One Sacrifices ;others Enjoy

once you are in wedlock and beget children, the so called sacrifice willy-nilly starts and societal pressure expects you and spouse sacrifice for their bringing up nurturing atleast up to certain level. the onus to sacrifice is inescapable and all your action centres around them. that is why when a person is in wedlock, it is said "he/she is hooked".
2. In mythology, Mahabharata's Karnan gave away all the punayas that accrued on account of his philanthropy to Lord Krishna. that is last breath sacrifice!.
3. In the ultimate analysis, the one and the only true entity in the solar system that sacrifices 24x7 seemed to be the SUN.

 

Somehow I have come to hate the word 'sacrifice'. Although our society views it as a virtue, I see it the word (not the actual 'sacrifice') in a negative light. Let me explain.

A mother keeps complaining about how many 'sacrifices' she made for the child. She was made to give up her education to get married. She was not allowed to work by her ILs. That was not a 'sacrifice'. Anything forced cannot be a sacrifice. It was an imposition. Later on, she did not travel with the family because of her baby. That was one of the 'sacrifices' on her list later on in life. But that was her choice. She chose to have the baby. She chose to keep the baby. She felt it was easier to stay at home with the baby than to go lugging it along on a day-long picnic. To keep throwing this and many other 'sacrifices' at the kid was not a fair thing to do.

True sacrifices are always about individual choices. One can never have the cake and eat it too - no matter what. It can only lead to indigestion. So one has to choose the cake or choose to eat it which naturally by the laws of Nature eschews the other option. So, in essence, I see sacrifice as a conscious choice made by an adult with the ability and opportunity to make their own choices.

Women today have an option of working outside while the kids are looked after by grandparents, babysitters or in creches. They have the option of being SAHM. Which option is made is a matter of choice and individual personalities. Some would be more practical and like to go out to work giving their kids 'quality' time. Others might choose to spend every moment with the child and make the child the centre of their universe. That might give her tremendous pleasure although it might be a goodbye to her financial independence. Is that a 'sacrifice' the way it is normally said - making a martyr of the mother?

Anita's 'sacrifice' is far from any connotation of the word. There has already been a detailed discussion on the subject elsewhere on this forum.

As for older kids being held responsible for affording the younger ones better opportunities, that is no sacrifice because it was not voluntary. It was imposed. Maybe later on in life, it could change to a 'sacrifice' out of sheer habit or conscious choice.

It is the 'sacrifice' or choice of young men to defend the nation that really makes me respect them tremendously, provided it is done with genuine love for the country and not just out of need or lack of other choices.

 

I agree JS Ma'am. What one is pushed into can certainly grow on one in the course of time. Then it is again a pleasure to be in that particular role and does not involve 'sacrifice' the way it has often been used - as a virtue involving tremendous pain. Am really glad that your cousin found his calling and enjoyed looking after the needy. That certainly is a happy ending to the story. And that is just what I meant when I said:

 

There are many instances of very poor people making many sacrifices and facing difficulties for giving the children good education . We read in papers how an idli-seller'sson became IAS , or a peon's daughter becoming doctor etc.

But in some other cases , its not Sacrifice for the children's good , but only self inflicted difficulty to project their own dreams on the hapless child . Its torture on both sides . Children are made to sacrifice their own aspirations to give meaning to the parent's Sacrifice !

 

It is important to teach children to take life decisions (of course once they are old enough to do so) and also responsibility for their decisions. More important is to make them understand that even parents take decisions only after considering all the circumstances and past experiences. But those need not apply 100% to children and it is not essential that a parent's decision would be unconditionally right.

 

Quote : "My relative had two sons. He had much control over them.He forced them to study.The first one obliged with resentment but came up in life.Second one resisted.The father also left him to his whims and fancies.He just passed.Could not get any job.Now he started blaming his father" I was young.I didn't know so many things. You should have forced me, as you did to my brother. You are responsible for my poor status.".
When such things happen, parents are at a loss as to what to do.
Poor parentS! Pathetic children!"

Very true. This is the worst thing with parenting . Blamed if you do, blamed if you dont .people like to blame parents and upbringing for all their faults . When will they ever grow up and take responsibility ? A person is a parents child only till 18 . After which they bloody well be responsible for themselves . If they dint study, let them learn a trade instead of wasting time in blaming and selfpity . Children from worst circumstances have come up well in life, swimming against the tide and coping with misfortunes .