Should Wife Give/share Her Salary With Husband

So sweet, and so intensely philosophical at the same time.
Is there a probationary period, or achievements of milestones, such as x years of adequately happy marriage, and/or at least one baby -- before a couple are deemed in sync, and therefore comingle their assets ?

P.S. Although "comingling of assets" sounds like a euphemism for a nookie, it is actually the phrase used by the US Government as evidence of a bonafide marriage in immigration sponsorship applications.

 

In a reasonably good marriage with an understanding husband I would not count if it was his money or mine. And certainly not claim back the money that was put in for running our house when funds were running low for him.

My husband and I have no shared accounts but I have complete access to his and he has to mine. I feel lucky to have that kind of trust and understanding with him.

I have said this before. We are this way because of him. He never pressurized to contribute in the early days of our marriage and would pay for everything. That gave me the confidence to consider my money as our money.

But whatever works for you is good enough.

 

Honestly, I do not think both (you and your friends) were right. Ideally, when we think both men and women are equal partners in a marriage, then their income, and efforts need to be shared equally or at least to some equal proportional basis.

At home, both myself and H share 50% of our respective salaries to a joint acc, to which both of us have ATM cards.
We make all our family's expenses through this account only.
Although they way of spending varies between us, we still make it through this joint acc.
Eg: H pays off all the bills, and purchase groceries. Whereas I would pay kid's tuitions, day care, salaries to maids, other household expenses etc

Our remaining 50% (not the same amount), remains for us in our respective individual accounts.
Earlier, we kept it only for our personal expenses such as buying tickets, spending spontaneously during vacations, gifts, and helps to our respective FOOs.
Here, we plan and execute our spending on our own, and the spouse is communicated only for informational purpose - unless it involves a huge money.
So, we feel independent and fee to do what we want to do with our own money.

However, now a days - after almost a decade of marriage, we have turned our respective savings to some joint investments, insurance plan and savings for kid's education etc...
We still have our individual account, and we still make individual expenses too. But mostly, ours has become a joint venture now a days.

A home maker does a lot of works both emotionally and physically at home for full time. Whereas, a working woman needs help (domestic helper, nanny, day care center, an extended family member etc...) to compensate her time out (for work).
This obviously involves additional expenses. (Salaries for domestic helper, nanny.. day care center fee etc)
And it is not fair to expect your spouse to adjust with your time out, and pay extra for those helps, and expect nothing in return from you.

 

Dear, Lucky are we who by God's grace are blessed with responsible life partners who care for us and our families. Touchwood!! But what about those less privileged. For instance my domestic help. She has 5 kids to tend to, their education and upbringing- entire burden is on her. Her husband's a pukka drunkard and only a troublemaker. This lady has to manage the whole show. So basically, as per me, it depends on how responsible your husband is, whether you loosen your purse strings or not.
Personally, at my home, we both spend as and when required without waiting for the other person. Usually, My husband pays for housing loan, I pay for maid, society maintenance charges etc. If need arises, especially during Jan to Mar when IT burden troubles my poor DH, I go for paying the dues. Same way during festivities, we buy each other gifts. He send money to his parents and I send to mine. Infact we hardly ask each other how much we sent. Earlier whatever was left out from our salaries, we used to make investments in our respective names but offlate we have made some joint investments. I believe running a home is equal responsibility of both husband and wife and one should be a support to other and not wait for the other to shoulder entire burden alone. After all marriage is all about give and take.

 

Nice discussion @sumalynux..

I would say whatever works for each couple.. but personally would not recommend a wife give away her entire income, unless there is a joint account and a responsible spouse who doesn't limit the wife's spending and is careful about his own spending..

My husband and I have a joint account and personally feel that if i trust my dh with everything else, why not money..I never have to request permission to spend on anything...but always like to discuss big purchases, as big gifts to my side or his side looks good when it's from both of us..

 

@sumalynux, so finally you agree that you share your income with your spouse and family.
Then that's the best way to go about.
It is not necessary to spend both of your income.
In addition to day today spending, there are needs for savings, investments, EMIs, insurance etc..etc..
So part or full of your salary can be set aside for these family needs.

This is different from not contributing to the family's need as you quoted in your OP.
Not contributing means, you must have to keep your salary ONLY for your personal needs and not for family's needs.
Your OP was bit confusing. And how you conveyed this to your friends seemed a bit selfish and wrong too.

I did not say my way was right. But i said it is important to share everything equally. That includes household chores and responsibilities.

Back at home we share our burdens equally as per our comfort level.
I like cooking and he likes shopping & laundry.
I like teaching kids and he likes bathing & dressing them.
We both clean the house & drive the car for the family.
When one of us are tired or unfit, we take paid helps from outside, but do not expect the other to overdo their share.
We neither work equally nor earn the same. But we both give our best to the family.

 

Complete expense is not something your day to day expenses. In a family, complete expense means everything. That includes, EMIs, or investments, insurance or even savings- if that goes to a purpose (for kid's education, or emergency needs or even for a vacation plan).
So, your OP meant, you do not share anything with your H for the family. But he takes care of complete expense of the family.

That's why, I said it is not nice. It is not so great to contribute nothing to your family's complete expenses.
Because you are part of the family, and family's complete expenses means, it is YOUR expenses too.

You even mentioned that you give money to H when he is dry, but get back the money once he settles down.

In fact, your latter posts were clear and you mentioned how much you contribute to your family physically by doing all the chores despite of your work schedules, and how you managed to "contribute" to the family's other expenses like savings, investments etc...
Your OP and the following posts were contradicting with each other.

Since your OP was about a casual discussion you had with your neighbors on these lines, I assumed your neighbors might as well confused; thus called you selfish.

Nevertheless, I rest my case here. No need to drag it to an argument.

I repeat....
When both spouses work, then it is important both should contribute for the family's expenses.
At the same time, it is also important both should take equal responsibility in household chores (not limited to cooking )
Then that makes it ideal.
But it is not the only way to live about.
What suits you and your family is what important.