Guilt To Initiate Divorce

Thank you @ChennaiExpress and @MalStrom

@Sandycandy - It's really tough, especially since it feels to unnatural to want something more than the typical material conveniences of marriage. It's hard to put it into words without hurting people's feelings. Thank you for your kind words.

 

I don't feel guilt for initiating or even not supporting my husband, I think it's the right choice. I've realized that I've already checked out, and just going through the motions. Its just that I easily forget or forgive people, especially when they seem so earnest about changing (crying and making the effort to do the right things). But how many times do I need to be burned before I leave? It's embarrassing how many times.

@Vandhuamma - You are so right about the trap. It's so comfortable and safe, that you can even delude yourself that you would be happy there, even without the crucial emotional connections in marriage. I'm glad I have accepted that I don't need that type of stability, because it was really the only reason I stayed this long.

I have avoided talking to my in-laws about this (or much else) though. I simply don't think I can make them understand.

 

Hi @silentlistener. Interestingly, once I became serious about leaving and said so to my husband (I had a bag packed and even started the legal stuff), he has completely flipped around - trying to be the person that I had always wanted/needed him to be. It's a bit jarring, and I was very uncomfortable with the change, the first 2 weeks. I still don't "love" my husband, but now that the home is more pleasant to live in, and the husband is trying to right all the wrongs of 3 years - i am willing to give him a chance. We are in the process of moving to a different city, so maybe the change of place will help that stick - if not, I am in a better place than I was 3 years ago (or even 3 months ago), I can always get my current job back (I have a good relationship with them), and live a perfectly moderate life if I wanted to. Had I not seen the potential for change (started treating my friends with respect, doesn't expect all my attention during my family events, doesn't demand that I do something - instead also does his share, controls anger and harsh words), I would be out of here. We'll see how things go. I'm going to be optimistic about it.