Had To Vent!! (india Trip)

I assume your parents and inlaws are getting old or already senior citizens like mine. At this point India trips are not about “me” anymore, it’s about spending time with “them” and taking care of things to make their life comfortable.

 

Dear Op,

Don't feel bad about your ageing parents (both sides). Enjoy your journey and spend some quality time with them. Let go off these small things.

 

randomvalue, perhaps next time you could involve them in the dates before you plan, book tickets etc? I mean, you didnt even give them any notice, you just picked up the phone and "told" them the dates. Maybe they already had plans during that time?

I get the disappointment though, dont get me wrong. Its just possible that they were miffed to be simply told about your plans without making sure they are ok with it.

 

Are you travelling on their insistence or for your vacation ?You are counting your travel hours even when you are exited (as if your sacrificing) to visit India. Imagine they have to host you for 3 weeks . Their excitement depends on the work load you give to them during the stay.

for me any guests more than a week is a burden , if they do not like to share a work load. So I always give this "ah ok" reaction to these NRIs.

 

After having lived abroad for more than 20 years I have realized that everyone has long moved on and is occupied with their own lives. My brother is busy with his own young family, my parents are retired and have a hectic social life and this is all as it should be. No one drops whatever they are doing to anxiously wait at the airport like they did when I was a college student returning for vacations LOL! And I always ask before planning travel dates. My parents also have less energy to physically run around like we used to in the younger days, and I am mindful that it is more work and a disruption in routine for everyone.
Just focus on enjoying your time with your family once you get there. Don't get hung up on their reactions.

 

Dear Op,

Be happy and enjoy your trip. Not specific to you but i think
First of all , why we only plan to go 3 weeks once in a year or 2 yrs or some people dont go India for 4-5 etc years. who created the concept of visiting just 2-3 weeks to India. Based on vacation but american companies kept that keeping in mind their lifestyle. For people like us we need definitely 6 weeks per year vacation. The Indian people settled prior to us in USA have created this and rest of us are following.
If you are someone who came US recently struggling with consulting jobs etc then thats fine. Its been just couple of years you left India. so parents understand, jobs settlement and they are not that longing to spend time.

But for people who has been abroad for more than 6-7 yrs / decade, have greencard or citizenship, a good job 3 weeks is so less. last time you visited may be 2 yrs ago same 3 weeks rush rush.
Imagine over the years the things you have missed. The elders have become more old, the kids of our cousins are grown up. Things change a lot. But we just go rush rush, hello bye and come back.

Practically, It will take at least 2-3 days with Jetlag to go. and you need to get things or arrange your room etc 1 week to settle down.
Prior to coming you have to do packing etc. so hardly 10 days. if you get any sick or anything how will you handle.

Coming to your question
yes i have seen my parents many times complained of we coming for short visits and i completely agree they are right. It was so rush rush that i cant visit anyone place, i recollect my previous trips when my dad was alive, i hardly spent any time with him in that 2-3 weeks in the rush rush. I feel so bad for not going frequently to India. My dad did came, but spending time with parents in our house doing their regular activities, seeing their life is diff.

I have also seen many of my uncles aunts telling their kids dont come for 2-3 weeks. come India if it is for atleast 1 month.

 

Have read many stories from our Indus ladies itself saying that the husband's demands to stay for more time at his parents house n jus a few days at theirs. So your hubby insisting on equal time is a fair thing.

If your problem is about 'him' staying for more days in his house than 'you' in yours, then you can do the same thing and stay for more days.

Meeting mid way: tell your hubby to not put the timeline on 'you' as it doesn't apply for 'him' either. But it can apply for the kids, agree on a date n time n send your son on the half time mark. And you go after a few extra days. Since the demand is about the grandparents-grandkids time, splitting it 50-50 is the right way.

He may also be under pressure from his parents n relatives, the obsession could come from that. Also when one is on a schedule they may get specific about the timeline. N knowing you may extend an extra day, is just making him put even more pressure. His side may start demanding n complain about them losing time with their grandkids, so an extra evening may get him an earful. There's always two sides to a story, right ? So trying for a mid way solution can help both the sides and save you both from all the stress.