Parenting – A Boon Or A Curse

Bhargavi03 · Sep 25, 2017

Dear @PushpavalliSrinivasan,

Yes. Agreed. Parents these days need to be smart and upgrade their techno knowledge as much as it possible to handle these days kids astuteness.. as u said we should not micro manage our kids and should definitely give them their space of privacy. At the same time we should keep one eye constant on them.. So this what is a challenge that we would face on smart parenting.. we should not be these nagging parents out front but inherently watch them always

SCSusila · Sep 28, 2017

Well analysed from all points of view and all angles . Parenting has really become a frustrating occupation for young people who are given a hundred kinds odf advices from all over . I feel sorry for tge young mothers who are always worrying and not enjoying their children so much .

The reason in my opinion , why children these days turn out very different from older generations is that its not just the immediate family that id bringing them up , but " the whole village" or the whole global village . The kind of information they process is amazingly large , the exposure they get is a lot wider , so naturally the impressiins and perceptions they develop are also vastly different. They cannot be expected to behave like the kids of past generation.
Yet , its not all gloomy . Parents can still be friends with them . Strict opressive Dragon Mother kind of parenting will be counterproductive. Whatever generation , only mutual trust , respect and abundant love nurture parent-offspring bond .

Boon or curse ? Neither . Or both . Its always a mixed bag . As life is.

Thyagarajan · Sep 28, 2017

Viswamitra said: ↑

It is part of life experience and no preparation would help handle a child except experiencing it real time and through constant listening of what children had to say. Even an expert child psychologist may make mistakes in parenting as love for the child would cloud the professional knowledge
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I think this would be the essence of this thread feedback.

Thyagarajan · Sep 28, 2017

Bhargavi03 said: ↑

Dear @PushpavalliSrinivasan,

Yes. Agreed. Parents these days need to be smart and upgrade their techno knowledge as much as it possible to handle these days kids astuteness.. as u said we should not micro manage our kids and should definitely give them their space of privacy. At the same time we should keep one eye constant on them.. So this what is a challenge that we would face on smart parenting.. we should not be these nagging parents out front but inherently watch them always
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Bhargavi03 said: ↑

Child birth is undoubtedly one of the most euphoric moments in any parents’ lives that bring the tears of joy in every eye. While we celebrate this jubilant occasion, a large part of us remain oblivious or miss to notice that big package of responsibility and challenges posed to parenting that comes along with this little cupid. I am no expert in child or teen psychology, still in my nascent stages of parenting (raising my six year old son), desired to take this forum to unleash some of my first hand experiences on raising children (albeit my purview to this could be limited on practical end but profound on theoretical and observations from near and dear ones) and on a larger scale wanted to share something that perturbed me in the recent past.

A couple of weeks ago as I was randomly surfing through some news on the internet, I inadvertently bumped into this amazing lecture delivered by a psychology professor from Harvard university (translated into an article) about the mentality of adolescent and teenage kids of the recent era across the globe. A plethora of topics was covered that includes the exposure, knowledge, interests, focus etc. of these kids but something that captured my attention and left me into deep thoughts was about the high level of mental and emotional sensitivity of these kids, lack of endurance to achieve success, a large extent of being an introvert working mostly in a covert manner and the inevitable peer & parental pressure on them.

With the rapid modernization of our lives most of the families these days breaks down into nuclear shells. A majority of these nuclear families resort to having only single kids (owing to lack of time to dedicate for these kids growth/financial or economic factors/personal choice etc.). These highly pampered kids evolve into emotionally weak and sensitive ones, dependent and unable to accept failures or disappointments in life. These mental/psychological conditions of course cannot be generalized or categorized only for single kids as it happens for kids with siblings too.

Recently a teenage girl probably sixteen or seventeen years old from the family of a prominent celebrity in the Indian film industry ran away from her home and this news spread like wild fire becoming the cynosure of media and people. I happened to watch this press conference meeting on YouTube set up by her mother and aunt pleading the media and the police to help them find their daughter. While they believed that their daughter was abducted and did not return from school, in reality she had left her home without notification, furtively, traveled all the way to a neighboring city and found shelter in some Christian hostel with the limited cash that she managed to carry from her home. The poignant speech given by her distraught mother crying and begging for her daughter to come back ripped me apart. Although I do not intend to be judgemental or come with some preconceived notions of shifting the blame entirely on the child or the parents owing to the lack of clarity of what really happened to the girl that triggered her do something like this, yet this girl’s action is scary, deplorable and stigmatic. This is not something novel, there are similar incidents happening in many places with teenage or younger kids running away from home or even worse end up becoming suicidal leaving their parents behind into an unfathomable plight inflicted with utmost agony that might probably haunt them for the rest of their lives.

I was left in grave shock and disbelief of how this girl could put her parents through this dismal phase. Or rather what factors forced this girl to take this extreme risk/step in her life that faltered her mother and father as parents? Is it that academic pressure from parents or peers unable to cope up with the challenges of this competitive world or is it the intolerance towards negative criticism that is embarrassing or daunting or is it the impatience towards attaining success (as they want everything easy and quick) or is it a dejection due to failure or it could range over myriad other reasons starting from a bullying at school, physical or personal issues like parental arguments or may be a divorce at home. Well, the reasons are many but the question here is how do we help our kids handle them?

There is no specific rule book to parenting as some tips and tricks might help in a few instances but may not help others. When our kids commit a mistake definitely reprimanding them by physical or verbal abuse is never a solution. It might only make the situation worse. Embracing them with love and compassion and guiding them by pointing out their mistakes at the right time politely might help. Of course we should also be cognizant of the fact that the love and affection we shower on them should not come at a cost of spoiling our kids. So it’s a way of smart parenting that probably we all, as better parents should learn. We should help them comprehend that a negative feedback is not detrimental rather instrumental on a positive front aiding in their personality growth and development. We should motivate them that failures are only stepping stones to success, that it is perfectly OK if they are not a laureate or a genius, make them realize that no one is perfect here which would in turn encourage them to evolve from their naive and vulnerable self into a more confident, strong and a better individual ready to face and fight the savage reality of life.

As a closing note, parenting is certainly a boon, a blessing in disguise and not a threat. Like how every child is unique in their own way so is every parent. Each of them have their own style of raising their kids and are proud about it. It’s just that we should help our kids and as ourselves not succumb under pressure, take life in a positive spirit and emerge as better humans!!
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another thought crossed my mind as I re-read this thread. a friend of mine and his spouse professionally well off and touring all the time, had put their two children one boy and one girl in residential school and after their completion of academics, those kids studied professional course staying in college/institute hostel and then settled with their career and family at far off place. not much parenting excepting annual holiday visit to them by their children. they are happy and parents (now become grand parents) are happy and feeling great. What do you think about it? probably feasible for some. thanks and regards.

Bhargavi03 · Sep 28, 2017

Thyagarajan said: ↑

another thought crossed my mind as I re-read this thread. a friend of mine and his spouse professionally well off and touring all the time, had put their two children one boy and one girl in residential school and after their completion of academics, those kids studied professional course staying in college/institute hostel and then settled with their career and family at far off place. not much parenting excepting annual holiday visit to them by their children. they are happy and parents (now become grand parents) are happy and feeling great. What do you think about it? probably feasible for some. thanks and regards.
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Just wondering where is parenting here... Haha.. guess even during the holidays visit made by the kids at the parents place would not involve much work/efforts from the parents because the kids would have evolved into totally self-sufficient, self-made and independent individuals that they rather prefer making their own decisions than looking out for their parents assistance. Guidance may be very little to almost none would have been given and taken..
Anyway these are different type of parents and I am sure they have enjoyed what they did for their kids..how much of role they played in the kids lives is something perhaps we might have to check with their kids.

Thyagarajan · Sep 28, 2017

thanks.

Thyagarajan · Sep 28, 2017

thanks.

jayasala42 · Sep 29, 2017

Residential schools develop altogether a different kind of attitude in children. Such children when they visit parents do not want to be interfered anything.The home is only a lodge/restaurant.
The residential schools which inculcate discipline are able to sow very high values, more than the parents can do.At times the exercise becomes a miserable failure.
It is a fact that parents totally miss the joy /hurdles in parenting.Children miss love and affection, they miss the strictness of parents. As time passes and adolescence sets, children start thinking like adults and want to be treated so with no curbs on anything.
'Out of sight, out of mind' becomes the order of the day, soon to children and gradually to parents too.
Whether love, affection, parental care so much discussed in books and literature--Is everything becoming a farce- to one and all, sooner or later depending on the situation? Is it what the life teaches us ?

Jayasala42

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