Buying Peace Of Mind! Is It Worth It?

You are not too fond of MIL , that’s totally fine ! But what can you do about it so you stop detesting her more ?
Is living separately but close by an option ? Why not think about it ? If IL’s are active , moderately healthy and have a social life they can live by themselves .

Or live with her and stop catering to her demands, say the dreaded “NO”. Be prepared for all the loud drama, but start somewhere.

Good luck !

 

OP- everything you said about your PILs is overwhelming.You need some time out or you will get even more stressed out. Another thing you can do is take their attitude/behavior/actions with a pinch of salt. Laugh away or laugh with (at) them - who cares! Play some games. Next time she says you didn't inform her before stepping out, say 'I came to tell you but you were in bathroom/sleeping blah blah'. If you will do this 2-3 times , she will stop bothering.Atleast your husband understands their behavior and is not siding with them.It gets really difficult when husbands agree with their parents ,no matter what and treat the wives as mere subordinates.So see the bright side.Treat her like you would treat a very demanding child.About money, ask your Husband to save a portion of the income into another account as soon as he gets his pay check and that is not to be touched.Rest of it- use them as per your and your PILs needs.Go out , have fun. Next time, she needs to go somewhere and asks you whether you will be at home, say you have some work too. Make some excuse.

 

Why do you and husband give in each time ? Let her whine , let her shout. When she realizes that all that shouting is of no use she will shut up.
You seem really stressed, make sure to get out of the house and have other interests and not have MIL in your face 24/7.
Talk to the husband, tell him you have had enough. MIL either takes a backseat or can whine in a separate home.
And what is up with not being able to say no to her spending habits ? You are not only jeopardizing your future financially but also setting bad examples for the kids. They are growing up in a household with a loud dramatic dominant grandmother and helpless stressed unhappy bitter parents.
If the husband cannot talk you step in !

 

I am also in the same boat. Now i came out from the house.my fil and mil stays downstairs.we stay upstairs. But after coming out also we suffer lot. My hubby have to pay all expenses.so expenses raised doubly. So cant able to manage. We dont know what to do.

 

Op....the problem lies with you too.

When the driver joined their team,you should have just thrown him out period.Why do retired people need a new car when money is not lying around ?

Even if you had to buy ,why a sedan?
Why could two retired people not do with a small hatchback?
Why did you pamper them if you have loans to pay and kids to educate?
Where is your spine?
You are parents of kids who need to get education.
You are halfway through your earning life....why are you still catering to their whims and fancies.

If they expected you to pay for their seperate set up..why could you not just give them the money that you could afford and tell them to manage within that .

Even now,what do they do with their money?
What do they do with the money they earn from renting their house?

If your husband is not willing to bell the cat,you do it.

Make a list of the amount you have to pay back in loan.
Make a list of things you need to do for your children.The money you will need to do that.
Make a list for money you will need for getting them married.
Make a list of things you need to do for your retirement.

Show it to them and tell them to be considerate to their son who has growing children .

Ask them what they do with the rest.
Tell them to use that money to do the stuff you want.

Get your self a notice board.
Every time you step out...write it down on the board and go.
The less interaction you have with her ,the better.
Tell her to tone down her volume as you get headache from loud noises.

Play music in the house.Nice soft instrumental music.May be that will help dim the cacophony.

 

They have other children also .( From your post)
So why do you both only run around.
If they called relatives and neighbors..they are cribbing about all their children.
Why do you both run to cater to them?
Why do you only feel embarrassed by the drama ?Just tell people you can no longer deal with their extravagant lifestyle.
Call up the other siblings and tell them you need a break from the drama company .

You will of course get a bad name . Your husband will be called a bad son. You will be the bad dil. But you will have a life.