Husband Too Much Of Calls Affecting Married Life

Rihana · Jan 20, 2018

cutepoojitha said: ↑

If i say dont call too much he get offended, ...
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I feel for you. The time between 6pm and 9pm is such a premium time for a working couple with a little child. Subjecting such a young child to a daily video call at the cost of a delayed or skipped dinner, is very irresponsible of the dad.

You've tried telling him not to call so much. He himself has not changed the habit even after seeing child tired and too sleepy for dinner after call. So, some other strategy is needed.

Try to find a calm time and say something like -- "you like to talk with your parents and brother as you have so many memories, and you are able to relate to them even though living far away now. Let's give our child also memories like those. Since we spend only 2-3 hours awake with our child everyday, let us focus on him and our family at that time."

Suggest how he can cut down on the calls. Maybe Mon Wed Fri?

If that fails, become more firm in your discussions. Say that child needs a routine and that means finishing dinner on time. You really need to put foot down if your child is being away from you in the evening due to a video phone call. Even if you are doing chores, the child can be around you and get to be with you. He can play on the kitchen floor, even "help" you with the chores.

If that also fails, tell him he has to move the calls to another time or else. Many people talk to family daily. They call in the car on the way to/from work or after kids/spouse is asleep.

Can you get your pediatrician to help? Tell him/her the situation and maybe he can make your husband see some sense on what such a routine does to your child?

And yes, leave a sink full of dishes for him to clean, as suggested. If those are not done, leave them as is till he does them. Make sink and kitchen his job to clean.

The crux of the problem is that he gets away with those long calls in prime family time. Assign him chores, but tactfully. Not in a way that leads to more fights. Just tell him his tasks and leave it at that. If those are not done, ignore it. Order food from outside for a day or two. Wait for him to get to the dirty sink and kitchen. The telling him his tasks talk has to be done at a good time, preferably not when is about to start a call.

BhumiBabe · Jan 20, 2018

I think your husband it abusing phone time. Working parents have their hands full with evening work and prep for the next day, I am surprised that your husband has this much free time to chat. I assume it is because you are doing all the work by yourself.

There are 2 ways that I would handle it, depending on the day. If it is a normal day, during the call, I would ask hubby to set the table, wash the dishes, clean the countertops, etc. (Recently, I have gotten better at not doing them, even if I want to get the work done) Let him balance these chores, and if he still succeeds, let him feed the kid too. The other way, is the passive aggressive way, in which during the call, I would make my own calls to cousins, friends, siblings, etc. and leave it on speaker. If I can't find anyone else to talk to, I would put on the tv, and watch that (and fold the clothes, so i would look productive) during his phone call.

I totally understand how this would affect your toddler- so when the weather is good, I would advise you to take walks in the neighborhood with your kid. This could possibly reduce the phone time with in-laws.

There are times when I get very fed up, in that case, I would tell in-laws straight that we will call tomorrow. We have a lot of work and prep to do for tomorrow. Have a good morning! etc. *hang up* - this might cause a fight, but you could tell your husband to call, AFTER all the work is done.

Rihana · Jan 20, 2018

OP, on second thoughts, the only thing that will work is you join him and child in the calls. After the call ends, both jointly start the chores. If for a few days food is not ready and chores are still to be done when the call ends, he might learn.

Can you take this short term torture for potential long term gains of self-modification in husband's behavior?

BhumiBabe · Jan 20, 2018

Rihana said: ↑

OP, on second thoughts, the only thing that will work is you join him and child in the calls. After the call ends, both jointly start the chores. If for a few days food is not ready and chores are still to be done when the call ends, he might learn.

Can you take this short term torture for potential long term gains of self-modification in husband's behavior?
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This is diabolically very good advice. This is a great passive aggressive move.

priyajagadeesh · Jan 20, 2018

I see two main issues here
1. Exposing small child to unnecessary screen time and wifi radiation exposure on regular basis
How about following no electronic time before going to bed? Try to convince your DH citing health reasons and this will improve your family bonding.

2. DH not helping in chores.
You both work full time jobs and how come he get to relax and spend time with his mother while you do double work. I hate when husbands does this and sorry to say this but this happening because we(wife's) are not good at delegating tasks. You never complained about it?? What will happen on days when you are too tired too cook/have to finish office work??
I faced this issue and we had lot of fights. Later we both realized that i didn't delegate tasks to dh. we is willing to help me but only if i ask him. Now dh got to know how much i can handle or if i am stressed he will come and help without me asking.