Things My Father Says...

nomad24 · Sep 7, 2017

Hi All,

Lately, I have been upset with some of the happenings and things my father has said. I am married and settled abroad and had moved out of the country for a job even when unmarried and my brother stays with them in India. They are visiting me for a few months and I get upset at little things he says.

To give a few instances:
When visiting a few friends places for dinner, he said, "my son is very caring and he always gets me gifts when he goes abroad". I felt bad, as me and my husband also do the same everytime they visit us or we go to India.

Again, on another instance, I said I will make a special dish for you over the weekend as you will like it. He said instantly said to me, "Humara <name of my brother> our son also makes it and he puts peppers in it". Again I felt bad, as he was ignoring my effort to make something special and also again instantly saying "our son" as if I am not theirs.

At another time, at home: he said while generally conversing, "My brother always wears casuals to work on Friday and formal mon to thu". I again got upset and felt he only gives attention to what my brother does. I had lived with them for a number of years and have the same work dress policy, so does my husband and so does my brother's wife as we are all in IT.

Am I overreacting in thinking that I am invisible to him and that its unfair to always talk about their son in front of me and my husband? Am I wrong in getting in upset or I am being oversensitive?

Benitapaul · Sep 7, 2017

Dear OP, This is very common in every family. I think it's pretty obvious that your Dad talks a lot about their son because he's with them.

If you ask me, I would say that you have a guilty feeling that you moved out of your parents house soon and didn't spend much time with them as your brother. If it's do, please stop thinking like that as you did what you wanted to do in your life and it sure would have made your parents feel proud of you.

I think your dad wants to give a lot of information about your brother to you and similarly would do the same with their son about you. Don't think that you are invisible to them. They are here to spend time with you and your DH. Have fun and I am sure your dad will be talking of you and your DH with your brother

ashneys · Sep 7, 2017

Are you absolutely sure that he doesn't talk about you to your brother or other relatives / friends ?

In a family, it is quite common to talk about one family member to another.

We have an aunt who always boasts about other people with us. Then I came to know that she boasts about us to other people too. Realised it's just her character to boast about one to another.

It is also common to talk more about the ones that are living with them just because they spend more time.

If it really bothers you, jus ask or tell him in a nice or a funny way. He's your dad after all.

friendabc · Sep 7, 2017

Benitapaul said: ↑

Dear OP, This is very common in every family. I think it's pretty obvious that your Dad talks a lot about their son because he's with them.
- the most obvious reason seems to be that SHE IS NOT HIS SON ..BUT A DAUGHTER and we all know in india daughters r treated as 2nd class citizens (most of the time)

If you ask me, I would say that you have a guilty feeling that you moved out of your parents house soon and didn't spend much time with them as your brother. If it's do, please stop thinking like that as you did what you wanted to do in your life and it sure would have made your parents feel proud of you.
- what it has to do with her moving out or being guilty ...all daughters move out of their home after marriage ..whether abroad or not
her father shd also praise her (cuz as she clearly mentioned that she also brings gifts for him and cares for him just like his son)
ive seen many fathers who favor sons over daughters ..and in india its more rampant than other countries ...
PLS FEEL HAPPY THAT U R ALIVE cuz our country has the highest no of female foetecide

I think your dad wants to give a lot of information about your brother to you and similarly would do the same with their son about you. Don't think that you are invisible to them. They are here to spend time with you and your DH. Have fun and I am sure your dad will be talking of you and your DH with your brother
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silentlistener · Sep 23, 2017

nomad24 said: ↑

Hi All,
Am I overreacting ?
Click to expand...

Yes. You are.

sanjuruby3 · Oct 3, 2017

Hi OP,

I think you are over-reacting. I have been through same phase once when my father came to stay with me long back. He was always buying for my brother and sister and calling them from US. I was jealous. Same thing happened when my mom came for my delivery. I was jealous.
Now my parents in india ( with brother/sis) always calling me and missing me and my sister thinks they love me more .
I think its always that kids who are far, parents miss them more and worry about them more and in our minds/hearts, we always have guilt of settling far.
Just forget it. They will always love you, not matter what.

Ciny · Nov 4, 2017

Talk to him clearly

LakshmiKMBhat · Nov 4, 2017

It is always better to sit and talk, but if he is type who will over react, then you will have to think of a better way to deal with the situation. What does your husband say ?

randomvalue · Nov 15, 2017

I don't know the deal with parents - this thing about comparing never ends. Luckily, I am a single child but I still go through this because I am compared with cousins!

friendabc · Nov 25, 2017

randomvalue said: ↑

I don't know the deal with parents - this thing about comparing never ends. Luckily, I am a single child but I still go through this because I am compared with cousins!
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even if u dint hv cousins , they wd hv compared u with neighbours's children ..its an endless saga ...lol