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How To Maintain Privacy In 1 Bhk Home Living With In-laws

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Parry22, Dec 9, 2017.

  1. Parry22

    Parry22 Silver IL'ite

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    Did read your entire msg and advice. but i am most thankful for this TAUNT. Thanks a ton. Didn't know Indusladies is full of negative people who TAUNT others with genuine problems, instead of solving problems females like you are making fun of others problems. who will come on this site again then?? probably not me. who needs MILs when there are females like you....
     
  2. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    Op. For time being till u guys can shift to a bigger home I have few suggestions, as others have told put door curtains and provide some big multi storage containers for the in laws..tell them sweetly that they may be so tired of going in and out of the bedroom to take their stuff, and they can use those storage boxes for their personal stuff and access at their reach. Collapsible wardrobes are also available online.Go shopping and buy stuff for yourself, and use available space in your room to keep those so no extra storage is there..
    Those containers etc will be useful after shifting also.
    After husband comes home, he will go to room to freshen up right..then u also close door and talk to him for few minutes..let them get used to husband and wife spending alone time together..
    Also, u slowly make it a habit to close the door when u sleep..first start off with afternoon nap, then at night time also..so what if they go to sleep at 11.30.. At ur expected bedtime I.e 10 or 10.30 pm start yawning, tell loudly how sleepy u are and go inside bedroom and switch off or dim lights and close door..if anyone asks why u go to sleep so early say that early to bed and early to rise is good habit..ur husband can join u in bed after a while...once it becomes habit no one will question..encourage husband also to sleep early...
    Also, subtly make them uncomfortable and make them feel that privacy is needed..if adjoining washroom is there, then use that washroom noisily in late night, open water tap, use flush n all..their sleep may get disturbed and they may feel embarrassed thinking that u and husband may have had intimacy and then using the washroom..at least they will become conscious about newly married couple privacy.
     
    Last edited: Dec 14, 2017
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  3. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    Sorry if some of our replies came across as taunting. That wasn’t the intention at all . In any case, accept my apologies, I hope to see you back here !i
     
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  4. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Platinum IL'ite

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    when I was living with in laws for a short while , even in a 2 bhk house I felt there was no privacy.. the only way I dealt with that was to put my entire concentration on how to earn enough to rent a house of own . in my case it was finishing a certain course which would guarantee a better job with better income , so I had laser focus on that and put everything else aside . worked for me and soon I had a house to myself.. it felt so good..familiarity breeds contempt.. there is no good way to live in a joint family. both you and your husband should focus on increasing your income.. money can't buy happiness but atleast it buys you the freedom to walk around your house in your spaghetti top .
     
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  5. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    I feel privacy should be asserted irrespective of size of home..during newly married days i was in 2 bhk home only..even then no privacy!
    My husband was too shy to even close door while sleeping..and my MIL would use the mirror stand in our room only for dressing up and open all drawers n cupboards when she came as few cupboards had common items !!! And there was a common bathroom with no proper space for toiletries..it was quite irritating..the balcony attached our bedroom was used for drying clothes, so under pretext of drying clothes, folding dried clothes etc she would come often into our room, and she would often comment how much money is wasted for purchase of such n such item etc in our room..
    This, in spite of being in 2 BHK !!!!!
    What I did to change: provided n fitted big mirror in their room itself when they were away, so no need to come into our room to change clothes or dress up n all..would close door everyday and I asked my husband if he was ashamed of me that he dint close door..after several fights n arguments he started closing the room door ..
    Then started drying clothes in a different balcony under pretext that this one had excess dust from road n clothes getting dirty...shifted all common items from our room to other room and occupied the cupboards with our stuff and made it known to them..
    Some extra stuff such as gift items, cardboard cartons, old magazines, junk stuff etc lying in their shelves I cleared up under pretext of cleaning house so more storage space for them!
    Some people can really be so tactless, they need to be changed.
     
    Last edited: Dec 14, 2017
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  6. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    :cheer::clap2::clap2:
     
  7. Nonya

    Nonya Platinum IL'ite

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    Sad situation for both the young and the old couple. I wondered why India has not a Hospitality Industry Segment to help people find privacy in a crowded country -- like other crowded Asian countries, with sky-high realestate prices have done.

    So I went and googled for "love hotels in India" -- these are hotels especially meant for couples -- two adults, and rent by slots of a few hours. Much like transit hotels we had seen in airports -- a room, with an ensuite bathroom, a television, and some happy decor on the walls. In Korea and Japan one may even rent these for 2 hour slots. Taiwan and Thailand have them too.

    And finally India (I just found out from google; see excerpts from link below): In conservative India, a startup is helping unmarried couples find a room) has them too.... but for a totally different aspect of life than renting privacy for a married couple in a collective family. Be that as it may, this is a good development. The young may go there and be happy; and the older couple can get a break from having to step over the DIL to get to their almirah.
    excerpt from link on stayuncledotcom:
    “There is no law in India that prohibits (unmarried) couples from renting a room,” Sanchit Sethi, founder of the year-old startup, told Quartz in a phone interview. “As long as you have a government identity card, you should be given a room. We don’t live in the 1950s anymore. What we are trying to do is change the mindset of hoteliers.”

    “Couples need a room. Not a judgement.”
    Sethi’s initial business plan was to offer hotel rooms for short durations to travellers. Most hotels in India take reservations on a 24-hour basis—a relatively expensive affair. Together with Blaze Arizanov, a digital marketer, the duo launched StayUncle in April 2015. New Delhi’s Hotel Shimla Heritage became StayUncle’s first tie-up.
    I was amazed at reading the Wikipedia entry on "Love Hotels". Take a look at this excerpt:
    Economic aspects
    The annual revenue of the love hotel industry in Japan is estimated at more than $40 billion,[27] a figure double that of Japan's anime market.

    It is estimated that more than 500 million visits to Japan's 37,000[28] love hotels take place each year, which is the equivalent of around 1.4 million couples,[28] or 2% of Japan's population, visiting a love hotel each day.[6] In recent years, the love hotel business has drawn the interest of the structured finance industry.[28]

    Several transactions have been completed where the cash flows from a number of such hotels have been securitised and sold to international investors and buy-out funds.[4][29]
     
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2017
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  8. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    Hats off to you ! That was a smart way of asserting your privacy without offending others!
     
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  9. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    Problem is not just in 1 bhk, 2bhk... or big/small house...rather it is attitudinal problem of elders/DH , just like your inlaws peeking into your room, commenting etc. You need to convery directly/indirectly about your need to privacy, otherwise things will not change even on moving to bigger house.
     
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2017
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  10. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    That's true..during newly married days, even if a little dust gathered on mirror stand, or small cup lying on room table it would invite a big lecture on how we don't keep our room clean..as if we are small kids!!it was damn irritating as I was busy working woman who did not have time to do dusting everyday and would do it once a week only.. if they do not have reasons to enter the room at all it can be avoided..
     
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