
    Please pour suggestions how i can bring this topic again and start conversation and bring gud output as i don't want to fight and argue and make bad memories for this trip planning.
     
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  2. joylokhi

    joylokhi Platinum IL'ite

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    Since your husband has been enquiring with your brother for the dates of his visit so that your parents can travel with him, you can ask your brother to directly talk to your husband saying his dates have been finalised, and we can book the tickets after arriving at a convenient date etc. Based on his feedback or from your husband you can act accordingly. All the best:thumbsup:
     
  3. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    Possible to ask your brother to call your hubby and confirm the dates, since he had asked him before ??

    N if your hubby starts talking about this to you, just behave normal.
     
    sindmani likes this.
  4. mahiramki

    mahiramki Gold IL'ite

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    He only asked your brother so I don't think any problem will come
    Ask your brother to call n say as you asked earlier here are the dates ...
    Hope your parents n u enjoy the trip
    Lots of positive energy for you
     
  5. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Mistake #1. Do not argue in sign language, when he cannot respond.

    Mistake #2. Don't make dates deciding, ticket booking such a long elaborate process. You do it yourself.

    Use the suggestion give above by members - have your brother talk to him. Or, you simply tell husband matter-of-factly that you have picked some dates. And you book the tickets. Keep your tone calm. If he says anything, let it go.

    After whoever books the tickets, don't keep going on about the upcoming trip between now and June. About 2-3 weeks before their arrival, naturally enthusiasm will increase and you can do the arrangements with help from husband.
     
  6. GoneGirl

    GoneGirl Gold IL'ite

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    Hi @Prabh,

    Its nice to read about a guy that shows enthusiasm about his inlaw’s visit home.

    I don’t see any harm in doing what makes him happy, be it an apology or friendly chat to let him know that you are sorry that your words hurt him.. but you appreciate his efforts in planning your parents’ trip. I think this would go a long way in making sure your parents trip is a better one.
     
    Sandycandy likes this.
  7. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    Hold on tight to your spouse ! He is a rare species !
    A) excited about IL’s visiting
    B) Planning their trip and booking tickets
    C) wants to make their travel comfortable
    D) gets along well with the wife’s brother

    He is worthy of an apology !
     
    abla, charanya147, mahiramki and 2 others like this.
  8. Bhaskaran

    Bhaskaran Silver IL'ite

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    Why not you ask your brother to book the ticket ? it will be easy to him to accompany his parents when he visit to US. in case if you are going to spend the money for them than pay to your brother in advance and ask him to book the ticket for your parents.
     
  9. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    I think this will create unnecessary confusion.. if you are inviting your parents , better you should book the tickets. Him booking tickets and you transferring money doesn't look good as he is also their own child. It will be unnecessarily awkward.

    As for your husband, I don't think he's wrong in any way - he comes across as sweet. Don't create unnecessary complications around your parents' visit. Few son-in-laws are excited about wife's parents' visit. So don't spoil the atmosphere. If the whole process goes very smoothly and pleasantly, he will look forward to it again.

     
  10. Hana2018

    Hana2018 Bronze IL'ite

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    Its feels nice to read that your husband is excited for his in laws visit. try to initiate talk from your side, be sorry for your words and appreciate his efforts. tell your brother to inform his dates directly to you husband.
     

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