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Disgusting Married Life

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Kempu, Feb 5, 2018.

  1. Kempu

    Kempu New IL'ite

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    hello ladies am in deep trouble need your advice ..

    Little background about me married for 7 years living in US having 2 daughters work full time ..

    My husband is very abusive oral n physical too .. initially I informed about his behavior to parents they said adjust so years gone in adjusting he never changed n the level of his abuse is increasing ..

    I work at office at home he never helped me but always criticizes me finds faults here n there .. am tired of this relationship ..

    I earn but he has my account details which he never gives me so all the money goes to his account all I have is a credit card i.e. I will spend once or twice a year not more tan 100$ he needs bill to show what I ate in case I forget my lunch box or can't prepare .. all I sucked bciz of my daughters bciz I don't have a money no home here or in India ..

    He torched me to death when am pregnant with second daughter bciz he wants son .. now he is saying he will go for IVF for boy ..

    I really want divorce I know my family won't support me but how can I survive with my two daughters one is 5 one is 1 in this country with a small job i.e. Enough for home rent n school fees .. am crying feeling like I have to die .. but what happens to my kids ..? He will marry again .. ladies help me I dint have supper money place .. yest day he hit me hard with baby walker on my head I am scared of calling 911 since he told he will make my life hell if I call police .. am bearing the pain for my kids they are crying looking at me ..

    If am with him my kids gets nice home as he is planing to buy a home here n a home n India gold n all few are bought with my money but he is saying he won't give me anything so I have to beg with my kids if I leave him ..

    Tell me what to do bear all for my kids or walk out with no support n money where we will stay also I don't know ..
     
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  2. Sangeeta85

    Sangeeta85 Gold IL'ite

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    Dear op.. get the picture of the physical abuse n save it..
    u have to call 911 n don't be scared bcz he can't do a thing .. before u do all this gather as many possible evidence u can against him the torch he is giving u..
    Keep your passport with u ..
    In USA u will get the kid n even in India the kids go to mom until n unless the mom is drugy and jail..
    Get strong no use staying in this marriage u are earring if possible go back India if not USA is good place too u doing all by urself..
    Gal it's time for u now to get out of that hell ...be strong for ur kids if god forbid something happens to u what abt ur kids.. u said he will marry then what .. will he care for ur daughters?? No ..
    Call 911 n get help
     
  3. Kempu

    Kempu New IL'ite

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    Thank you for your words .. how can I save physical abuse .. he hits me on my head where I suffer with headache for days.. or twists my hand hits on my back where it's not a bruise i.e. Visible .. and he started saying he will only initiate divorce which is good n he is lying like I tried to harm kid with knife so that I won't get kids custody .. i want my kids I can't live without them .. and for proof he is using his mother she will lie n say I tired to harm my kid .. but my kid can say truth will they consider what she says n she can speak Telugu only not fluent in English . I want my kids with me I dint want money or Property .. I will leave India n live safely with my kids ..
     
  4. Desiindian

    Desiindian Gold IL'ite

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    OP, You are misleading your daughters. do you need to endure all such nonsense from ur dh for a Nice house over peacefull life? Your daughter are growing up looking at you. If you continue to take this kind of abuse, they will growup thinking money is all and everything in life. If you cannot manage with your income in US, come back to india and find a job here. Your married life lacks love and respect. Don't surrender your self respect for a property.
     
    shravs3, zeppelingirl and Sandycandy like this.
  5. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    Kempu, see the link below for organizations in the US that help indian victims of domestic abuse . Please seek their advice on how to proceed ahead carefully. Meanwhile make sure the husband is not aware of your plans ( browse in private mode ) and delete any search history .
    Please Take care.
    Meet the NCSO | SAALT
     
  6. Parry22

    Parry22 Silver IL'ite

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    First of all you need to make up your mind. You sound confused. Make it clear to yourself about what you want.
    1. Do you want to leave him?
    2. Do you want to bear the abuse for the sake of your kids?

    If you choose option 2 ,then continue with your suffering (i am not being mean, i'm just saying there is no other option other than suffering the abuse)

    If you choose option 1 , you need to make a plan.
    Step 1 - Make a journal or note of all that you have suffered with date (approximate will do) , if possible take photos or any sort of recording. If he is abusing your kids then make a record of that as well. When you have proof even the cops won't be able to let him free. As it is , its US not Indian police that you can give 1000 rupees and get bail. US laws especially when it comes to women's safety and abuse.
    Step 2 - Make a record of all your assets and finances. What do you own, what does your husband own. How much have you made in the past few years that you did not even get to use because your husband controls all your finances. This way the court will be able to do justice to you financially and let you keep your earnings of the past few years.
    Step 3 - Then when the opportunity is right, inform the right authorities. Either cops or social services or a lawyer along with all the proof.

    I would highly recommend reading how Katie Holmes planned her divorce and separation. She was also mentally/emotionally abused and controlled. But she made a strategy which was best for her and her daughter.
     
  7. Sweety2016

    Sweety2016 Gold IL'ite

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    @ Kempu, Are you IL's old member lakshmipav? I remember her to be in a similar condition as yours a year back when she was pregnant with a girl baby for the 2nd time.

    @ Kempu your post is highly painful and I cannot even explain in words what your kids would be going through. Poor souls! But you have the power in you to transform their lives into a better one. Please for god's sake leave that demon husband of yours..Hitting on the head that too with a walker might lead to serious trauma in the brain and can even lead to your death. Who will take care of your daughters if you are gone? You are the only person who can lift your daughters from this scum and save them..Society will do nothing and nor your husband. So please consider leaving that so called home safely and then take necessary legal action. Money home property etc and all doest matter compared to you..a mother of two young dependant girls! You are the most precious..
    See you have a job and dont feel doubtful of whether you can manage. It will be hard initially but you will find out ways to make it better as time goes and once you become mentally strong..At the end of the day sleeping peacefully and safely with your daughters is all that matters. Take a deep breathe and calmly look into the links provided by other Ilites. If there is any Indian support groups nearby call them and ask for help. Something should click..But please try..
    There is no single positive reason for you to be with him..Disgusting creep wants a son through IVF..URgh!! blood boils..will rot in hell!
     
  8. Sangeeta85

    Sangeeta85 Gold IL'ite

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  9. Sangeeta85

    Sangeeta85 Gold IL'ite

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    Take the pic immediately .at the back ask ur daughter ..
    let mil lie but ur kids will tell the truth..
    can you record the abuse if possible.. atleast audio
     
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  10. kalpas

    kalpas Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi

    I am very sorry to read about your situation.

    I feel there is no point in your continuing in this relationship. He has no right to physically abuse you. As suggested by other ladies make a plan for how to deal with your life.

    1. Be strong. Don't. get scared .
    2. If you have friends in US, please take their emotional support. Discuss with them and take some help from them.
    3. Have a detailed write-up of all your earnings so far.
    4. He cannot control your accounts. Either it should have been a joint account where both of you are aware of each other's accounts or least you are in charge of your accounts.
    5. How old are your kids? Below a 5 ( I am not sure) mother gets the kids custody.

    Take the help of close friends in US and move on in LIFE. If a mother supports the wrong deeds of her son, the relationship is not worth it.

    You need to live the rest of your life. Being a working woman, definitely you can strat your life from scratch and take good care of your kids . You will definitely be a stronger single mom.
    Don't allow anyone to hurt you , be it physically or emotionally.

    Have faith in GOD and take the necessary steps.
    Good Luck
     
    shravs3 and Sandycandy like this.

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