Should I Walk Out Of Marriage? Advice Plz..

You gave great advice, but I wish to clarify something.

It can be that the man is not attracted to the woman. Nowadays there is lot of visual stimulation in the form of scantily clad models, actresses, wide-spread p0rn that it is harder and harder for men to get aroused by an "ordinary" woman.


I'm not saying all men let their minds wander into this, but it is a possibility.

 

Please ask MIL how much she paid for the FIL to set things straight ?
In the near future , be prepared to be blamed for not producing a khandaan ka chiraag because your husband could not shower his love on you !

 

@Savi181
Be ready to hear from husband and inlaws that he will perform for getting you pregnant or that you can have a child through other ways with the help of fertility clinics.
Be ready to be made to feel bad for talking about ,' no sex' ,made to feel cheap for coming out in the open about it.

 

Get a job. Save money Your story is very similar to mine. Years 1-3 of marriage were tough he was constant micromanaging us $$$$ but never them. If you have no kids move out when you have enough. Read my posts. Hopefully driving is not a setback for you.
Here I am 6yrs later and nothing has changed greatly for the better. Change is slow INDIAN men are soft like butter for their families yet can without hesitation say no to their wife. It’s your in-laws who are materialistic, he’s projecting their flaws on you. Not fair. Stay away from his family. Don’t criticize what he gives them. Should he ask the reason for you being distant. Tell him the truth. “ I ask for 1 thing that is reasonable and I’m materialistic, they get a while you (he) wear old clothes....who’s materialistic here?” It all depends on what your limit is. If you feel you cannot bear your husbands treatment toward you and that your marriage is dead. Remove yourself AFTER you get a job and save. If only I had a time machine for my life....

 

They get a HOUSE is what I meant. I used an emoji and it didn’t show up....

 

Do things in a step by step manner. First focus on finishing your graduate studies. Prepare for GRE and enroll in a Masters program. That will set you up for a job and freedom within 1.5 to 2 years. Learn to drive and with each step you take you grow in confidence. Then give him ultimatum.

 

Sorry, I dont know if it is too late. Here are some simple things.

1. Guys do get a lower drive and testerosone due to stress. Bigger issue is if this is due to an underlying condition and not just stress. From what I guess, it is most likely stress. A guy who is trying too hard to live upto his parent's unrealistic expectation will be under massive stress. Not exactly a great situation to enter into matrimony. The key point is that guy can bounce back once he is out of stress and stress is not just financial condition but try-hard attitude. Underlying medical conditions are a bigger issue if they exist. Meaning, both of you need to discover what the situation is. Best starting point could be a two week long vacation in a thrifty place. Think Coorg or Goa OUT of season. Its not the place but privacy and time-alone with you. If he bounces back, its a good sign. If he does not then either the problem is elsewhere or sorry to say, the guy is not into you.

2. Folks see house as 'investment' --which is a funny idea. If you live into the house, its not investment because you cann't sell it. I know many folks get suckered into buying a massively expensive house with a stupid thinking of the house being an investment. It is not, its just a durable purchase. Your guy might have fallen into this trap too. In his mind he might be thinking that he is doing the right thing by investing in future, which sadly is not the case. Help him here and do not let the house become an albatross round his neck.

3. TV buying seems like a lovers quarrel. Seriously, if you want one TV, it can be a 300 dollars affair or less if you are not into something great! For a 1 BHK, i dont know why you will ever need a 65 inch kind of TV which are expensive. Plus you can get ones with minor issues for really cheap. I know in canada openbox sells really cool TVs for really less. Plus criagslist gives some really really cool deals. I mean, it should not be an issue, especially over a period of 3 months or so. Heck, I and Mrs Croc passed on TV and went for a really really cheap IPad Air so we can watch it in the blanket. More comfy, more fun. Its not as much of an issue if you folks sit down and try to solve this issue.

All in all I guess you guys need to chill a little bit, I see too much non-issues than the real issues. Give each other a try.

 

Hi.. issue is he does have erection but it doesn't last till the insertion point.
He is a complete teetotaller, never had any girlfriend, spiritual person. Issue is he lacks confidence in his personality and can't take a stand for him, easily falls into his parents trap.
I would still want him to improve.. rather than leave him.

 

Spend generously? Now we have no savings thanks to in-laws “needs”and “emergencies” coming first. Same here nothing was spent on the wife during the first year—- I spent from my own savings. 2 mo before our marriage (we were engaged they didn’t care and took it anyway) they took more than 10lakh and it didn’t stop there—then at 1.5 years of marriage DH bought them a condo in India. What is DH left with? CC debt and loans!
Then SIL came and 1 lakh to pick up a car that was in DH insurance then SIL asking for CC# and I couldn’t take it anymore. Read my posts. They never allowed us as a newly married couple any peace.
Once they get used to getting whatever they expect, you’ll see the response when you try to curtail the amount of creativity and money. I’ve learned give a cm and they’ll expect km non-stop. I know you mean well, but I hope I am wrong about your in-laws. I fear I am not since you say they like what you have done for them...they stood with you as 3mo newly weds....yikes....that was not a pleasant experience for me—-and they stood with us for 3 weeks we weren’t even married one year. Learn to put your marriage as Priority, in the end you’ll only have each other. If you spend 90% of your efforts on family instead of your marriage—-it may seem like nothing now but years down the road you’ll wish you’d invested in your marriage. Husband and wife should be close, when family is between them constantly even for good husband and wife are not as close as they could be since they are always preoccupied with a family member. Why get married if our lives are only about family and little about our marriage itself...? Balance is necessary but the larger % of the effort should be marriage first.

 

What you said is the truth! No way is it a mistake.Don’t you dare feel bad! DHs are soft as butter for family but won’t hesitate to put restrictions and freely say what they don’t like to their wife? It’s a contradiction! “If you can tell me what you don’t like, and show your anger to me, why not give them the same “honor”? “ They need to be fair in this! Read my posts! I know your pain! In-laws can treat son like a personal ATM/bank for life? Better DH never married so he can live only for them. If family provided ALL what need would there be for marriage? Why don’t they pay for their own tickets since they are earning? Let that be a condition if they are to come. Hopefully they don’t come at all. Guilt and manipulation is their strategy and DH knows it. Learn to put your marriage as Priority, in the end you’ll only have each other. If you spend 90% of your efforts on family instead of your marriage—-it may seem like nothing now but years down the road you’ll wish you’d invested in your marriage. Husband and wife should be close, when family is between them constantly even for good husband and wife are not as close as they could be since they are always preoccupied with a family member. Why get married if our lives are only about family and little about our marriage itself...? Balance is necessary but the larger % of the effort should be marriage first.
Fight for your marriage. In the end it’s just the both of you! Kids grow up and move away having their own lives and family dies off little by little. Put your marriage first, it’s what we are left with in the end. Read my posts!! Doesn’t the wife’s feelings matter at all??? Must our marriages revolve around them??? If so marriage is being treated as meaningless!