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Wild Wild Vest

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Balajee, Oct 22, 2017.

  1. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    I think it was a case of premature death, why murder. No this is certainly not a whodunit. The DW ripped apart a vest that I was wearing. Before you get any naughty ideas let me tell you it is not in a fit of any kind of passion. She just did not like it and the reason was it had a small tear in the back of the neck.


    The DW is a serial clothes-condemner. A slight real or imaginary damage it will go for uses other than wearing. If you still insist on wearing it, it will be tearing as I found out to the cost of my poor little vest She probably has ambitious plans for it like using it to clean the car.


    But I am not that fussy a guy . I will wear it even if it is marred by slight damage as I did with the late and lamented vest before its dastardly assassination. The wife is a fastidious dresser. She expects you to look like a Christmas tree sprouting leaves in preparation for the fest.


    But I am just the opposite kind. I don’t give a damn about what I am wearing. A little tear or dirt does not matter. In short I am the kind of guy fashion police will lock up for life, in a torn vest and brief, of course. Aw I forgot to tell you. She also ripped apart a brief which didn’t meet her approval. Thankfully I wasn’t wearing it at that time.


    When she told a relative about this that lady let out a gasp of horror and asked me “Log kya kahengey?” (What will people say?). I told her I dont’ give a damn for log unless the LOG is preceded by a B.


    “But what do you do on occasions?” was the next question. I just don’t understand the word “Occasions”. Even my wife keeps harping “You must have something smart for occasions”. She does buy me “something smart” but I skip occasions as fr as possible and by the time I am finished with “smart clothes” they transfer all their smartness to me and look quite dumb. And I am the kind of guy who celebrates “occasions” by locking myself in my room putting on the music system and reading a book.


    And no parties for me please. Everyone I meet either talks either cricket or Modi. Thr first subject I hate and on the second I prefer to keep mum for security reasons. So for a guy who is so “home loving” (a favourite phrase of matrmionials for brides) that he doesn’t bother to rub shoulders with anybody, does it really matter whether the vest is torn a wee bit or the brief has a bit of ventilation?


    Ha now to the poor ripped apart vest lying seriously injured or dead in a corner of my bedroom.. I am a man of ideas and now my head is swarming with a whole lot of them about interesting plans for the vest that would lift it from my bedroom floor and put it on a pedestal.


    We are after all living in a world of fashion gone awry. First we had just plain jeams. Then someone decided to do a stone wash (what the heck is that actually?) and then a smarter guy decided to bring the jeans into contact with corrosive acids. Voila! jeans looking like my ventilated briefs were born.(And the DW cribs about my chaddis. She doesn’t realize that if someone spots them we can always call them acid wash briefs). Finally some even more adventurous entrepreneur put bullets into jeans (No clue whether someone was wearing them when he opened fire). And the bullet wash jeans sold like hot cakes. No, the term for these guys is not nuts but couturiers.


    Now to my poor vest. We can tear vests like my wife did. May be there is a market for WIFE WASH VESTS. If there is no market no problem. A little bit of hype will create one. We can patent it and act pricey. I am sure people will line up to buy them. You can even get a Bollywood starlet to pose in one of them revealing all her assets. See how it will fly out of shop shelves.


    The wife wash vest will be quite functional unlike lot of the fashion stuff. Because if you loose a screw or two due to regular reading of my writings, you don’t have to trouble yourself to tear your clothes. All you have to do is to wear the wife wash vest and run on the streets uttering gibberish.
     
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  2. HariLakhera

    HariLakhera Platinum IL'ite

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    Einstein, (forget if the spellings are not correct, who cares?) was once advised to wear some decent clothes to a party within a known circle. He said no need as everyone knew him there. Next time he was to attend an international seminar. His wife asked him to dress properly. His reply was - when knows me there?
    Rest as they say is history.
     
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  3. PushpavalliSrinivasan

    PushpavalliSrinivasan IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Balaji,
    It seems almost all wives and all husbands belong to this category.
    PS
     
  4. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    this reminds me of an anecdote about Italian poet Dante Alighieri . Once Dante was invited to a banquet and he went in humble cloths. He was shooed away by the guards outside the host's home who thought he was some ordinary Joe looking at his dress. Dante went home, dressed himself in expensive attire am attire and was welcomed with open arms. As the banquet began the poet started rubbing his attire with the food. To the shocked hosts and fellow guests he calmly explained " Looks like the party i for my dress. That''s why I am feeding it".
     
  5. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Aiyo!! Onga veettilayum adhe kadhaiya!
     
  6. PushpavalliSrinivasan

    PushpavalliSrinivasan IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Balaji,
    Anecdote from Sudha Murthy

    Once Sudha Murthy of Infosys was called 'cattle class' at London's Heathrow airport.
    “Go and stand in the economy class queue. This line is for business class travellers,” a well-heeled lady told Sudha Murty at the International Heathrow airport in London.

    The chairperson of Infosys Foundation was at the airport wearing a salwar kameez, which perhaps made her a misfit in the queue in question. But, what eventually got Murty’s goat was when she was called a “cattle-class person”.

    In an interview to PTI, she said she could have shown her boarding pass and cleared all doubts about her “class” in no time, but she waited to find out how, according to the lady, she was not befitting for business class standards.

    “Soon I realized it was because of my dress!” she says. Ironically, Sudha ran into the same lady later in the day.

    From her Indo-Western silk outfit paired with an expensive pair of heels, and complemented with a Gucci handbag at the airport, the latter had slipped into a plain khadi saree to suit the theme of a meeting where Sudha was pitching Infosys Foundation to sponsor funds for the overhaul of a government school.

    Needless to say, the lady was shocked to see Sudha chairing the meeting.
    PS
     
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2017
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  7. PushpavalliSrinivasan

    PushpavalliSrinivasan IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Balaji,
    Whether men or women when they go out should dress neatly. No need to wear costly dress, but to avoid wearing crumpled and faded dress. Even in the house no need to wear torn vest or shirt as even the domestic helpers and drivers come neatly dressed.

    I don't like women roaming wearing nighties. It is my personal opinion.
    PS


     
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  8. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Balajee,

    I am not sure what kick men get when they wear the vests with holes in it. Invariably, I can see this when I go to India. Your wife is right in tearing it off so that you won't wear it again. My wife takes my T-shirts and shorts away after 2-3 years for donation as long as it is in good condition and I come to know that after the fact. If I wear it with holes, I will be ripped before the clothes. :)

    Recently, we went to a wedding and she was fixing an appointment for hair coloring for both of us. When I questioned why I should color my hair, she asked, "We both need to look good".

    Viswa

    Viswa
     
  9. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    PS Ma'am I too don't like nighties becoming an all-day attire. Yes one should certainly not appear before domestic helps in a torn vest. Fortunately when they arrive in the morning, I am always in my track suit with the torn vest invisible!
     
  10. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Looks lier it is a classic case of Aal padhi aadai padhi""!
     

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