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Advice To Handle A Workaholic Husband

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by AngelNew, Jan 14, 2017.

  1. AngelNew

    AngelNew Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Ladies I am back with another issue and that is how to deal with a workaholic husband who does not care with what is happening around him I have been stressed out a lot of problem in my family as my father had a heart attack and when I heard I was crying :cry::cry::cry: but after a while I went to the hospital but my father had gone better and when I called my husband to inform he did not pick his phone so I sent him a msg about it what had happened but he did not reply I was soo :rage::rage::rage::mad::mad: at that time that I cannot tell you all but when I came back and told him at night that such think happened as I was telling I became very emotional but he did not even try to console me He just asked is he good or not I said he is fine and he just went to sleep and I cried the whole night that how can he so insensitive towards my felling and just like that he went to his usuall routine other day and because of this I became angry and I have not talked to him for 4 days and it has no effect on him he goes to his work like nothing happened.
    How to make him realize his mistake. This below link is my other problem which I posted earlier
    How Is A Married Life With A Lawyer
     
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  2. AngelNew

    AngelNew Bronze IL'ite

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    No reply soo sad:(:(
     
  3. Sani12

    Sani12 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I am sorry your husband did not bother much about your dad. He is being totally insensitive about this major issue. The illness of a parent is a big thing for any one, especially a girl who has recently been married, like you. He should have shown some TLC (tender loving care) and taken an interest in all the details.

    But the reality and the fact is that some men are not programmed that way. They are very straight forward and non-emotional towards issues that don’t effect them directly. Maybe your husband is a bit distant and not very emotionally attached to you and your family yet. It happens in arranged marriages. Don’t worry – with time and some love you will be closer than ever. Till then take care of your dad and don’t over think about what your husband is saying \ not saying. Just accept your husband as he is. You can’t change him – so just accept his personality and try to work things around it in a way that keeps you happy.
    Hope your dad is well now. I know i am late in replying.
     
  4. zeppelingirl

    zeppelingirl Silver IL'ite

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    This happened to me as well.. the same day my mom & MIL fell sick.. I informed my husband through message, he just directly called his dad and asked the details, but never asked how my mom's health was. I thought atleast he would ask in person after coming home from work, but he was only busy taking care of his mom that whole evening. Expected me to take care of her as well, when he couldn't even ask how my mom's health was. I felt bad. extremely bad. cried myself to sleep that night. i didn't speak with him that day. he didn't bother and went bed. until this day i never asked him why he never showed any care for my parents but he wants me to take care of his own. selfish people.

    FYI my mom is pretty sick all time, high BP with vertigo, BP isn't going normal even with meds.. my MIL had some digestive problem that morning due to acidity.
     
  5. Brevity

    Brevity Gold IL'ite

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    Your husband is not emotionally involved. He does not see you as his companion. It is not about job pressure. Is he this way with his birth family. If so, you cannot change him. You need to decide if you are ok to live with this coldness all your life. You need to seek emotional warmth and love elsewhere.
     
    shravs3 and zeppelingirl like this.
  6. Sfdc

    Sfdc New IL'ite

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    Hi , I can see that your husband is being a little insensitive.he should have shown some concern but I have also seen that there are men out there who are not that close to wife's family and want to maintain some distance. I would like to let you know here that your parents are your responsibility .if your partner does things for them good,if not then don't expect too much from them.you can tell him that you would have liked it if you would have shown some concern but that's ok.dont drag it.Tell him how you felt and then get back to doing regular stuff.dont fight or cry for these things.dont expect too much from somebody else.but you please do all that you can to make sure that you father's health gets better.If possible ,you can go and stay with your father and take care of him pesonally.let your husband see how much you value your dad and he would do the same .
     
  7. September2015

    September2015 Bronze IL'ite

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    Trust me when you completely cut contact with his family (extreme case, I don't think your case is extreme torture for years?) my husband is now asking questions about my family several times a week now. I provide vague short answers, it bothers him but he says nothing and instead showed me photos of the kids in his family. I still don't ask about his. Before any of this he never made any kind of consistent effort with my family. I let it alone I didn't feel insulted or even irritated but I recognized it was hypocritical. Yet I still made effort with his family for years when he wouldn't even call mine by himself only because I figured it's what he needed. I thought to appease him. Only after I cut contact with his he called my mom for her birthday for the first time---5 years later. I know the agenda, he wants me to return to the way I was with his family. I will not. I even told him I know why he is doing it and he had the nerve to tell me "At least I'm trying" (5 years later I thought....) My parents even realized what he was up to and don't appreciate being used like that. He can do whatever concerning mingling, I don't expect him to be consistent-- as if a man can not do something for nearly 5 years straight---he may stop once he sees it is not producing the results he wants from me towards my in-laws. I could care less at this point. Why? If it's not from the heart why push it? It would be forced and fake and I never want that from any person---even if it does make me "look good". It would be empty.
     
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  8. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Op,your father had a heart attack and you are crying lying next to your insensitive husband.

    Why are you there instead of being home helping your mother deal with your father's health issue.
    If you show so little concern for your family,how do you expect your insensitive husband to do better.

    Go home. Tell your inlaws you want to spend some time with your parents and help your mom emotionally . Go. Be there for them .
    Be with the people who care for you . If you tie your happiness to your emotionally cold and unavailable husband,your life will be lonely and you will spend many days crying alone .

    Show your husband how much your family means to you. If he realizes ,good. If he doesn't then your parents get to know how much you care for them .

    Hope your dad gets better soon . Give him a big hug from our side.
     
  9. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Ouch ...old thread.
    Anyways ....that is what you should have done.
    Don' t depend on your emotionally unavailable husband . Stay close to your family.
     
  10. Mylifedream

    Mylifedream Junior IL'ite

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    Remember god every time
     

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