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Disgusting Married Life

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Kempu, Feb 5, 2018.

  1. lavani

    lavani Platinum IL'ite

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    Audio does not count as per law. Sorry dear. not trying to act smart. My neighbor, wife is very very abusive. he told my hubby that he has audio. but checking the legal forums it does not count .

    please install a baby cam or video camera.
     
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  2. Sangeeta85

    Sangeeta85 Gold IL'ite

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    Ohh no .op needs help any suggestion is good for her..
    That's what I said record or atleast audio but audio does not work as u know then she needs to get video...
     
  3. Kempu

    Kempu New IL'ite

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    Yes I know I have only 2 options as y said either stay with him with all abuse or walkout ..

    But he started scaring me that if complaint police he will kill all my family members I dint know if he is saying out of control .. am just scared to complaint police keeping in mind my kids n other family members ..

    I dint know what to do .. how can we save our lives if some one holds grudges against you not letting me to either leave this marriage or stay in in the marriage ..

    I see these kind of sadist only in pictures never thought I will be the one victim ..
     
  4. Kempu

    Kempu New IL'ite

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    No this is my first post though I new this site referred by my co sis who is 2 years elder ..

    My bil also tortured her a lot she got divorce 2 years back ..they have 1 kid only now she is unable to manage here due to health issues now they r not allowing her to leave the country she wants to go back to India .. bil is saying she can't take kid she is suffering a lot as she can't leave kid here ..I am helpless at that time when she was in troubles I tried to take her side but my husband shut my mouth saying I will divorce u if u take her side ..

    So am scared of that situation my husband is saying kids r US citizens I can't take them to India if I take them he will put a kidnap case ..If I can take divorce I want kids with me I will move to India I can't manage two young kids alone here and am scared he may attack us .. I will plan to live some where in India without informing any one ..
     
  5. lavani

    lavani Platinum IL'ite

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    i know .your intentions are good. it is just the way law is. added my 2 cents
     
  6. lavani

    lavani Platinum IL'ite

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    I am really sorry for your situation. But considering today times, you should be the one who should be least scared right now.

    here is a real life example, my class mate who lives in texas . he is US citizen, good man. with hard work he has created a good fortune for his wife and kids. Had only 1 issue, he is a real miser in small stuff like buying water when house is near. Long story short. His wife is abusive, had severe inferiority complex. She went after 15 years of marriage and slept with her coworker . then when my class mate came he was devastated. this did not stop. She then went ahead and filed for divorce. now after 1 year. he lost his family. Half of his assets. over that she did not stop. she is fighting for close to 70% custody ofkids. so that is 2 visits every alternate week.

    why i am saying this. not to make you feel good or bad. but the truth is law favor women better here.

    your marriage is over. you can live in your mind that something will happen but i feel no.

    next is survival mode. What is your VISA. Are your in H4 ead. After divorce is final. Your visa is not valid anymore. YOu have to return to india. So if you do take that path. make sure your company can help you do a transfer or work in india. or start making contacts to get job. you can start from 0 and still make a future. he has to prove a lot to get kids custody , not the otherwise.

    now you need to start documenting stuff. it is like a diary. get baby cam. I know audio is much valid, but do that too. please do for next few months. next time he hits you. Call the police. show the documentation. then file a restraining order. HE cannot do anything.

    then the divorce , again collect information. he had to give child support or may be alimony depending upon your salary . share 50% of his assets.

    if he threatens in india. section 548 or something can done.

    remember it is not hard to live alone. when you strong internally. and most important is JOB.

    i am not a legal person. how do i know, my neighbour he is like my brother. he is other side like you. his wife beats him just because he said to take off 1 day as he had a meeting. He cries and tells that he cannot file divorce as he will loose custody of kids and cannot see them dialy.

    SO DEAR YOU ARE WAY BETTER. PLAN YOUR EXIT WELL.
     
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  7. lavani

    lavani Platinum IL'ite

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    actually i take that back. i am very sorry. these laws are quite confusing. i would suggest take recordings, but produce only after consulting with legal.
     
  8. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    I don't know if you are ready to leave your husband, but what you have written scares me. I think you should first reach out to find an organization (women's shelter) near you, for women in similar situation like you. They would have resources to leave the home safely, get affordable legal resources, and can even place you in secure place so that your husband cannot track you. If you are not ready to leave, at the least, they can give you information about what you need to prepare yourself.

    Your safety is at risk. If you suffer an head injury, how can you expect to raise your girls? How can you depend on this man to take care of your girls if you were not there? I'm not trying to be harsh, but your children's future is in your hands. This type of abuse can very well lead to something much more serious. Why do you fear that your husband can hurt your family in India?
     
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  9. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    Hugs to you dear. Very scary situation.Be very careful. Your dh dont deserve you. Living alive is more important than house or money. What is the message you give to your daughters by staying in abusive marriage. Is it OK. Your kids will be affected more than you imagine in this situation. But they are small. The agony in their mind and the harm it do is more than we think. They need you. So try to get out of this marriage if you want them to lead a normal life.

    What is your visa status ?

    Stay strong . Calm down. Try to avoid any abuse as much as you can, explore well (in hidden
    incognito mode). Plan your exit..

    So much information is there in internet. Do your homework first. Don't be scared to call 911 if your life is in danger.

    He saying that "he will only initiate divorce" to create a bad impression on you and to boost his ego that he is the one who left you. He is ashamed to say that you left him because of abuse.

    "he won't give me anything so I have to beg with my kids if I leave him .. " It is wrong. In USA, after divorce all money will be shared 50-50% and you may get more. If you are a US citizen, it is better to file in USA

    He is scared that you may walk out. That is why he is saying that he will kill everyone. It is a tactic used by an abuser to silence his victim.

    Dont be a victim. Be a survivor . It is your life. Think well and decide.

    Take care


    Building Your Case: How to Document Abuse - The National Domestic Violence Hotline
    Preparing Your Case | WomensLaw.org
    Divorcing from an Abusive Spouse: What You Need to Know
     
    Last edited: Feb 6, 2018
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  10. sgandiva

    sgandiva Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Kempu,

    Is there a way to act nice to him and plan your vacation to India along with your kids? Think smart, I know it's easy said than done but I do feel sometimes that thinking smart will really help us resolve some issues rather than being emotional..plan something smart that would land you/kids safe in India..once gone, you can do whatever you need to do..

    Dear Ladies,
    Will it be a problem to go back India with kids and file for Divorce in India?
     

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