Irritating Dh

senoritaaa · Oct 25, 2017

MArried for 10 years. Both working. have maid also,
Issue is Husband criticising for small small things .
eg: if same breakfast item 2 days, he will ask why so.
And i am getting sooo much irritated for this and has started hating him nowadays .
Feel like running away when he opens his mouth.Sometimes fight back also.
Nowadys he is talking to me either to make a complain or point out something small not done .
How do i handle this. I am irritated and stressed.

iamsrihere · Oct 25, 2017

First question..Is your DH helping you in house works or is that only you are doing these in addition to working?

Secondly,It is either that he is becoming intolerant or you are feeling exhausted that you are unable to concentrate on these small aspects that he has started complaining. Find out if your health and time management look satisfactory. If there is problem in either of this, try to attend the respective issue. If there no issues then talk to your DH and ask him to handle certain responsibilities.If he denies either keep a deaf ear to his criticisms or hire more maids..
Like...If cooking is an issue, hire a cook.

Nonya · Oct 25, 2017

iamsrihere said: ↑

First question.....
Click to expand...

eh?
My first question would be about the other members in the household. Are there children in the household? Most often parents put up with all manner of nonsense/hardship foisted on them by the spouse for the children to be in a safe, albeit dysfunctional home. None were mentioned in the OP, and besides "started hating him nowadays .
Feel like running away when he opens his mouth." makes me think that the man of the house is on shaky grounds for nitpicking with his wife.
OP has to learn to say and do, what is culturally appropriate in her situation, from the multiple choice of (a)tell him to bugger off (b) tell him to do it himself, when he complains(c)tell him to get out (d)you run away

iamsrihere · Oct 25, 2017

Nonya said: ↑

eh?
My first question would be about the other members in the household. Are there children in the household? Most often parents put up with all manner of nonsense/hardship foisted on them by the spouse for the children to be in a safe, albeit dysfunctional home. None were mentioned in the OP, and besides "started hating him nowadays .
Feel like running away when he opens his mouth." makes me think that the man of the house is on shaky grounds for nitpicking with his wife.
OP has to learn to say and do, what is culturally appropriate in her situation, from the multiple choice of (a) bugger off (b) do it yourself (c)get out (d) run away
Click to expand...

I cant exactly comment on this because this kind of frustration comes when it is being tolerated for a long time like yearsiIt could also be that OP has tolerated this for the sake of her children.,.We never know....That is why I asked OP to think if she has any issues since she is facing such criticisms..And also her DH's take on hosueworks..

guesshoo · Oct 25, 2017

Simple solution, stop justifying yourself when he starts nit picking. Don't show your annoyance. Don't do anything to fix his perceived problem. Treat it as a non issue.

If he starts on about same breakfast, look directly at him, firmly say, "Stop nit picking" or, "Don't complain" and change the topic quickly - about current affairs, say. Do it everytime he starts off.

Also if he complains about something that he could also fix like say, an untidy coffee table, without taking it as criticism, turn it around breezily - "yes. What an untidy coffee table! Just clear it up please while I make dinner"

Quick reprimand or task assignment, change of topic, remaining cheerful and chatty should make him fix his of his silly behaviour.

senoritaaa · Oct 25, 2017

guesshoo said: ↑

Simple solution, stop justifying yourself when he starts nit picking. Don't show your annoyance. Don't do anything to fix his perceived problem. Treat it as a non issue.

If he starts on about same breakfast, look directly at him, firmly say, "Stop nit picking" or, "Don't complain" and change the topic quickly - about current affairs, say. Do it everytime he starts off.

Also if he complains about something that he could also fix like say, an untidy coffee table, without taking it as criticism, turn it around breezily - "yes. What an untidy coffee table! Just clear it up please while I make dinner"

Quick reprimand or task assignment, change of topic, remaining cheerful and chatty should make him fix his of his silly behaviour.
Click to expand...

great.This helps.

senoritaaa · Oct 25, 2017

iamsrihere said: ↑

First question..Is your DH helping you in house works or is that only you are doing these in addition to working?

Secondly,It is either that he is becoming intolerant or you are feeling exhausted that you are unable to concentrate on these small aspects that he has started complaining. Find out if your health and time management look satisfactory. If there is problem in either of this, try to attend the respective issue. If there no issues then talk to your DH and ask him to handle certain responsibilities.If he denies either keep a deaf ear to his criticisms or hire more maids..
Like...If cooking is an issue, hire a cook.
Click to expand...

to answer your question, Yes He helps, Infact it felt to me , he makes every effort to show he is perfect and i dnt get chance to point out any mistake. Moreover house hold workwise I am not stressed, as I have a live in maid, who helps with cooking and baby sitting .(I am working). so no issues on that front. Even he does not help anything i can easily manage, as i have help.

senoritaaa · Oct 25, 2017

Sometimes i feel i am i a toxic relationship where DH wants to prove that I am not smart enough or something.(Infact i am educated and earn as much as he does ). When i ask him he denies completely and say I ahve too much ego and not able to take any small criticism. I am confused. we never appreciate each other and there values, views all the different . :-(

senoritaaa · Oct 25, 2017

guesshoo said: ↑

Simple solution, stop justifying yourself when he starts nit picking. Don't show your annoyance. Don't do anything to fix his perceived problem. Treat it as a non issue.

If he starts on about same breakfast, look directly at him, firmly say, "Stop nit picking" or, "Don't complain" and change the topic quickly - about current affairs, say. Do it everytime he starts off.

Also if he complains about something that he could also fix like say, an untidy coffee table, without taking it as criticism, turn it around breezily - "yes. What an untidy coffee table! Just clear it up please while I make dinner"

Quick reprimand or task assignment, change of topic, remaining cheerful and chatty should make him fix his of his silly behaviour.
Click to expand...

I will try this out and update here.

Nonya · Oct 25, 2017

senoritaaa said: ↑

Sometimes i feel i am i a toxic relationship where DH wants to prove that I am not smart enough or something.(Infact i am educated and earn as much as he does ). When i ask him he denies completely and say I ahve too much ego and not able to take any small criticism. I am confused. we never appreciate each other and there values, views all the different . :-(
Click to expand...

In a perverse way, you prove your husband right.
If you are so smart, and have a live-in maid to take care of baby, you don't need him for pretty much anything, and you hate him so much, why do you put up with him, while he is constantly pointing out that you are not smart enough ?

One possibility is that extreme Love comes in all shades, even veering into masochism.